Scythe's Words Of Wisdom
...For what they're worth, here are my blasphemous recommendations/considerations regarding a few topics at hand. A few views on purpetual shit shall be seasoned about.
Toilet Paper: Conserve toilet paper by jumping in the shower when you're done.
Birth Control: The best approach to this age old question is simple, consume as many fatty foods as possible. Push your fat sow, er...I mean significant other past the brink of obesity. Because with that many folds of skin, does it even matter if your using the main door?
Gay Sex: It's fine. In public? Sure! You just need a permit. For five cents you may purchase a temporary ten minute permit from me, however, if you wish for a permanent permit, you must cough up $350,000 and also pay for the entire six years of school I will have to endure. Not to mention the extra $120,990 for my campaign to become a senator, and from there on we'll talk. However, be aware I might use the money for the sole purpose of purchasing sweets, half of which I won't even eat, just the fact that I own them and a small child in a third-world country doesn't, will fill me with delight. Glee will be thrown in there if you're lucky!
Gas Prices: Shut the hell up and start getting as cheap as porn. I have grown tired of carrying attractive women on my lap. My wheelchair is meant for one person only and you women adore lying about you weight.
Jack Thompson: Stop saying things and being the epitome of ignorance. Also take a read through my gay sex solution. You and Lieberman will be very happy.
Rats: Start disciplining radioactive mutants.
Turtles: Start crawling in toxic waste.
Ninjas: Start being turtles.
Hamburgler: Get your ass back in prison.
Barney The Dinosaur: Shut the hell up.
Japan: give me free stuff! And shut the hell up.
Anime: Okay, we get it, everyone in Japan has giant saucer eyes. Happy?
Hentai: You are the funniest shit I've ever seen.
O.J. Simpson: Stop giving orange juice a bad name. Don't make me start a petition in favor of changing it's name to Hitler Juice.
Dogs: Learn to pick your own shit up.
Make-up Wearing Tight Clothed Teens: You're not vampires, so make like the damn purple dinosaur and shut the hell up.
Monkeys: Continue making me laugh with your shenanigans of flung poopery.
Fans of the Pirates Of The Caribbean franchise: Shut the hell up and realize that pirates were murdering, lewd, vile, thieving rapists bent on world domination.
Pokemaniacs: Leave...just get the hell out...
All Babies/infants/toddlers/children: Consider dabbing yourselves in barbeque or honey, just a suggestion.
African-Americans: I am deeply dissapointed with the fact that you disregard informing me that your small child isn't made of chocolate come feeding time.
Men: Realize we're asshol*s.*important
Women: Realize you're bitc*es.*also important
Women with breast implants: Your disgruntled looks you give off when a male notices your chest doesn't paralyze us men with fear, rather it reminds us to forget our sanity, and reach for the closes metal object in which to introduce it with love several times to your precious face in a striking manner.
SelphieT: Stop being so pretty, my eyes shall soon explode. Surprisingly, pain will be replaced with a sheer pleasurable feeling of relentless ecstasy.
Christians: No offense, but putting the word "christian" into anything ever concieved automatically makes it bad.
i.e. christian mosh pit...no thank you...
Mexicans: Stop making me fat.
Caucasians: Stop making me anorexic.
Paris Hilton: Hurry up and explode already.
Bloigen: Hurry up and devour a penguin.
Asians: Continue doing a good job of letting everyone know that not all Asians do indeed know karate.
Middle-Schoolers: Continue doing your DragonBall Z "Fake Fighting" beneath the bleachers, it's literally one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed.
Alternative music listeners: Stop being sarcastic, I can't tell if you're being serious anymore.
Interweb Junkies: See above.
Cyber-sexxers: Anally impale yourselves immediately.
LanceWindu: Consider changing your name to Lancewendy. It will make my typos very happy.
Necromancers: Consider resurrecting your already consumed food instead of regurgitating it.
Vegetarians: Let me just say this; I've never met a healthy Vegetarian...
People feeling guilty after squishing an insect: Shut the hell up and kill as many of those freeloading bastards as possible, for every maggot slain, ten thousand will take it's place, they reproduce while they sleep. They literally slumber atop mountains of semen, they get it on more then a french whore working overtime in Atlantic City.