So cold, so lonely

Time for part two - slightly different styleee but its still grandiosa

Duties

Cornelius Fudge, minister of magic headed up towards the prison, Azkaban. The island, cold and grey stretched ahead of him, dark in spirit as well as presence; he shuddered, looking at the guards who accompanied him, glad of their presence. Men like … and … were overlooked by some but not by this minister, he felt 10 feet taller when he walked between them, not that he would admit it to anyone else but he was terrified of all that his job entailed, at least he could rely on support, loyal support. The solid gates drew nearer, rocks jutting out to meet him as the boat stopped. Trembling he stepped off;
‘You alright boss?’
‘Just cold, lets move along.’ He muttered to his companion, looking at the paper he held in his hand, The Daily Prophet, headlining news – a family on holiday, at least he didn’t have any major crisis to preside over.

Regular inspections of the prison, all in a day’s work. Past the rows of cells, madmen lined up twisted in agony, crying out to him, whimpering, shadows of the men who once were esteemed by some, feared by many. This was the prize of the aurors, row upon row of mindless followers, unable to think but intent upon revenge and holding out, pleading for him to return. Cornelius shuddered again, shaking himself off to move on to the end cell, the final prisoner, the worst of all…
‘Afternoon minister,’ a sinister voice called through the darkness of his bars, a toothy grin accompanied it as the face of Sirius Black came into view peering at the ministerial crowd. The Cornelius jumped, spluttering, his head not reaching the height at which Sirius bent to, his hat now perched in a rather peculiar manor, falling slightly over his eyes, robes twisted, he shuffled straightening up.
‘Afternoon Black, good to see you in such high spirits’
‘Well I am always enchanted by your visits,’ Black scowled, he would much rather see almost any other wizard or witch than this blundering fool but anyone with hints of the world beyond the bars of his cell was a welcome change to the dementors. Anyway, Fudge was always fool enough to entertain him, give him food for thought, an offering of amusement, a copy of a paper, a quiz or questionnaire, and Sirius needed a new challenge.

Fudge entered the cell, if he was being honest, a part of him looked forward to meeting Black, the man, murderer, was remarkable, practically sane in the madhouse of a prison. He was full of ideas and theories concerning ministry work, not that he used the ideas, oh no, that would be dangerous, but he was bright, could have been a great asset. Today conversation turned to the news, nothing to say really, he handed over the paper for the crossword. Black looked at it curiously, the front cover, shaking his head:
‘I honestly look forward to these visits minister,’
Cornelius laughed, ‘I do suppose there is little else to look forward to,’ he muttered light-heartedly, smiling at the prisoner and shaking him by the hand.
‘Until we meet again or so the cliché goes…’ Sirius turned to the paper as the minister gathered his officials and left. Buffoon, he thought as he carelessly leafed through the pages, waiting to be sure the minister’s crowd had gone, then turning to stare at the front again.

Pettigrew! The rat, quite literally, there in front of him, Sirius snarled at the picture of the happy family, waving and smiling and the rat on the boy’s shoulder. Scanning through the article, he found something that made him cling to an idea, the boy was returning to Hogwarts, with him the rat would go. A plan began to form in his mind as he doodled on the floor of his cell in the sand: A moon, Moony; A stag, Prongs with an girl next to him; A dog, himself, small and insignificant; and A rat, Wormtail with a dagger in his heart.

Moony, he scrawled around the edge of the paper,
I have found him now, I promise, once I have done this I will find you. But first I must go Marauding alone, my final task and then…I feel so much hate burn inside of me as I sit here and watch the grinning family with their smug pet rat. Him Moony, I promise you it was him and now for all of us, I will escape, I have a plan please wait for me, please here me tonight when I howl to the moon for you, please hear me then. Look for me, I will return.

I feel so much stronger now, the wind is not so harsh as I look across the sea, I could swim that, in one form, I am sure, and then

Sirius looked up, it was true, he was starting to feel alive again, he was mad, blood was cursing through him as he thought, it was so simple, all too simple perhaps. Not yet, he must gather strength and then soon he would be ready, soon he would be free. He was no longer so alone, inside he felt some comfort that 12 years in prison could not take away. He would be ready and he would get revenge, apologise and leave, they could have him then. That was all he needed.

----------------------------------------

Remus Lupin woke up from a dream, sweating and shaking, he was weak couldn’t focus on what had just happened. There had been happiness, something that felt quite alien to him and something else that in its existence made him happy, something he just couldn’t remember.

Sighing he lay back down, life itself was always too much of a struggle that it was nice for there to be a moment of unearned happiness. Now, he couldn’t believe it, he had a proper respectable job, Dumbledore had asked him to teach and he had had to think about it, he didn’t like the pitty that followed him around any more than the disgust, but a job was a job and at Hogwarts too, how that place held memories. Him and the Marauders, their fun and mischief, their pranks and the truly dangerous things that they did.

How much he missed them, how much James did for him, and Sirius, he didn’t think that too often. But how he missed Sirius. That always joyful presence, the ability to make him do the craziest thing, his smile and the look in his eyes, how he imagined Azkaban had made that go. What would be left of him now, surely there would be none of the arrogant beauty, none of the playful mischief, what would it be like to meet him again. How would he, the thinker react if he saw him again. Not since a whole year before the incident. So long and no word, that final, fateful note ‘I am compelled to leave’ it said, but what did that mean?

I don’t hate him, Remus thought, I miss him. Hogwarts will be painful, it is crammed with 7 years of memories and there will be no escape from them. Only six weeks to go, a summer of loneliness before his life would change. But how much, that he didn’t know.

That was it, the dream, Sirius had been there. He was tired and old but happy, newly invigorated. It was a long time since he had thought about his old lover but dreams had a knack of forcing things upon him.

You're quite the writer, XjainaX! ✅

Jesus. You sound just like J.K. Still not crazy about the remus/Sirius thing but its still amazing!

I was amazing. I really like your story even though it is kind of weird still, but it is really good.

but remus already has someone-its tonks-do something with sirius cause thats fresh and original

dube shush about the tonks thing - they've not met yet, it is possible that even in the mind of the great jk that he dated others before tonks...

im not saying she ment for the guys but.... hey we can all write as we want 🙂

i think what shes trying to say is that Remus is straight lol

😱

how would you kno? he could be bi - thats how i see him so thats how i write him, adds deapth to the problem that tonks has in bk 6 in getting him to say yes, i think it has to be more than just warewolf problems that makes him doubt for so long. I read it that JK has him battling something deeper, i.e. his feelings for women/men and trying to work that out.

why else would he not go out with her after (presumably) an incident between the two that convinces tonks that she likes/loves him and he back at her, unless there was history or no feelings on his half which there obviously isn't by the end of bk 6

😗

but this afterall suggesting that JK's characters have deapth which i do doubt at times, well most of the time... lol

i dont think that. I was trying to help you understand what OhILuvHP said. That could be.

😆 lol cant wait till you post more

i think it was really gr8 althogh i gotta admit i tthought id neva read a Remus and Sirius fic. but it was so good and i hope to read some more soon lol.

it kinda makes me wanna write a fic on just Sirius on how he got to Godrics Hollow and finds Lily and James dead and how he landed himself into Azkaban Prison and of how he escaped and eventually ends up dying but with him not going out with anyone and how he stumbles upon Harry.

ye its like i said ur story is just so unreal. i really like it

Originally posted by XjainaX
dube shush about the tonks thing - they've not met yet, it is possible that even in the mind of the great jk that he dated others before tonks...

im not saying she ment for the guys but.... hey we can all write as we want 🙂

oh yeah.....i know they havent met yet. but i was just saying that someone should write about sirius because we havent heard anything about him (besides you story) and remus/tonks are together-but its TRUE.....jk could have meant for remus to have dated someone before. i was just saying that about sirius. anyways, you should keep going. i dont care what you write about cause your a really good writer!

yah. you are a truly great writer!! i see why you might think that lupin is bi or whatever but why did you put him with sirius? i just would have never thought he would like guys ( well i guess i really never thought any of them would but you know what i mean)

Sirius the way i see him at school is the hottest guy who flits with everyone, male and female but thats only to hide how he feels inside, i guess that if any of the characters in HP are gay, it would have to be him - if i try to see him with female OC, it just dusnt work. Either he never dated or he is gay!

are you going to post soon

ye i cant wait to c wat happens next

soon.....sooon

sp_ike

Originally posted by XjainaX
Sirius the way i see him at school is the hottest guy who flits with everyone, male and female but thats only to hide how he feels inside, i guess that if any of the characters in HP are gay, it would have to be him - if i try to see him with female OC, it just dusnt work. Either he never dated or he is gay!

ok yeah i guess you are right. i cant really see him having a girlfriend. and you should post! your writing is excellent!

well it is soon in a long time sort of way, NEW CHAPTER NEW CHAPTER i am very excited by this one, it is just a little weird, the things i do when i don't want to write my personal statement, lol.... so here it is... in all its shiny greatness...

Spies

I don’t believe I’m writing this. Always you felt that things needed to be written down, I was content to smile and speak. I would be happy now if it weren’t for you suddenly being on my mind. I dreamt first that you were happy, or at least motivated to do something and the next time I hear of you, it is in the news, every paper muggle and wizard saying that you’re mad and escaped. I think of you so much this summer, but before I had forgotten; you were gone but you are back again.

I can never tell you how much I hated you back then when you left, seeing the others, I know you did. But you didn’t trust me: that hurt and I hated you for it. For so many years I could think of you in red light burning you up for the pain that you caused me for killing them. But now I find that I cannot recall that hate, I no longer want to see you dead. I think now, finally after all these years – I miss you.

All the years without you have been so lonely- can you imagine me like that. So cold, so lonely inside. I tried so many things. I had a band, a muggle group called Wolf, we rocked, you would have loved the stuff we played, old tunes that everyone knows. It was a laugh – I think that was the only time I felt I had friends, people who cared for me as the person, people who looked out for Remus. But then it went wrong, I started taking drugs. Simple, there I’ve said it, told you clean out. I took drugs, not so innocent now. They messed with my warewolfness I was free at night but after coming back, it was worse than ever before, the pain, it hurt too much but the drug was good – I was so alive.

I gave it all up, came back to my senses when two of the other band members were arrested. I didn’t want anything like that. I just wanted my freedom. Years alone after that, dead end job following loneliness, dreams were gone, Hogwarts, you, James, it all faded into a dreamlike memory. I hated life. One of those things, depression, that’s what they call it, a disease, an illness. I needed help. I think then it was that I saw it all differently. I lay on the grass, in any old field, drunk but peaceful – I never was a violent drunk. And then I just saw it – how great everything looked. How I could see so much more than was actually there, I decided to write, ‘A Spy On The World’. I was suddenly as thought the world was drawn in colour, I could smile and look at other people around me, not hide away, and I could write. So I wrote and I kept on at it, and here I am. Happy for once to be alive.

You wouldn’t recognise me, I’m not the kid I used to be, I’m stronger than before, and just a nicer person. I think that I have finally grown up, and I know you’ll find that hard to read but I never was as mature as you all though. I was just filling a role, you befriended me and I saw you needed a mature friend, I was so much younger inside that any of you, I was always so jealous of your sophisticated nature. Of the way you could flirt with anyone, girl or boy, of how much you knew of the ways of the world. I was never as old as you were at 12 not even leaving school. How did this all happen?

I’m writing to a convict, my ex-lover, best friend, the murderer of my only other friends, the only person who understood me then. Why? I’m not even going to send this, how could I? I don’t know where you are or how you have changed. I have to destroy this letter over every word I have thought so hard; I will put you behind me forever now. I fly solo, no shadow at my side, no ghost over my shoulder, no skeletons in my closet. I am to finally become a respectable man and no Hedda Gabler can bring me down (I know how you loved the play with its wrath and scheming, you always were the male Hedda, and I poor Eilert whose heart you have broken, but you cannot kill me).

Hogwarts, Padfoot – remember what that place meant to us, our home for the childhood I should never have had. Too many memories will haunt me, that is why it is good that I have thrown you off like this and moved on. I go to teach my friend, I am a teacher. You would laugh now, I just think if you had not done it all what fun we would have here as I prepare, you tease me on my proffessorlyness, and I hide from you. Gosh, I love that dream but I know it is not you. It is the man of my imagination, who is scared away by those photos of you now, the daemon staring out of them. I still hide.

I won’t burn this, I can’t. I will leave it here on the table. I can pretend I have left it for you to read, I haven’t moved house, you know where I live. I know you won’t come but a small part of me wants to see you again. Padfoot, how do you do this to me, I hate you!

So this is it, no parchment left, I say hello, goodbye, I hate.

Moony

_________________________________________

Sirius stepped into the light, above him streetlamps burnt as the great dog padded through the muggle estate. Looking, prowling, hunting for a familiar sight. Up above, a commotion, screaming and shouting. Sirius saw a shape heading into the sky, a large balloon screaming up above him, suspiciously like a human figure. He slowly stalked on down the road. He was close to his prey.

Hiding silently in the bushes, a wiry figure ran towards him. Sirius started, James? The boy was so alike; in the light, it could easily have been a ghost of his old friend running through the night. Sirius stepped out of his hiding place, he wanted to see clearly, this boy, he couldn’t be, not the child, Harry, the angel baby he had seen last 12 years ago, grown up and so close to blossoming. Stepping forward again, the boy saw him and fell, tripping up behind him, falling ad stretching out onto the road, his wand. Sirius felt fear for the boy, he was all alone, why, why did no one look out for his godson? Where was the carer he deserved, in Azkaban for the last 12 years, he felt so guilty, turning to run that he promised himself to do it all. Everything he should have done, all that caring, all that love, he had to be there.

Padding back into the bushes as the Knight bus arrived. Slinking off to sleep. He had done what he wanted, he had seen, just seen him. The boy that lived. The boy that was so often cursed in Azkaban, the boy he had a duty to protect, the boy he had failed. Sirius needed to sleep away; tomorrow he would start to head upward. North to Hogwarts.

Passing by a village one lunchtime, Sirius chanced upon an idea. Lolloping up towards some young children, he barked and chased his tail.
‘Doggy,’ one girl cried out.
‘Pwitty dog, woof,’ her friend agreed as she sprinkled him in crumbs. Sirius barked and bounded up into the middle of a group of eating children being immediately rewarded by the many offerings given, sandwiches, biscuits, and fruit. Sirius smiled and played for his meal before bounding off down the road when the children ran out of food. Listening to calls of ‘ here boy’ ‘come back doggie’ ‘doggy, doggy, woof, woof’ as he fled their grasping hands.

As the countryside became more rugged and the hills became more painful, Sirius began to realise where he was. There was only one other person he cared about, only one other face he wanted to see. The last known residence of Remus Lupin had been on the outskirts of the small town of Leek. Sirius thought he could see the shapes of familiar hills forming around him. The little cottage in the hills, he could surely find that, and…

And what, confront Moony, a fully armed wizard? He would be gone before he could explain a thing, how would Moony have changed over the last years apart, he would have someone else, he wouldn’t even live here any more. But still. One little detour, look through the window, hope to see his face, his beauty. And then run.

Sirius found the house, no problem. Same as always, perfect, home. There was the door with the marks from the wolf and his dogged companion; there was the small carving of the two of them as one still by the door, why? That was odd, had he not moved on, was there still a part of him that hoped for him, Sirius wondered. Through the window, he could see nothing; there was no one there. Silently he pushed the backdoor, open as always, Sirius hurried back, he couldn’t. Nevertheless, he had entered so many houses undetected to steal a little food; he just wanted to see inside. No one would know. He stepped in.

Bare and natural, some people never change. Sirius froze, there, on the table just in front, a piece of parchment. Addressed, labelled, sealed, to him. Sirius trembling reached out a hand, he felt cold, shaking all over, he wondered if it were a trap, what this meant. He felt like a spy on his most daring mission, terrified. He grasped at the letter in both hands, sliding his finger under the seal, careful not to disturb it too much. He closed his eyes and then, sighing opened them, preparing for the worst. He read.

🙄 isn't this great, i even managed to bring dear old Hedda into this, good play btw if you ever want something to read. too much suspense and i can't write suspenders well... lol...love you and leave y'all

That was brillant. Post more soon