In My Mind: The Story of NLD2

I had this posted in my profile and I asked for comments... but nothing... so tell me what you think of the first few parts. I admit, it's a bit dark, but don't look at it that way.

My name is Nathanial Lee Davis the 2nd. This is the story of my life. These are the thoughts in my head. Nothing has been substituted. Nothing will be changed. This is the story of my life. The only part I think is worth telling.

When I was a senior in high school, I was 16. I was supposed to be a sophomore but the placement test said other wise. I attended Louis Heights High School in the southern part of the Bronx. I lived in the area with junkyards and small trailer parks. I lived with my father and my four other siblings. In order there was: Nathan Davis (oldest, boy, 18), Marie Davis (other oldest, Nathan’s twin sister, girl, 18), Myself (middle, boy, 16) Al'Lea Davis (Second youngest, girl, 15), and Eddward Davis ( youngest, boy, 14). We all have black hair and everyone but myself has brown eyes. I have dark blue eyes.

Now, at school, I was an A+ student to keep my abusive father away from my studies. I had no social life and tried to distance myself from others. I majored in math even though writing is what I always wanted to do. It didn't matter what I was writing about. That was all I ever did. In the middle of class, at lunch, in Gym... but the only time I actually tried not to write was when this one girl...would sit and try to read over my shoulder.

It wasn't that I minded, it was the fact that she wanted a friend. And I was almost positive she knew I didn't.
"Hi."
"What do you want?"
"What're you writing?"
"What do you care?"
"I care. Can I see?"
"Buzz off."
We had engaging conversations like this all the time. Her name was Natilie Owens and she liked me. It wasn't like any of the other girls in school didn't have a crush on me. I just had a way of rejection that I could use without taking to anyone. I had an attitude.

(more to come if I get feed back.)

Anyone? Comments? More? Less? Anything?

I think you could put that all in one post. 😛

It's good so far. Some of it is a bit awkward, like when you wrote "In order, there was:" and then named the siblings. And "Buzz off"? I haven't heard anyone say that for years.

Nice start, though. Keep going.

Thanks Hotsauce.

...

Not the assertive kind people like. I had pure bad ass attitude. With everyone. Not just the people who would look over my shoulder, if you asked for directions I'd have an attitude. So, the girls left me alone. If I made fun of them and they told their boyfriends, that's cool, cause their boyfriends new better. Everyone knew better than to upset Nathanial Lee. That's what they called me. That's what everyone called me. I had a reputation. It's how I was known. I was sick of everyone calling me the youngest kid in the class, the nerd, the genius. Those titles were not what I was supposed to be known as. I wanted a title. A serious title. But a 16-year-old from the Bronx wasn't gonna get any recognition anytime soon.

When it came time for LHHS's annual senior prank, they turned to me.
"The hell do you want me to do?"
"Somethin' new, Nathanial."
"Like...?"
"Well, you could set something on fire or something."
"That's a prank? You guys suck."
"You can come up with something better?"
"Why do you guys want me to do it anyway?"
"Cause... Everyone would know it was you and no one would say somethin'."
I thought about it. Really. I wasn't the type to do favors, but ... It had me thinking. Really thinking. I could take this to a whole nother level. And they had a point. No one in the Bronx would mess with me. If they would, they'd have to put up with my father. That was the only thing he was useful towards me for. Backup. That and that alone is why I didn't leave with my mother.

Everyone in my neighborhood would talk about the "Poor Davis Kids." That's how me and my siblings were known. Our dad didn't care who knew what he did to us. No one would do anything about it. If they did, they would become another missing person in our back yard and not a person would be any the wiser. It wasn't like anyone didn't care, people tried to get us out. Social workers would come, and like everyone else on the outside who entered my house, my hillbilly trailer park of a house, they'd disappear. That's what my father was known as. The Bronx' best serial killer. Never caught, never brought to court. No one ever pressed charges or dared to point the finger at him. I'd walk in the back yard once a week and count the I.D.'s left by people. That gave me an accurate count. That week it was 22. 22 I.D.'s. The backyard was all dirt. One section had flowers, but the rest was dirt and graves. Flat as they needed to be. It's how he covered up. Obviously it was good enough...

Then it hit me. I was miserable. It took me that long to figure out everyone else in New York was happier than I was. And it bothered me. Wasn't I capable of being happy? Couldn't I live a decent life? Why wasn't I already living a good life? What was I missing? I sat on my porch and watched people, my neighbors, my classmates, live their lives and wrote everything they did down. They talked to each other, they walked their pets, they did everything I didn't. Everything I despised by nature. I wasn't about to force myself to do what they did to make a substitute for happiness. Something I couldn't have was feet away and I still sat there with my life inside the house behind me. Why does everyone have to be happy? Why can't they be miserable like me? I could. So could they. I could make them. I could make them understand. What if they couldn't have a best friend? A pet? A mother? If I couldn't why should they be allowed to? I had the power, the authority to change lives. And nothing could be done to stop me.

But that insanely, crazy girl, who also turned out to be my next door neighbor, wants to see what I'm writing. Again.
"Hi."
"Are you following me?"
"No. Do you want me to?"
"Go home. Now."
"Why don't you call me by my name? I know you know it. I know your name."
I asked her. I strait out asked her. She would know.
"Are you happy?"
"Me? God, no. But I'm cool with that."
"How are you 'okay' with being unhappy?"
"Cause', I am an optimist."
"A what?"
"An optimist. Happy 24/7. I may not be happy but that doesn't mean I can't be happy. An optimist is someone who looks at the positive. Your life can be crap, but you can still wear a smile on your face everyday."
"What's the opposite of an...optimist, was it?"
"A pessimist. Pessimists don't see a bright light in any tunnel."

'You can be happy, without being happy...' It stuck in my mind all the time I was taking notes. Natilie didn't leave. Not even after it was way dark out. We had two street lights in the cul de sac. One in front of Natilies house and another in front of the house I knew that the family was in the backyard. It was getting cold; I saw Natilie shivering a little out of the corner of my eye. I wanted to give her my thermal sweater but a cop car drove down the street towards her house. She got up and sat behind me, like she was hiding. I didn't know it until then, her dad was a cop. I had a cop living next to a serial killer. Ironic isn’t it? Mr. Owens stepped out of his car and looked around.
"Nathanial Lee, have you seen my daughter?"
I shook my head even though she was behind me. I could feel her hard breathing heating my neck.. Mr. Owens looked around again before re-addressing me.
"Nathanial Lee if I find out you did something to my daughter--"
"I'll let you know."
His face shifted. I waved from my porch. He went in his house and Natilie checked to make sure he was gone.
"Thanks."
"Sure. Now, go home."

"Can--can I stay with you tonight?"
"Are you out of your mind?"
"Please, Nathanial Lee?"
"No. Go home. I don't want your dad coming to my house."
"Nathanial Lee...please...Let me stay here."
"Why would you want to stay here?"
"I feel safe with you."
I looked at her. I could see in her eyes she didn't want to go home. Something I'd seen numerous time in the mirror of the boys bathroom. Part of me wanted to give her my sweatshirt and tell her she could stay but the other half was completely scared out of his mind of what my father would do if he found out I brought someone in the house without his okay. Natilie could become two things in one night, #23 in a pile of bodies in my backyard and another bad memory.
"Go home, Natilie. Now."
"Nathan, please!"

She was actually the first person ever to call me Nathan. Mostly because that was my older brothers name. No one wanted us to get confused. I called Nathan: Nathan and he called me Nate. No one called me Nathan before. I actually was about to tell her to come in before someone heard her, but it was too late.
"Natilie Owens! Get in this house this instant!"

She sat stunned she had run out of time, then slowly got up and dragged her feet into the Tudor. Mr. Owens stared at me and went in after his daughter. I went inside my own home and in my room, tossing the notebook into the piles of others I had finished. Double sided pages of whatever. Nathan walked in my room, a smile on his face.
"What are you smiling about?"
"I donno. It may have something with the fact that tomorrow I am officially an adult and am moving out of this rat hole, ASAP."
"Congrats."
"And you're coming with me, little bro.
"What?"
"You heard me, Nathanial Lee."
"What about Al'lea and Eddward?"
"I'm only allowed to take on person with me a week. So...? Why are you still on your butt? Get packing. I leave tomorrow. Early."

Nathan’s new place was nice. A bit far from my school but it was great considering my father was no where to be found. (We had left before he woke up.) But not before Natilie saw us pulling away. She had a fresh black eye, probably a result of breaking curfew. It wouldn't be the first time that happened. I went back to school that day to find everyone had done the prank without me. They painted graffiti all over my English Lit teachers car...there was something they didn't tell me. Something that completely ticked me off during English class.
"Nathanial Lee Davis Jr.," My head jerked up to my name. "Did you think you were going to get away with this?"
"With what?"
"Don't play stupid with me, you little bastard! What you did to my car!"
"What I did?! I didn't do anything!"
"Oh, really?"
I could here the kids in the back cracking up. They all lived in my old neighborhood. He walked over to the window and pulled up the blinds and I saw an over painted car with the 50 colors of the rainbow spread over it, but the thing that caught my attention was the big red markings making out four symbols...: NLD2. My initials.

I didn't do the crime but I had to do the time. I had to wash the car free of paint. Which wasn't too hard because it was still wet. I saw the four who had set me up. They mocked me washing the car and cracked up on their success. They forgot the number one thing not to do. Upset me. I was going to get even and prove that no one was allowed to mess with Nathanial Lee Davis the 2nd the only way I could, using my fathers profession as my tool. His reputation was at my disposal. It wasn't like I hadn't seen him murder people. My father had no definite M.O. Just kill. No one could figure him out. But why should he get the credit for my work? Why can't I prove I was worth more than he said I was? I could taunt them with the very thing they implicated me with. They would learn not to ever tick me off again. I would make them want me gone. And hope to God I forgot their names and faces.

The first kid lived two houses down from my old house. He left to go down the block. That gave me maybe five or six minutes to do what I had to do. He had left his dog tied up in his front yard. It didn't matter where it was. I was getting even my way. I grabbed the leash and looped it around itself like in the gallows. I climbed up in the tree and latched on end to a branch and slid down to untie the dog. I had him by his collar but he didn't try and get away. Kinda made me want to leave him alone but my mind shifted to my goal. I looped the end around his neck and I dropped him. I had a kitchen knife in my pocket and began to carve my initials into the bark while the dog suffocated behind me. I stood back and admired my work then walked home. I was almost eager to hear about my work in the news or at school. I realized, I could have a title. An easy title. But the thought screamed in my mind 'I'm not my father. I'm not a murderer. I'm a writer.' But until my revenge is over that would have to be the way it was.

Natilie was looking through the window in my new house. I didn't know how she knew where I lived. I sure as hell didn't tell her. I tapped her to make sure it was her and she jumped.
"Oh, my-- Don't do that, Nathanial Lee!"
"What are you doing here, girl?"
"Looking for you."
"Why?"
"Because, I wanted to know why you left."
"What do you care?"
"I care. I can't care?"
"No. Go home."
"I wanted to know if I could stay here with you and your brother..."
"NO! Why do want to follow me everywhere? Why do you want to be everywhere I am?"
"...Well, I--"
"Natilie, you can't stay here!"
"Why not? You and you're brother are nice! I don't know a lot of nice people, Nathanial Lee...Just you, and my mom."
"How are you so sure I'm a nice person?"
"I just know..."

Nathan walked up to us and almost burst out laughing.
"Hey, Nate, you got a girlfriend and didn't tell anyone?"
"Shut up! She's not my girlfriend!"
"Nathan...?"
"That's me."
"Can I stay here for the night?"
"I just told you no."
"I don't see why not. Unless Nathanial Lee can give me a good reason..."
I couldn't. So, it turned out, since we still had a lot of bags and boxes in the rooms, Natilie had to sleep in my room. I protested this but Nathan said he was legal and didn't want something to happen to my future wife. Natilie insisted on sleeping on the floor and I insisted on her sleeping on the extra mattress. Eventually, I gave up and let her sleep wherever, giving her a pillow and a sheet. When I woke up she was in my bed clung to my arm, sheet, pillow and all, with Nathan standing in the doorway, laughing at me.
"How long have you been there?"
"Bout as long as she has. Told you, you two make a cute couple."
We all sat there, in the kitchen Nathan with the newspaper, my eyes skimming the front page looking for my accomplishment. It wasn't anywhere in sight...
"That's sucks..."
"What?"
Nathan showed me the paper and there was my work all over the page.
"Well, well..."
"Some loser killed you friend Richie's dog."
"Who said he was my friend? That jackass told the teacher I vandalized his car."
"Tch...that's not your style. You're more the showoffy type."
"What does that mean?"
"It's a compliment. Like, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you did this here. You have a claim. Proud of your accomplishment sorta thing... Dammit though...if Richie did that to me, I woulda killed him, man..."
"Literally?"
"Hell, yes. I wouldn't be surprised if this was you. Seriously, Natilie, if someone did this to you would you do the same thing?"
"If I had the stomach... Hey, If whoever did that was a guy I'd so date him."

At school Richie was no where in sight. But at lunch I didn't see my brother, Eddward. Eddward never missed a day of school in his life. Never. Even when he was sick. He'd sit in his chair miserable but there. I was worried. Eddie was the youngest but he was my personal favorite. He had the attitude I did. No one else in the family had my attitude but him. I taught him life hands nothing to nobody. And he built himself from that. Al'lea walked up to me, her eyes were red like she hadn't slept.
"Nathanial Lee... Dad had a line up last night...cause you left..."
A line up in when one of us screwed up we all would line up in the back against the fence and dad would have target practice. It'd been happening lately since my mom left. There was us on the bottom and above our heads were soda cans. He had three rounds. If he missed, he missed into our heads.
"And...?"
"He got six rounds cause you and Nathan left...he missed, Nathanial Lee."
"What?"
"Eddie...he's--"
"Not...Not little Ed...? Aw, come on...No..."

This is the last thing I wanted...The last. I couldn't handle it. It threw me off the edge. Eddie was my last tie to sanity, to reality, and if he was gone... My revenge on the world became more depth and complex. I looked into backgrounds. Peoples weaknesses. I wanted what was mine. My revenge. No more page 16 news. This would be 16 pages of news. Front page. Everywhere. You don't take a guy like me and kill his brother off because then some other people are going to get killed off and it's wasn't going to be pretty. For once I was actually glad to see Natilie. She walked over to me and did something I least expected. She hugged me and apologized.
"I got you something, Nathanial Lee."
She held out a brown box. Inside was a pocket knife. Not like the kinds people get in corner stores. No. This was top of the line smooth polished wood and metal handle with pure steel blade. The blade itself was special all on it's own. It had Nathanial Lee Davis 2 grafted into the metal in gold letters. I was a little shocked; first on the thought that I had never gotten a real present from someone’s heart. Second to the fact that I didn't understand why she was so persistently trying to be nice to me. A hatred began to grow inside of my being. A hatred towards happy living people. I began to contemplate how lately I had gotten sick from studying them, their happiness. And I realized that if I didn't get even and do it fast, this could get out of hand. I could be addicted to it. Forget who I am and become my worst enemy...

I know it's violent and evil and dark and crap but look at it another way. If you read Part 2 you'll understand why most of this is here.

I saw one of the girls I wanted to get even with. I had a source who told me she had a cat that was the schools mascot. She played on the Basketball team so it would affect her game and her brain. Two for one. Then I had my brain calculate the most effective way to bring it all to an end. I snuck into the girls locker room while they were playing in the gym. They kept the cat in a travel box in the back. I looked at the cat and at my brand new knife. I changed plans suddenly, silently thanking Natilie for her contribution. The cat growled at me, being able to tell a boy wasn't supposed to be in the girls locker room. I ignored it an proceeded to move the knife under it's neck and remove it's head. I hid it in her locker and went to wash the blade off. I realized I had forgotten my claim. I walked back but there was no where to carve my initials. I poked a hole in my palm and wrote my initials in the tile wall. They girls started to pile back in the room as I slipped out unnoticed. I could hear from the edge of the gym the screams coming from the locker room. Smiling in my brain, I melted into the crowd.

Going home I ran into Natilie. She said she didn't want to bother me she just wanted to let me know she was staying at her own house tonight and not to worry even though she was so positive I wasn't going to. Or say I was. I realized she just wanted my approval. I wanted to like her. She had a sweet personality and she deserved better than some bad ass loner from the Bronx. I suppose that's when I began to develop feelings for her. I tried to deny it but the more I thought about it, I thought about how I did want to be nice and let her read whatever I wrote. I decided that the next day she could stay where ever she wanted. I settled bed and began to fall asleep when Nathan walked in.
"You awake?"
"Kinda. What's up?"
"Uh," He sat down on the bed. "Nate, you're gonna be able to move out on you own one day you know? I want you to know that Eddie...was my fault. If I had just dealt until you were old enough we coulda gotten Eddie out."
"That wasn't your fault. Don't blame yourself."
"Yeah, well...I just wanted to let you know...I'm proud of you and...I love you. You know that, right? You do, Nathanial Lee?"
"I do. I love you, too, Nathan."
"Hey, I'll always be around. You need help just call me and ask. Okay?"
"Okay."

He got up to leave but stopped and gave me a hug. And as I curled up to go back to bed I realized I was actually smiling. I was happy someone cared. I said it. I was H-A-P-P-Y. Someone gave a damn so I was. And I thought I always would be. Right up until I closed my eyes...And my world ended...

With no legal guardian to look after me I was forced to move back in with my father and Al'lea. Marie refused to talk to me saying I was the cause of Nathan's death. I felt like it. He had separate notes, personally addressed to each of the family, explaining how this was of his own hand and his own mind. I kept mine in my pocket and to this day I still have the original but I retype it every once in a while. It was special. It was real and I hated it. So I carry it around to remind myself that I'm still human and still have an inner being I have to listen to once in a while. My life changed. No one was allowed to call me anything but Nathanial Lee. I had gotten my way. I got my front page. And the 15 behind it. A beautiful picture of my initials in blood. Mine. They could test it. I would match and it wouldn't matter. Dad would handle it. Or I could do it myself. Either way it would be handled. I still had two more targets. I figured it would be enough. But there was a problem. The other two had no pets. So the question was: What could I exploit to my advantage? Everything I came up with was small peaches to the big picture I wanted... They were big on grades and stuff so I thought... Implicate them. Cheating was big in my school. You cheat, you get expelled. I could do it, that was easy. All I would have to do is show it was NLD2's fault. Not mine.

Richie was in school the next day the other girl, too. They were terrified out of their minds. Good. They're lucky I'm wasn't a full blooded murderer like my father. The other two had no idea they were connected. They had a common trait they were going to be punished for. Lucky me we had a test that morning. Earlier, before class I taped the answers to underside of the desks they sat in. I finished early and watched them struggle with the answers. They were smart enough they got all the answers right, which also meant there was no denying they'd get in trouble if someone just happened to let that information fly. The test ended and the teachers checked desks to make sure there was no notes that just happened to have the answers on them. They came to the first ones desk and there was a whole lot of noise. Denial and more denial, then being dragged by their collars out the door. They saw something and both started crying out, "It wasn't us! It was NLD2!!!" Richie and the other girl looked at each other and slowly, wearingly walked over to the desks. But like a snake popped out and tried to bite them, they jumped back and ran out the room. Mainly because before class I wrote in red permanent marker: NLD2. I'd done it. I'd gotten my revenge. It was all over. I could deal with my life until it would happen again... I can't believe it did though...

Going home, I ran into Natilie. I didn't push her away or tell her to leave. I just sat on my porch and waited for her to sit next to me.
"There's some things...you and I should talk about..."
"You did it didn't you, Nathanial Lee? You killed Richie’s dog, and the school mascot and you made the other two cheat? You did, didn't you?"
"I did. But I had a good reason to--"
She grabbed me around my mid-section and squeezed.
"That's--that's amazing! I--wow..."
She wasn't mad. I didn't understand why she was proud that I did it.
"You think-- you think you could help me?"
"With what? With who?"
"I--I can't say..." She looked around. "Not here. Your house? Just this--"
"Okay, but not too long. My dad'll be home soon. Okay?"
She nodded and sat up, perk in her step. Following me through the screen door, then the wooden one, down the hall, to the back in my room. I sat on my bed and she picked a spot next to me, sitting rather close.

"The thing is, Nathanial Lee... I've never told anyone about this. It's our little secret."
"Okay," I listened intentively, giving her my full attention.
"My dad's a bad cop."
"How do you know?"
"My dad...he helps your dad clean up in your backyard. And..."
"And...?"
"He's not too nice to me and my mom."
"How not nice?"
"Like he, uh..."
She was grabbing my t-shirt and letting it go rythmaticly. I looked at her but she was distracted on thinking on a way to explain things to me.
"He doesn't...act (That's the word) the way other dads do..."
"I wouldn't know what you mean."
She laughed at herself a bit realizing she was talking to me.
"I mean...not like your dad...I meant, like...he's not... appropriate, is the word I'm looking for."

"You mean... with you?"
"Yeah."
"How much?"
"A lot."
"What's 'a lot'?"
From the angle I was sitting I could see her getting ready to break down crying. I did something I didn't even do when my sisters were crying. I grabbed her hand in mine and with the other hand I forced her head on my shoulder where she buried her face sobbing.
"Nathanial Lee... Please make him stop! Please!"
"I will... You just calm down and I will."
We sat there for a while. I don't know how long, but she calmed down a bit and was nodding off on my shoulder. I didn't move or push her away, I sat patiently waiting for her to talk to me again.
"Are you okay?" She wiped he nose and nodded slightly.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you that."
"It's alright, Nat. As long as you feel better." She smiled and chuckled a little.
"I knew it."
"Knew what?"
"You do care about me, Nathanial Lee."

My face burned. I couldn't think. She was right in a way. What her dad was doing to her was wrong but, me showing I had emotions was worse.
"Okay...What if I do?"
"Then I have another favor to ask..."
She leaned over, her hand moving from my T-shirt to the knee of my jeans.
"I-I know what my dad does to me is wrong and all...but..."
Her hand moved again, closer to my T-shirt but still on my leg.
"It's wouldn't be so bad if you and I... just happened to..."
She leaned in close to my face. Hormones were playing sick jokes on us and there was nothing we could do to make them stop. My heart was desperately trying to jump out of my chest and in to hers.
"Do something... here in you room... now..."
The question if it was me who kissed her or her who kissed me is unknown. All we knew was it didn't matter. It happened.