What do you think of this story.
I wrote a story and I am working on typing it up. I wanted to get others opinion of it....so here it is..please let me know what you think. This isnt all of chapter one, but I will try to keep this place updated as I type more of it up.
The Untold Tale
Chapter One:
Secrets Revealed
I yawn as I walk through the door to the band room. I glance around to see who all has shown up for their sectionals. I spot five trumpet players. Three are freshmen two are my grade or older. I walk across the band room to the lockers were the band instruments are stored. I open a combination lock to my locker, and pull out my trumpet. I head to the other side of the band room as I adjust my hoodie. I pick up my flip folder and drill book. I put the flip folder on my horn and the drill book over my shoulder. I am just glad sectionals are over and I didn’t have to go to it as I walk up to my friend Ryan Car.
I follow him down to the marching field, talking to him about different things having to do with school. We quickly move to our spots in the attendance block so we don’t get counted tardy. I glance quickly around to see if Doug is here yet, when I spot a person hiding in the shadows. I can tell it is a male but I can’t tell if it is an agent of BlackGhost, the organization that made me a cyborg. The man is following a trumpet player. I watch to see who it is when I realize…. It’s Doug. Ryan asks if I know the man following Doug but I am already on my way to the sideline to set my trumpet down out of the way. I quickly run to Doug just as the figure steps out of the shadows to attack Doug. The second he is in the light I realize he is an agent from BlackGhost.
Two massive angelic wings erupt from the back of my hoodie. They start to flap quickly lifting me into the air; I fly to Doug landing beside him. The agent pulls out a gun, firing it at us narrowly missing us.
“Run Doug.” I yell as I flap my wings sending me shooting straight up into the air. Doug runs out of the way as the agent fires the gun over and over creating a shower of bullets. I manage to avoid the bullets as I fly towards him. The second I am close enough; I fold my wings in quickly sending me towards the ground. I slam my heal into his right shoulder knocking him to the ground; the force of the attack makes him release his grip on the gun.
“Leave now and I wont kill you.” I say to him. He quickly stands up running away with his left hand on his right shoulder where I hit him. I turn around to head back to the field to find the whole band staring at me. With my wings outstretched, I felt exposed. I jump up flapping my wings quickly to force me up into the air. I fly over the throng of band members and land next to my trumpet. I pick it up planning to leave yet another town and another life behind like I have so many times before.
As I prepare to fly away, a warm strong hand grabs my shoulder. I turn to see who it is. It’s Doug and the rest of the band is behind him.
“What just happened?” I sigh folding my wings back into my hoodie, the band director walks up wanting to know as well. He hands the microphone he uses during marching rehearsals to me so everyone can hear her. I tell them about how I was captured by BlackGhost (B.G.), How they forced me into having the wings grafted onto my back, how they tried to force me to fight for them so they can take over the world, and how I escaped from them with the help of nine cyborgs and one professor who I live with.
When I finally finish, I explain how dangerous it is for them to know what I am and how important it is that they never tell anyone about this. The whole band agrees to not tell. I smile when a boy with brown hair asks if I would give anyone a ride. I unfold my wings and fly straight up before diving down picking the boy up without stopping. I fly low around the school a few times before I return to the band. I hover over an open area and fold my wings so we both plummet to the ground. The boy screams and before we hit the ground I unfold and flap my wings stopping our downward momentum suddenly. I gently set him down before landing softly. I refold my wings into my hoodie sealing the holes they had emerged from with strips of velcro I had put on. It is obvious they were put there just for my wings. I spend the rest of band class answering questions about my wings and B.G.
Near the time for the bell to ring, we all head into the band room to put our things up. I pull my back pack on and Doug asks if wearing it hurts my wings. I shake my head saying that my wings are used to being squished. I go through school as if nothing had ever happened. The only hint of what had happened in band was the occasional glance from the band members who still can believe what happened.
After school I turn my cell phone on to check whether or not I am to ride the bus. As I am about to hit call a strong arm wraps around my neck from behind me, pulling me against the person’s chest so I cant use my wings.
“Quit squirming or we will kill the one you love.” The person says angerly.
“You don’t know who I love” I reply.
“Oh really?” The person points to a young man walking down a side walk past he school with his free arm. “That is the boy you love” My eyes widen and I instantly stop struggling.
“Good girl. Now come with me.” He lets go of me and walks off. I follow him noticing he is a BG agent. I spot another agent sneaking up on the boy with a gun in hand.
I force my wings to unfold out of my hoodie and Lift me into the air. I fly to stop the agent, landing between the boy and the agent.
“Leave Matt alone.”
“Why should I” The agent raises the gun aiming it at me.
Suddenly, my eyes glow bright yellow. My hair moves in a sudden strong wind, and my entire body starts to glow brightly. When the glow from my body fades , my glowing yellow eyes lock on the agent. Electricity moves over my body to my right arm. I raise my right are as the strong wind only gets stronger. I aim my open palm at the agent, instantly a large bolt of electricity jumps from my right arm to the agent killing him instantly. I lower my right arm smirking before the glow fades from my eyes. I pass out the instant the glow fades. The last thing I see is one of the nine cyborgs I live with walking up behind Matt, who is holding me. Then I black out…
I wake up slowly. I open my eyes and try to sit up. A strong hand touches my shoulder gently.
“don’t sit up. You are back on the ship in the sick room. Matt is here with me.” I recognize the owner of the voice right away. It’s my friend, Al. I look up into his nearly white eyes as he softly tells me to rest. I try to argue, but I fall into a deep sleep before I can. I feel a warm hand softly hold my hand just before I trift of to another world, a world ruled by dreams.
I dream of B.G capturing Matt ,and killing him because I refuse to obey their commands. I scream as I sit up quickly, eyes wide. I am wide awake now. Matt’s worried eyes look into my own.
“Whats wrong?” He asks. He makes me lay back down as I tell him about the dream. He calms me down telling me it was only a dream. I yawn lightly after a while of him calming me down. He gently strokes my hand as I slowly drift off to sleep again...