Reaching the outer rim of the great Zanny city, Scythe realized he was low on fuel. Exiting the ghey mobile, he pushes himself out toward a gas station. Upon coming up to the cashier Scythe was assaulted by Kit from Knight Rider, the Dune buggy from that horrible crap-tastic wannabe Scooby-Doo rip off cartoon and the entire cast of the movie Cars including the car from Back to the Future.
"Hey buddy, got a dollar?" Asked Kit.
"Yeah man, need some gas money man, just let me have enough to buy a taco man!" begged Lightning McQueen.
"You're a car, you don't eat tacos..." explained Scythe.
".....a gas taco?" Answered Lightning.
"More like ASS-taco." Interrupted Kit.
"Okay! This is getting weird..." Proclaimed Scythe.
Taking out his wallet from his back pocket, Scythe slowly takes out two hundred dollars. Handing them over to the cashier, Scythe went on to explain that he wanted the middle eastern discount, which was a ten percent discount for screaming a Taliban death creed.
"ALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALAL
ALA!" LA-LAed Scythe.
"Oh! Thank you very much my homey." Said the cashier.
"Hehehe, ah the racism is making me poop out penguins." Sighed Scythe as a massive 22lb Emperor penguin exits his ass.
Opening the hood of the ghey mobile was no easy task, it needed a stained underwear sample, and five Madonna-esque freak poses to open the hood. Surprisingly, the trunk was voice activated to open when the words, "READY SAILOR!" were uttered.
The ghey overweight monkeys inside the engine all conveniently stuck their massively cheeky asses in the air.
"So, I stick the nozzle in your monkey asses? Why does this remind me of someone?" Joked Scythe.
Sticking the nozzle into all dozen monkeys as the Ass-Penguin watched, made Scythe feel abit strange, which also led him to drive off at 75mph while giving Kit the bird.
"So....my name's Betty, let's go get drunk and screw some hot tuxedo b*tches!" Said The emperor penguin.
"Your a male penguin named Betty that escaped from my ass after I said something racist??" Asked Scythe.
"Ya foo'." Answered Betty.
"And you're street!? Okay, this is getting weird!" Yelled Scythe.
"You've said that so many times it's lost all meaning!" announced Betty.
The neon lights generated heat inside the already stuffy strip joint. Scythe parked his wheelchair next to Betty wondering how the hell he's going to manage to get rid of this penguin.
"Look at that? Ain't she beautiful? Check out her fish-net stalkings!" Said Betty.
"Stalkings? They look like hair scrunchies! Penguin strippers can't wear stalkings." Explained Scythe.
"Yeah, cuz they're just waitin' to take em off for youse!" Replied Betty with excitement.
"No, it's because penguins don't have legs..." Said Scythe.
Reaching out with his pathetic excuse of a wing, Betty snatched a toy gun from a cowboy themed stipper's holster.
"Alright! Make one move and I'll shoot yo ass! Yes, I'm street again!" Yelled Betty as he pointed the toy gun with an oversized cork tied to the gun with a weak piece of string.
"Whaddya gunna do? Pop my ear drums?" said Scythe jokingly.
: : POP : :
A loud popping noise is heard as the oversized cork plows into Scythe's eyeball, spreading VD, crabs, and a rare case of eye herpes throughout his head. Sending Sythe to the ground swiftly with a slam.
"Oh crap...." Sighed Betty. "I gotta get rid of him."
Failing numerous times to grab a hold of Scythe's arm to carry him out, Betty cursed his nubile disease infested wings, then substituted his beak to carry Scythe over to the bar.
Entering the vicinity of the bar, Betty props Scythe next to him, and hails the bartender.
"Ello, My name is Xavius, I'll be your happy go-lucky bartender, my first rule is simple, shut the hell up!" Said Xavius with a smile.
"Yeah, just get me loaded, and a small chocolate milk for my passed out friend here." Replied Betty.
Peering over the counter to take a good look at Scythe, Xavius turns toward Betty to assure him that goats don't drink chocolate.
"So, you want him?" Asked Betty.
"Oh hell no." Answered Xavius. "I have enough fun throwing darts at my limited edition Scythe dartboard. It came with a free mini dartboard with a picture of his crotch!" Said Xavius with glee.
Betty began to contemplate ideas as to how he'll dispose of Scythe's internally retarded body. His thoughts however where interrupted by a cowboy boot wearin', gun-totin' Rev walking by.
"Hey you!" Hollered Betty.
"Yessum?" Answered Da~Rev.
"Now you look like you're a man of few goats, so let me interest you on this one of a kind freak!" Announced Betty.
"Oh my stars! A Scythe key chain! I've been searchin' for one of those for years! Not to mention the fact that I'm already on an unholy pilgrimage to locate my lost ten-gallon hat that calls people ghey. Witnesses say two freaks in a stationwagon might've stolen it, and are vomiting in it as we speak." Said Rev.
"Well today’s your lucky day, here's one for you! No refunds, or takey-backseys!" Said Betty.
Xavius leaned over and whispered in Rev's ear:
"That key chain is death-prone...."
"Everything is death-prone to you, you're a bartender, I feel like killing you right now for not giving me free booze." Explained Rev.
Rolling his hands up and down Scythe's neck to gather enough fat around the back of his neck, Rev formed a make-shift muzzle which he impaled a giant key ring to carry Scythe. Connecting him to his WWLBD key chain, he then went on to connect those to his "Gay pride is for those that have never met Richard Simmons" key chain, which he then connected to his, "my other car is your mom" key chain.
"Finally, my collection is complete!" Announced Rev. "Only the rarest, most hardest to find keychains grace my belt!"
"What the hell is wrong with you, those WWJD keychains are found everywhere, what makes yours so great?" Asked Betty in an outstanding display of dooshery.
"This one belonged to LB himself!" Said Rev.
"Jesus Christ's initials were LB?" Asked Betty.
"No, Lance Bass, who the hell is Jesus? I don't live in Mexico." Explained Rev.
"What....?" Questioned Betty with an awkward look on his face.
Walking out the door, Rev disappeared through the double doors.
"Well, that was that, want to make love?" Asked Betty.
"No, and he's coming back." Said Xavius.
Rev marched up to Betty's presence and yanked Scythe off his key ring.
"..........oo....uch......" Spat Scythe with a bloody mouth.
"What happened?" Asked Betty.
"I was on my way through the double doors when I got all stuck, as if something was not allowing me to enter doorways because I can't fit or something, I blame this god-forsaken key chain, it's cursed!" Declared Rev.
Pressing a button on his belt buckle, A make-shift jetpack sprung to life, and shot Rev straight through the roof where Vinny Valentine is seen taking a crap on the roof.
"It's busy!!" Yelled Vinny.
"What just happened?" Asked Betty.
"You asked if I made sweet, sweet love to you, a psychopath returned your deceased corpse of a key chain back to you, and flew straight through the damn roof punching a hole in it, and of course, exposing Vinny's toilet wearing ass in the process. Now buy something, or start your sexual favors!" Thundered Xirius.
"No, I'll just leave, I'll find someone to take this goat." Said Betty as he exited the bar.
And so, Betty continues to this day dragging the maggot filled slag that is Scythe. To this day, we’re all reminded, that if you are quiet enough, and get past Michael Jackson’s high pitched laughs at night, we can still hear Betty dragging the irresponsible fool of a goat-man.
THE END?