The Unforgivable Diaries Of DMC!

Hey there...i came up with this REALLY weird idea as i was writing part of an RP thread with SailorLeo in DMC Bloopers

I was bored and i thought this would tide us over until the DVD comes out...😄

Basically its kind of a comedy take on The minds of the cast and crew of Pirates of the Caribbean ...whilst they were filming DMC 😄

Kiddies, we shall be writing the diary entries of anyone and everyone...

Johnny
keira
orlando
Gore
Jack Davenport

You name it, we will add it😄

Its just a bit of fun really, and it is in no way real...although if Kevin Mcnally wishes to wear womens underwear then good for him...hes a brave man 🙂

I've done the first eight...anyone feel free to add in anyone elses' diary entry 😄
Ive done it as a day by day diary...just incase there is any confusion lol

Also, BIG thankyou to PirateDiva who looked over all of these for me before i posted 🙂 your special girl!! 😄

The diary entries will follow this post 😄

Johnny;

Day One:

Dear Ichy;

So we're back again...the good ol' Caribbean...
The delightful keira is back with us again...but sadly so is 'sadsack' ...
yup thats right;
Blunderous Bloom is back with us to give his unwittingly as-boring-as-watching-grass-grow character Wee Willy Winky another go...

Poor sod, It's gonna go down like a lead balloon..i can just see it now...

The day started off well...nothing happened on the production front but interestingly enough i heard some weird-ass stories from Jack Davenport...the English are really not as prudeish as our American films make them out to be...
The things he's taught me to do with a cucumber are unmentionable, i tell you!

I'll never be able to look at the man in the same way again...

keira
Day Two
Dear Diary-that-isnt-Ichy;

We had a really good night last night! It was just like old times again!
We all went out for a meal as a cast to celebrate being back; even Orlando seemed to raise a smile.
I don't know whats wrong with him lately, he's got a face like a smacked backside!
It was so good to see Johnny again, too. He never seems to age...which is good considering he doesn't use any anti-aging products...or so he tells me...

Kev (You know....Gibbs) was telling the whole table about an interview he was doing in the States for a TV show, and when the interviewer forgot what his name was, Kev decided to stay as silent as the grave for the rest of the Interview...so it wasn't an interview really, it was more like a competition to see who would crack first...
I'm sitting here reading the script for the film...and i have to say that Elizabeth certainly has alot of scenes with Jack in this one...

Good!
He's more entertaining that Will anyway!
....Just don't let Orlando know i said that...i gets very defensive about Will...even though its a losing battle...

Jack Davenport

Day Three

Dear Norrie - And yes i'm aware i've named my Diary after myself...so sue me!

We were filming the Tortuga fight scene today!
It was really exciting...being hit over the head with a bottle a hundred times over...
*Ouch!*....yup, it's deffinately a migrane i'm getting...
...On second thoughts...i think half the time time that Keira was using an actual bottle...
I knew she had it in for me!
Spoke to Johnny on the first day back. We were sat there in the tiny little outdoor canteen just grabbing caviar on toast (as us widely known and established actors do) when we got onto the topic of English Prudism...
It is a matter close to my heart as;
1. I'm English
2. I Am almost certainly not a prude....in the slightest...SailorLeo will tell you that.
Well lets just cut the story short and say that by the end of the conversation it was JOHNNY who came off as the Prude...he hadn't even heard of some of the stuff i had mentioned...
...Ha! ... and he thinks he's a big tough man just because he trashed a couple of Hotel Rooms in his youth...Watch out Johnny, Jack's coming through and he's Mightier than thou!!!!!

...Ah damnit...they've called me back in...apparently the bottle scene wasn't good enough...

Heithans!!!!!

Orlando

Day Four

Dear Nobody... - Because no one seems to listen to me anyway!

Today was ok i guess...nothing spectacular happened...well...i met my dad for the first time, but that's about it...
Oh sorry, i'm supposed to show some emotion there...but i really couldn't give a rats-ass!
Keira and Johnny have got all the good scenes together! They've not filmed any of them yet, but i can tell they're really excited about it....which bites because i'm stuck with the boring time-filler scenes that the writers put in just so they can devide up the Jack and Elizabeth chemistry...
Me? Bitter? Certainly not!...well...maybe just a little bit...
If they give my character something interesting to do...like use a bow and arrow...or maybe if he was Elvish....THAT would be interesting...
...I knew i should have begged them to use my blond wig....I looked so much more attractive with Barbie hair...
But no...he's boring old Will...He does nothing and the only thing that shows his feelings are his vacant expressions...which in my opinion are worthy of an Oscar...
Maybe i should ask Gore for some better action scenes....I mean, Jack has wenches...why can't Will have wenches?...well, he has Elizabeth but at the moment even JACK has her!
I'm going to the makeup room....the women respect me and my even complexion in there....

Kevin McNally

Day Five

Dear SpongeBob

Ive just got back from 'the black pearl'! They've used a bigger boat this time...and it actually has decent toilets on it! ...It doesn't help the sea sickeness though....
Johnny has the wind in his sails about something...maybe its th madness of his character finally coming out of him...or maybe he really is going mad....
In the middle of a scene, Johnny decided he was going to strip off from the waist up (including the wig!) and take a dip in the Ocean...god knows why, but there must be some method to his madness because when he got back he was even crazier than what he was when he started! ... it all helps at the end of the day, though.
I'm going on a bar crawl tonight with Lee and Mckenzie (Pintel and Ragetti)....should be fun considering I can drink them both under the table!
..Just don't tell Keira...since she's been legal to drink she's become the next beer King...Its scaring me to be honest...when a woman can down a bottle of beer quicker than a man, you know theres something wrong with the world....
Its bad luck, if you ask me....

Gore Verbinski

Day Six

Dear Diary - Yes, I'm aware that is a boring name...but I'm a boring kind of guy!

Lots of outtakes today...
Imagine the scene;
Johnny tied to a pole, dangling face down with a fire inches from his face...
Then imagine the cast and crew going for a break and Leaving him there....I swear i think i almost saw real tears come from his eyes...

We got Orlando aswell.
Those hamster cages on the Pelegostos Island weren't really supposed to roll, but we did it anyway...and then we told Orlando we only wanted HIM in the shot, and everyone else needed to get out....and then we told him he just had to run inside the ball and see how long he could keep doing it for....
It took him half an hour before he realised that we weren't laughing WITH him, and that we were laughing AT him....
I think the name 'Hamster Man' has been thrown around the set a few times, now....
Keira is a good sport though....Ted and Terry decided to joke withher, and told her they were writing in a Sex scene for Elizabeth and Jack....she took it extremely well....TOO WELL if you ask me....
...Imagine her surprise when we tell her to flip to the last couple of pages in the script...I don't think 'Glee' is the exact word to call it...but it resembled her jumping up and down with the money signs rolling in her eyes...

Keira
Day Seven

Dear diary-that-isnt-Ichy

A KISS SCENE?!
Between Elizabeth and Jack?!
OMG if that doesnt make the film hit the 1Billion mark in the boxoffice then i don't know what will!!!
I KNEW there was something weird going on when they did all of my scenes with Johnny...
Not that i mind...Orlando is a sweetheart; but lately he's been this moping mess on the set...i don't think he likes the idea of missing out on the action...
I was talking to Johnny yesterday and he said that he thinks its just 'sour grapes' with Orlando...he wants the action scenes and he isn't really getting any this time around...action in both senses of the word!
I don't think Johnny knows about this kissing thing...if he did i think he would take the piss far more than he has been doing...
Only yesterday i was sat in my trailer when he barges through the door with a television and a Playstation box...apparently the electric had gone on his yacht so until it was fixed he was setting up camp in MY trailor!
Thankfully he was only there for two hours...and i beat his ass on 'need for speed'....hes such a sore loser!

Johnny

Day Eight
Dear Ichy

Two hours! For two hours i was stuck on a sofa with stuffed Unicorns and insense candles that smelled like butterscotch!
The bulb had gone in one of the lamps on my yacht, so i tried to fix it...and almost gave myself an electric shock!
WARNING:
NEVER TRY TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB WHEN YOU HAVE NOT TURNED OFF THE ELECTRICITY!
..I was VERY pissed off because i had almost kitted up my favourite car on 'need for speed'...and then because the electricity went off the game went off too!
So i collected my 52" television and my playstation and toddled over to Keira's Trailor.
I would have gone to Orlando, but he can't take it like a man when he loses....so Keira was like my only option.
...So for two traumatic hours i was subjected to the most horrific sights and sounds in the WORLD!

I mean...WHO still listens to the SPICE GIRLS?!
...And since when did Billy Idol come back into fashion?! Her walls are covered in him...which is REALLY weird if you ask me, because the man is older than I am!
Don't get me wrong...I love the girl to bits...but shes one weird child....God knows how Jack D manages to put up with her when she visits him in England...

LOL....Very Funny stuff i love it!!! LOL....LOL...LOL!!!!

lol, those are so funny!!

you truly have a gift!

LMFAO, ROFL, LMFAO AGAIN!!!

TOO FUNNY!

But, I'd imagine Keira being a sort of Michael Buble fan, and EWWW, SPICE GIRLS?!

Yuck, but funny.

Omg i loved the Spice Girls when they were in their PRIME...lol!!

more Jack D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *smiles the cute smile o' death*

God that was so good. I was LMAO.. you are really good at this. BTW I used to like to spice Girls, that was 5 yrs ago. 😄

Jack D

Day nine

Dear Norrie

How the hell do i put up with that girl when she visits me in england?!

She bursts into my trailor this morning, belting out a rendition of 'Oh What A Beautiful Morning!' and expects me to be HAPPY about it?!

She seriously has mental issues!

I was chatting to Kev today whilst shooting my first scene on 'the black pearl'....thats right kiddies! Daddies got himself a new ship to play on!

Anyway...back to the point...Kev looked a little worse for wear...i put it down to the swaying of the boat...but on closer inspection i actually realised that it wasnt the boat that was swaying....but KEV!

He'd been out for a night on the Raz...and unfortunately Lee and Mackenzie had got the better of him....who knew there was a 'stringfellows' in the Caribbean?!

I was about to keep my trap well and truly shut, until Johnny came over in all his Jack-attire...he was doing the walk and everything...which seemed a little too much for poor old kev...seeing Johnny swaggering like that actually made him sick!

Fancy that....Jack Sparrow ACTUALLY made someone sick!
...no one ever threw up when i wore that Ice Cream cone on my head...so i cant have looked that stupid...

Anyway I've got to dash...id say its to get somewhere important...but i really just need to Pee...

LOL...MoRE MoRe mOrE!!

he's goind to the bathroom eh? *raises eyebrow and gives sneaky grin*....yay! ish good, now if you'll excuse me i have a date with destiny....lol

LMAO...ur too funny Sailor!!

Keira;

Day Ten

Dear Diary-that-isnt-Ichy

Whistle while you work...Will Turner is a Twirp...

Ive GOT to stop doing that!
Ah....what the hell...I sang it, but you were ALL thinking it!

Aboard the 'pearl again today...its funny how un-immune i still am to Johnny's hilarious renditions of Shakespear WHILST still in Jack Sparrow mode....He just about Killed me when he started doing Juliet's parts....

Its un-natural how high he can get his voice to go...

We did an interesting scene today...when we did the first take i didnt realise exactly what Elizabeth meant when she said she could 'handle a sword'....but after half an hour of Johnny giving me 'the look' and the not so subtle sexually-related hand signs...well, lets just say i caught on...
Gah i'm loving this new turn of events for my character! I was chatting to the makeup lady about it today...although i dont think she really understood because the more i spoke about it and talked about johnny, the more she seemed to make my face look like a clown's....

AND what a surprise to see that when i got back to my trailor last night that not only johnny was STILL sat there playing 'Smackdown' ....but so was Gore, Jack and Ted too!!!

A woman can just not get her privacy, i tell you!!

I asked them what they were doing and they completely ignored me!...apparently women fall on deaf ears as soon as a piece of mind-stimulating electrical equipment is turned on....

...and they say men are mulit-functional....

the only thing multifunctional about a man is the ability to stand up AND pee!!!