Imperial_Samura
Anticrust Smurf
Originally posted by aniron
I have just started uni (been here three weeks) and I'm finding it really really hard:1= I am not making any friends. I have met 2 people that I sort have struck up a friendship and thats it. All my friends in their unis have made masses of friends and are in a big group. I'm trying hard but nothing is working. I'm actually exhausted of trying.
First of all don't think you need a massive group of friends. I do student mentoring at my uni and I see all types - there are the ones with a massive crowd of acquaintances and kind of friends, and there are people with just a couple of close friends and maybe some class chums.
2 people isn't bad - but if you are determined to have lots of people here are some suggestions:
1st - Clubs and societies. Many universities have a wide variety of these, and they are an excellent way of meeting people - especially ones that have bus trips involved. I joined a wine appreciation group straight up, and in the first couple of weeks we were all together on a two hour long bus trip. Shyness or whatever aside such situations lead to bonding.
2nd - Don't think that classes need be like High school, at uni I have found you might see people for one hour a week in a lecture, and then never cross paths with them again. If possible strike up conversations if your course has team work components, set a good example and all the rest. But don't think its odd if you don't have a lot of in class friends. I know plenty of people who don't speak to anyone else in their classes - their friends are outside uni.
3rd - Social Scene: I'm not much one for bars myself, but some find them a really good place to meet people in a conducive atmosphere. And the best thing is you don't even need to drink as you don't need alcohol to have fun. At my uni there are pool nights, darts nights, toga parties and all the rest. You meet people, get known yourself, be a bit liberal with shouts and you'll be liked.
4th - Variance in schedule: There are a wide variety of social groups in the classes you do. If you have all you classes say in the morning plenty of these might be locked out to you. Variance, a blended schedule, choose some electives if you have the chance that are subjects you can imagine people like yourself might be in.
5th - A gimmick. It is cheesy, and usually happens normally. Some people become recognised and people are more inclined to open up. Myself - I like hats, and wear many different sorts. As such some people have commented, at the opening of a conversation "You're that guy with the hat" - ice breaker.
6th - Be confident! A very important aspect. As I said to begin with - don't feel you need hundreds of friends. But approach any situation with confidence, with self assurance and the like. People are very approachable, and shared interests are many. Music, films, politics - they are happy to talk, and from such humble beginnings friendships can be made.
2= I really don't like my roomies. Where I live is lovely. I can't get better accomadation. But the girls (save one or two) are really bitchy. I know they slag me off and I know they slag this other girl off. It's horrible. I get drunk when I go out and they just watch me like entertainment! LOOSEN UP! And one girl said I NEED alcohol to have fun. HOW DARE SHE JUDGE ME!!! I love theatre, cinema, meals and can actually never drink as I don't like the taste that much.
Which is why I choose to live alone. When I first moved to the city I had the choice of a. moving in with distant relatives (not high on my list) moving in with already established friends or moving in with total strangers. Fortunately an excellent offer came up that saw me have my own apartment. And I haven't regretted it since.
And pleased to see another theatre and cinema fan - two of my great loves. There will be clubs at the uni that cater to such interests. I actually help out with production and the like in some of the university dramatic productions. Great people, a good days work, and some fine theatre.
3= I am really homesick. I miss my family, and my dog so so so so much. I miss more though. I miss where I live, I miss my old life with my friends. I miss my old friends who i can only keep in touch with over the net.
It passes. The best way to come to grips I found was to take your knew situation by the throat and give it a good shake. Dwelling on the places you were before - nothing wrong with that, but if it can mean the new situation remains alien, strange, cold - it leads to the feeling of isolation which only compounds the feeling of homesickness's. Get out and find a great restaurant that you will frequent and come to be on a first name basis with the staff, find a park bench that you enjoy sitting on, one that recharges you. Get a job, find a nice cinema. Make your new situation your life, and not simply something to be compared with your old one.
I am exhausted. I can't be myself. I don't know what to do. does anyone have any suggestions. I'm crying way to much and i'm fed up of the physical ache of it all. 🙁
Most important thing - be yourself. And with fortitude and confidence you will make a place for yourself and it will be good. Don't feel you need to adhere to preconceived images of university life. Find something that works and run with it.
This might mean becoming a hippy with black feet and a back back with "Macdeath" on it.
Or it might mean becoming one of the popular crowed - the important thing is to find your groove and go with it - these are times of opportunity, of self discovery. It is certainly a culture shock for many.
One chap I encountered when I was doing my mentoring training spoke of his experiances - he was in a homesick slump for close to six months, crying, the works before he got it together. After that he never looked back. - great marks, great experiances, a few good friends. It is just about getting on the right track, and not taking the fast and easy.
This is all general broad stuff - one thing to keep an open mind about is, if you do feel it is to much, you can talk to one of the counsellors employed by the uni. It is unfortunate that people are often scared of them or have the idea a person has to have something wrong to see them. In reality talking can be a massive help, just talking. As well as this they are usually in touch with the universities vibes - and can give more specific advice about approaching it, making friends, handling workloads and all the rest.