Originally posted by Barker
ALRIGHT THIS ONE IS A LITTLE GROSS AND NOT THAT FUNNY, BUT STILL A STORY.SO KYLE AND I ARE GOING CAMPING WITH KYLE'S PARENTS. AND I USE THE WORD "CAMPING" LOOSELY, BECAUSE WITH KYLE'S FOLKS THAT SHIT TRANSLATES INTO A CEMENT PARKING LOT WITH RUNNING WATER AND ELECTRICITY AND ALL THE AMENITIES OF HOME. IT'S CAMPING FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE AFRAID OF THE GREAT OUTDOORS.
SO WE PULL OFF THE HIGHWAY, PAY THE 20 DOLLARS OR WHATEVER TO PARK UNDER THE TARP, AND KYLE'S DAD SETS UP HIS BIG TRAILER AS WELL AS THE LITTLE TRAILER KYLE AND I SLEEP IN. WE LOVE THIS THING. IT'S TINY AND COZY AND HAS TWO BUNKS AND A LITTLE CARD TABLE AND A BUNCH OF SNACKS. EVERYTHING WE NEED.
NOW OF COURSE THERE'S NO PLACE TO SWIM IN THE CONCRETE PARKING LOT SO WHAT THE KIDS ARE FORCED TO DO WHILE LAZY ADULTS WATCH THEIR PORTABLE TV'S AND COMPLAIN ABOUT 'ROUGHING IT' IS SNEAK OUT AT NIGHT, WALK ABOUT A KILOMETER TO THIS OLD LADY'S HOUSE, AND SWIM IN HER POOL.
BECAUSE THIS OLD WOMAN IS SO CLOSE TO THE CAMP SITE, SHE'S GOT AN EXTRA HIGH FENCE TO KEEP OUT THE KIDS. IT'S GOT TO BE ABOUT 12 OR 15 FEET HIGH. SO WHAT THE KIDS WOULD DO IS THROW THEIR TOWELS OVER THE FENCE, CLIMB OVER IT AND JUMP DOWN TO THE OTHER SIDE. IT WAS A BIT OF A FALL BUT AT LEAST YOU COULD SWIM. ALSO I SHOULD MENTION IT WAS ONE OF THOSE GREEN-DIAMOND FENCES THAT ARE BASICALLY WIRE COATED WITH GREEN PLASTIC. AT THE TOP OF THE CROSSBAR THE WIRES ARE CUT SO YOU HAVE ALL THOSE LITTLE POINTY BITS STICKING UP AND THAT'S THE SECOND BIGGEST DANGER OF THE NIGHT. THE BIGGEST DANGER IS, OF COURSE, THE OLD WOMAN WHO OWNS THE HOUSE. RUMOURS ABOUND THROUGHOUT CAMP ABOUT HOW SHE'S JUST THE MEANEST EVILIST CRAZY OLD LADY ALIVE AND SHE'LL SHOOT AT YOU WITH HER B.B. GUN OR PUT SPELLS ON YOU OR MAKE YOU WATCH OPRAH WITH HER OR WHATEVER SCARY STORIES KIDS CAN MAKE UP ABOUT HER.
SO ONE NIGHT KYLE AND SNEAK OUT AND RUN TO THE FENCE. I'D LIKE TO SAY IT WAS A STARRY NIGHT OUT BUT BECAUSE OF ALL THE LIGHT POLLUTION YOU CAN'T TELL. WE GET TO THE FENCE AND THROW OUR TOWELS OVER. I CLIMB UP AND OVER AND JUMP TO THE OTHER SIDE. KYLE FOLLOWS SUIT, ONLY WHEN HE JUMPS DOWN I HEAR THIS TEARING NOISE.
KYLE LANDS ON HIS FEET AND DOESN'T MOVE. HE'S VERY ASHEN-FACED AT THIS POINT AND THERE'S A LARGE TEAR IN HIS BATHING SUIT. A LITTLE RIVULET OF BLOOD IS TRICKLING DOWN HIS LEG.
"JESUS CHRIST KYLE!" I WHISPER FIERCELY. "ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"
KYLE PULLS HIS SWIMMING TRUNKS OPEN A LITTLE BIT AND TAKES A FEARFUL GLANCE DOWN. "DAVE... DAVE..." HE STAMMERS, "I THINK I CUT MY BALLS OPEN!!"
THIS IS NOT WHAT I NEED TO HEAR RIGHT NOW. KYLE STARTS MAKING LITTLE BLUBBING NOISES AND I THINK HE'S CLOSE TO CRYING. I NEED TO KEEP HIM FROM DOING THIS BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO WAKE UP THE CRAZY OLD LADY.
"KYLE" I HISS, "CAN YOU CLIMB BACK OVER THE FENCE?"
KYLE ISN'T EVEN LISTENING TO ME. HE'S STARING DOWN HIS SWIM SUIT AND STARTS SAYING "OH GOD DAVE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHOULD I JUMP IN THE POOL? SHOULD I JUMP IN THE POOL?". HE'S GETTING PROGRESSIVELY LOUDER SO OUT OF DESPERATION I SAY "YES!" IN HOPES THAT HE'LL BE TOO PREOCCUPIED BY SWIMMING TO REMEMBER TO CRY.
KYLE JUMPS INTO A POOL AND IT'S PROBABLY ABOUT A MILLISECOND BEFORE HE HITS THE WATER THAT I REALIZE IT'S PROBABLY VERY HEAVILY CHLORINATED AND IT MIGHT STING A LITTLE BIT. WHICH IT EVIDENTLY DOES. KYLE EMERGES FROM THE WATER SCREAMING LIKE A STUCK PIG. THIS IS ENOUGH FOR ME. I THROW MY TOWEL BACK OVER THE FENCE AND CLIMB BACK OVER TO SAFETY AS AN UPSTAIRS LIGHT IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HOUSE TURNS ON.
ONCE AGAIN I JUST KIND OF LEAVE KYLE FOR DEAD AND QUIETLY CRAWL BACK INTO THE TRAILER AND GO TO BED. LATER THAT NIGHT I'M WOKEN UP BY SCUFFLING NOISES, AND I UNLOCK THE DOOR. KYLE HOBBLES IN AND LIES ON HIS BUNK. I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE HE'S WEARING AN ADULT DIAPER.
"WHAT IN GOD'S NAME HAPPENED TO YOU?" I ASK IN ASTONISHMENT.
KYLE KIND OF LETS A TIRED SIGH ESCAPE FOR HIM AND LOOKS SADLY INTO THE CORNER OF HIS BUNK: "THAT OLD LADY.. SHE PUT IODINE ON MY SACK. IODINE, DAVE." HE LOOKS UP AT ME AND DESPITE THE POOR LIGHTING I CAN SEE THAT HIS EYES ARE VERY RED AND HE APPEARS TO HAVE AGED CONSIDERABLY. KYLE CONTINUES: "AND THEN, BECAUSE MY BATHING SUIT WAS RIPPED, SHE MADE ME WEAR THIS." KYLE POINTS DUTIFULLY AT THE ADULT DIAPER DRAPED AROUND HIS WAIST. "I HAD TO WAIT HOURS BEFORE I HAD ENOUGH CONFIDENCE TO RUN BACK HERE. THANK GOD I DIDN'T RUN INTO ANYONE I KNOW" HE CONCLUDES WITH A BIT OF A SNIFF.
"WELL AT LEAST YOU'RE BACK HERE AND YOU CAN CHANGE" I BEGIN, BUT KYLE IS ALREADY ASLEEP.
THE NEXT MORNING KYLE'S DAD WAKES US UP AT 6AM FOR SOME SORT OF PANCAKE BREAKFAST, ONLY TO FIND HIS SON PRETTY MUCH NAKED EXCEPT FOR THE DIAPER. SINCE KYLE CAN'T TELL HIS DAD HE WAS IN THE POOL, HE TELLS HIS DAD INSTEAD THAT IT WAS A 'DARE', WHICH IS ALMOST JUST AS BAD IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
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😆 Thats a good story. The old lady sounded pretty nice to put iodine his sack and give him one of her spare diapers.
And to answer the thread, I never notice any cuts down there, but a few times some girls have noticed a scab or two while giving it attention, it must have been from schaffing it.
Originally posted by Barker
ALRIGHT THIS ONE IS A LITTLE GROSS AND NOT THAT FUNNY, BUT STILL A STORY.SO KYLE AND I ARE GOING CAMPING WITH KYLE'S PARENTS. AND I USE THE WORD "CAMPING" LOOSELY, BECAUSE WITH KYLE'S FOLKS THAT SHIT TRANSLATES INTO A CEMENT PARKING LOT WITH RUNNING WATER AND ELECTRICITY AND ALL THE AMENITIES OF HOME. IT'S CAMPING FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE AFRAID OF THE GREAT OUTDOORS.
SO WE PULL OFF THE HIGHWAY, PAY THE 20 DOLLARS OR WHATEVER TO PARK UNDER THE TARP, AND KYLE'S DAD SETS UP HIS BIG TRAILER AS WELL AS THE LITTLE TRAILER KYLE AND I SLEEP IN. WE LOVE THIS THING. IT'S TINY AND COZY AND HAS TWO BUNKS AND A LITTLE CARD TABLE AND A BUNCH OF SNACKS. EVERYTHING WE NEED.
NOW OF COURSE THERE'S NO PLACE TO SWIM IN THE CONCRETE PARKING LOT SO WHAT THE KIDS ARE FORCED TO DO WHILE LAZY ADULTS WATCH THEIR PORTABLE TV'S AND COMPLAIN ABOUT 'ROUGHING IT' IS SNEAK OUT AT NIGHT, WALK ABOUT A KILOMETER TO THIS OLD LADY'S HOUSE, AND SWIM IN HER POOL.
BECAUSE THIS OLD WOMAN IS SO CLOSE TO THE CAMP SITE, SHE'S GOT AN EXTRA HIGH FENCE TO KEEP OUT THE KIDS. IT'S GOT TO BE ABOUT 12 OR 15 FEET HIGH. SO WHAT THE KIDS WOULD DO IS THROW THEIR TOWELS OVER THE FENCE, CLIMB OVER IT AND JUMP DOWN TO THE OTHER SIDE. IT WAS A BIT OF A FALL BUT AT LEAST YOU COULD SWIM. ALSO I SHOULD MENTION IT WAS ONE OF THOSE GREEN-DIAMOND FENCES THAT ARE BASICALLY WIRE COATED WITH GREEN PLASTIC. AT THE TOP OF THE CROSSBAR THE WIRES ARE CUT SO YOU HAVE ALL THOSE LITTLE POINTY BITS STICKING UP AND THAT'S THE SECOND BIGGEST DANGER OF THE NIGHT. THE BIGGEST DANGER IS, OF COURSE, THE OLD WOMAN WHO OWNS THE HOUSE. RUMOURS ABOUND THROUGHOUT CAMP ABOUT HOW SHE'S JUST THE MEANEST EVILIST CRAZY OLD LADY ALIVE AND SHE'LL SHOOT AT YOU WITH HER B.B. GUN OR PUT SPELLS ON YOU OR MAKE YOU WATCH OPRAH WITH HER OR WHATEVER SCARY STORIES KIDS CAN MAKE UP ABOUT HER.
SO ONE NIGHT KYLE AND SNEAK OUT AND RUN TO THE FENCE. I'D LIKE TO SAY IT WAS A STARRY NIGHT OUT BUT BECAUSE OF ALL THE LIGHT POLLUTION YOU CAN'T TELL. WE GET TO THE FENCE AND THROW OUR TOWELS OVER. I CLIMB UP AND OVER AND JUMP TO THE OTHER SIDE. KYLE FOLLOWS SUIT, ONLY WHEN HE JUMPS DOWN I HEAR THIS TEARING NOISE.
KYLE LANDS ON HIS FEET AND DOESN'T MOVE. HE'S VERY ASHEN-FACED AT THIS POINT AND THERE'S A LARGE TEAR IN HIS BATHING SUIT. A LITTLE RIVULET OF BLOOD IS TRICKLING DOWN HIS LEG.
"JESUS CHRIST KYLE!" I WHISPER FIERCELY. "ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"
KYLE PULLS HIS SWIMMING TRUNKS OPEN A LITTLE BIT AND TAKES A FEARFUL GLANCE DOWN. "DAVE... DAVE..." HE STAMMERS, "I THINK I CUT MY BALLS OPEN!!"
THIS IS NOT WHAT I NEED TO HEAR RIGHT NOW. KYLE STARTS MAKING LITTLE BLUBBING NOISES AND I THINK HE'S CLOSE TO CRYING. I NEED TO KEEP HIM FROM DOING THIS BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO WAKE UP THE CRAZY OLD LADY.
"KYLE" I HISS, "CAN YOU CLIMB BACK OVER THE FENCE?"
KYLE ISN'T EVEN LISTENING TO ME. HE'S STARING DOWN HIS SWIM SUIT AND STARTS SAYING "OH GOD DAVE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHOULD I JUMP IN THE POOL? SHOULD I JUMP IN THE POOL?". HE'S GETTING PROGRESSIVELY LOUDER SO OUT OF DESPERATION I SAY "YES!" IN HOPES THAT HE'LL BE TOO PREOCCUPIED BY SWIMMING TO REMEMBER TO CRY.
KYLE JUMPS INTO A POOL AND IT'S PROBABLY ABOUT A MILLISECOND BEFORE HE HITS THE WATER THAT I REALIZE IT'S PROBABLY VERY HEAVILY CHLORINATED AND IT MIGHT STING A LITTLE BIT. WHICH IT EVIDENTLY DOES. KYLE EMERGES FROM THE WATER SCREAMING LIKE A STUCK PIG. THIS IS ENOUGH FOR ME. I THROW MY TOWEL BACK OVER THE FENCE AND CLIMB BACK OVER TO SAFETY AS AN UPSTAIRS LIGHT IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HOUSE TURNS ON.
ONCE AGAIN I JUST KIND OF LEAVE KYLE FOR DEAD AND QUIETLY CRAWL BACK INTO THE TRAILER AND GO TO BED. LATER THAT NIGHT I'M WOKEN UP BY SCUFFLING NOISES, AND I UNLOCK THE DOOR. KYLE HOBBLES IN AND LIES ON HIS BUNK. I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE HE'S WEARING AN ADULT DIAPER.
"WHAT IN GOD'S NAME HAPPENED TO YOU?" I ASK IN ASTONISHMENT.
KYLE KIND OF LETS A TIRED SIGH ESCAPE FOR HIM AND LOOKS SADLY INTO THE CORNER OF HIS BUNK: "THAT OLD LADY.. SHE PUT IODINE ON MY SACK. IODINE, DAVE." HE LOOKS UP AT ME AND DESPITE THE POOR LIGHTING I CAN SEE THAT HIS EYES ARE VERY RED AND HE APPEARS TO HAVE AGED CONSIDERABLY. KYLE CONTINUES: "AND THEN, BECAUSE MY BATHING SUIT WAS RIPPED, SHE MADE ME WEAR THIS." KYLE POINTS DUTIFULLY AT THE ADULT DIAPER DRAPED AROUND HIS WAIST. "I HAD TO WAIT HOURS BEFORE I HAD ENOUGH CONFIDENCE TO RUN BACK HERE. THANK GOD I DIDN'T RUN INTO ANYONE I KNOW" HE CONCLUDES WITH A BIT OF A SNIFF.
"WELL AT LEAST YOU'RE BACK HERE AND YOU CAN CHANGE" I BEGIN, BUT KYLE IS ALREADY ASLEEP.
THE NEXT MORNING KYLE'S DAD WAKES US UP AT 6AM FOR SOME SORT OF PANCAKE BREAKFAST, ONLY TO FIND HIS SON PRETTY MUCH NAKED EXCEPT FOR THE DIAPER. SINCE KYLE CAN'T TELL HIS DAD HE WAS IN THE POOL, HE TELLS HIS DAD INSTEAD THAT IT WAS A 'DARE', WHICH IS ALMOST JUST AS BAD IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
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haermm
Originally posted by Mišthaermm
tat scraed me 13
RIGHT SO IT'S KINDERGARTEN AND IT'S SPRING AND EVERYTHING IS THAWING AND MUDDY. AND ALL THE KIDS HAVE THOSE RUBBER BOOTS THAT GO UP TO OUR WAISTS. THE THING TO DO IN THE MORNING BEFORE CLASS STARTS IS TO FIND A BUDDY, GO FIND A NICE SOFT MUDDY SPOT IN THE PLAYGROUND SOMEWHERE, FACE YOUR FRIEND AND START SQUISHING YOUR WAY DOWN IN THE MUD UNTIL IT'S ALMOST UP TO YOUR WAIST.
WE DID THIS BECAUSE IT WAS FUN. SO KYLE AND I ARE FACING EACH OTHER AND BOGGING OUR WAY DOWN IN THIS MUD PUDDLE. WE GET IT ALMOST TO THE POINT WHERE THE MUD WILL START TO SEEP INTO OUR RUBBER BOOTS. I LOOK AT KYLE AND SAY "HEY KYLE, CAN YOU DO THIS?!" AND I TAKE MY FOOT OUT OF THE BOOT, WIGGLE MY LITTLE SOCKED TOES IN THE SPRING AIR FOR A FEW SECONDS, AND PUT MY LEG BACK IN MY BOOT, WHICH IS FIRMLY LODGED IN MUD.
"YES I CAN!!" KYLE SHOUTS BACK AT ME DESPITE ME BEING ONLY A FOOT AWAY FROM HIM. KYLE TAKES HIS FOOT OUT OF HIS BOOT AND IMMEDIATLY FALLS BACKWARDS INTO THE MUD. BECAUSE ONE LEG IS STILL IN THE BOOT HE IS KIND OF PINNED. THE SUCTION FROM THE MUD IS TOO MUCH FOR HIM TO SIT UP, AND HE CAN'T TURN OVER BECAUSE HIS LEG IS STUCK IN THE BOOT.
THE BELL RINGS AND I LEAVE HIM THERE FOR SOME REASON. IT'S MONDAY MORNING SO WE HAVE ASSEMBLY. THE WHOLE SCHOOL SITS IN THE GYM AND WE SING 'OH CANADA'. OUR PRINCIPAL, WHOSE NAME IS HONEST TO GOD 'MRS. HEGGINBOTTOM' SAYS 'GOOD MORNING STUDENTS' AND THEN WE ALL SAY 'GOOD MORNING MRS. HEGGINBOTTOMBOTTOMBOTTOMBOTTOM' BECAUSE NOBODY CAN GET IT IN SYNC AND SOME KIDS SAY IT FASTER THAN OTHERS.
THEN OUR PRINCIPAL IS ABOUT TO GET INTO THE ANNOUNCEMENTS WHEN THE BIG DOUBLE DOORS IN THE BACK OF THE GYM ARE THROWN OPEN AND SMACK AGAINST THE WALLS WITH A GIANT BANG. ENTER MRS. VAIL, SHORT, BUTCHY VICE PRINCIPAL WITH BICEPS LIKE NOTHING YOU'VE EVER SEEN. SHE'S HOLDING KYLE, WHO APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN DRESSED FROM THE LOST AND FOUND. THERE ARE TEARS JUST STREAMING DOWN HIS FACE. WE ALL STARE AT KYLE AND MRS. VAIL LETS HIM GO. HE RUNS TOWARDS ME, SLIPS ON THE GROUND BECAUSE HE'S IN SOCKS FOR SOME REASON, PICKS HIMSELF UP, AND SITS DOWN NEXT TO ME. TOTALLY INCONSOLABLE FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. WHEN WE GET HOME HE FINALLY OPENS UP TO ME AND TELLS ME THAT MRS. VAIL PICKED HIM UP OUT OF THE MUD LIKE A DYING SOLDIER AND WASTED NO TIME IN STRIPPING HIM NAKED AND DRESSING HIM UP IN SHORT-SHORTS AND A STRAWBERRY-SHORTCAKE TSHIRT EVEN THOUGH THERE WAS A NINJA TURTLE TSHIRT RIGHT THERE.
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