katelovespirate
Senior Member
*my funny version of the reunion with Jack in Davy Jones Locker*
The crew is wandering around in Purgatory, looking for Jack.
Pintel: Marco!
Ragetti: Polo!
Pintel: No you blooming idiot (close up on Orlando, who gives Pintel a dirty look) You aren't suppose to say Polo. Jack is!
Ragetti: I thought Jack was dead.
Pintel: Only mostly dead.
Gore: Cut!!! Wrong movie.
Keira: Can we skip on to MY reunion scene with Jack?
Gore: Just hold your horses Keira. Your oscar will come soon enough.
Go ahead then!
Crew: (various ad libs) Jack Sparrow! Jack! Where are you!?
Meanwhile, Elizabeth wanders off. She sees something in the ground and bends down... it's a trail of spilled rum. She follows the rum trail and runs smack into Jack Sparrow, who is re-braiding his hair.
Liz: Jack! (Keira pulls a remote out of her blouse and signals to a boom box she has hidden behind a rock a few feet away. ROmantic music begins to play.)
Liz: (beginning to tear up) Oh Jack! Thank god I found you. I had to tell you...
Jack: how not sorry you are? (camera does a dramatic, soap opera pan in on Jack's face) Maybe you didn't hear me the first time I called you pirate.
Liz: Oh Jack... I don't deserve the nobel name of pirate (her acting begins to get even more dramatic. Gore looks at the writers and shrugs--- wtf?) what can I do to prove myself to you?
Jack: (Johnny is reading from cue cards in the background, which have just appeared. he looks confused) Well dearie, there is an ancient tradition of pirate initation you can complete, if you are sure you want to be a pirate.
Liz: Anything, tell me! (Keira has subtly undone her pirate shirt, revealing a very scandalous corset underneath. Johnny looks at Gore and shrugs- wtf?)
Jack: (still reading cue cards, clearly getting more confused/annoyed)You have to seduce a Pirate Lord... hold it, hold it. Gore, I dont remember this being in re-writes!!!
Gore: Keira, did you sneak your own re-writes in again?!
Keira: Listen, Im just giving the audience what they want.
Gore: Just pick it up from Will's entrance.
(Keira re-buttons her blouse and pouts. Orlando enters the scene and runs into Elizabeth).
Will: Elizabeth! Jack! She found you!
Jack: If you two don't mind, I was fixing my hair. I can't braid and argue at the same time.
Liz: Will, leave us alone. Jack and I need to talk.
Will: Jack, I know how you two feel about each other. But doesn't THIS mean anything to you!??! (Whips out an elaborate friendship charm bracelet and holds it in front of Jack's face). You promised me we would be best friends forever. Was that all a lie?? (Orlando pulls a remote out of his boot and signals to the boom box HE has hidden under a bush a few feet away. Intense scary music drowns out the romantic music).
Jack: (pulling out the matching friendship charm bracelet he has) Of course this meant something to me!
(Elizabeth pulls out a matching bracelet)
Liz: Will! I thought WE were going to be best friends forever!
Jack: Friends don't let friends kill each other.
Will: Beg your pardon?
Jack: (pulls remote out of his hair, points at boom box that lowers on a rope. Voice says: "Johnny's oscar track 1". Incredibly dramatic, tragic music begins to play. Johnny falls to his knees for the monologue) All I ever wanted in life was true love. I came from a troubled home... and I had to work for a sadistic boss (begins to weep) and then I do everything I can to help you people, and all you do is betray me! I can't take it anymore! (pulls out a large, shakespearian dagger with a crazed look on his face).
Will: Uh, Jack... you're already dead.
Jack: Crap.