As sexy as shirtless Jack sounds to me, wouldn't it have been a little conspicuous for him to suddenly have his shirt off with the heart wrapped up in it?
Jack: Hey! What'd I miss?
Will/Norrington/Liz/Pintel/Ragetti: There's all these monsters from Davy Jones' crew and they were fighting us and we had swords and....what's in that?
Jack: This? Oh, I just felt really sweaty.
Will: Then why do you have it bundled up?
Jack: It's the most practical way to carry a sweaty shirt.
Liz: The rest of us are sweaty and we didn't take our shirts off.
Jack: Maybe you should.
(everyone shrugs and takes off their shirts. Norrington starts undoing his pants)
Will: What are you doing?
Norrington: I was, well, we... (looks at Liz. She shakes her head at him) Never mind.
The POTC nudity continues
Norrington: Hey! I thought we were all cooling down a little! Elizabeth is topless for goodness sake!
(A black censor line appears across her chest)
Elizabeth: Sh! The crew of the Flying Dutchman! They're coming back!
Will: To arms!
(Everyone gets their swords. Liz slams Pintel and Ragetti's heads together and takes both the swords for herself.)
Will: (a very chisled chest) Let's show them how scary shirtless pirates can be!
(Jack, meanwhile, is busy trying to get his sword out while hanging on to his bundled up shirt)
Norrington: Just drop it to the ground!
Jack: No!
Norrington: Why not?
Jack: It's imported.
(Jack runs forward and doesn't realize he's dropped his shirt. Norrington peeks inside)
Norrington: Dear God...
Will: James! Show them the nipples!
Elizabeth: We need help!
Norrington: Coming! (runs with his chest outward exposing his nipples)
(Crew of the Dutchman runs away)
Jack: Now that that's over... (sees his shirt is gone) Which one of you perverts took it?
Will: Not me.
Jack: I believe that. (to Elizabeth) It was you, wasn't it?
Elizabeth: Do I look like I have any pockets to store it?
(All look at James)
Jack: The evidence just keeps piling up, doesn't it?
Norrington: I could say the same to you. I'm gonna say peace out now...(stretches arms) gotta be hittin' the dusty trail. PS: if the next time you see me, I'm filthy rich and helping take over the world, it shouldn't be hard for you to figure out why. (leaves)
Elizabeth: What's he mean by that? (Jack and Will see she's topless)
Will: Have you been like that the whole time?
Elizabeth: Yeah.
Jack: With the whole world to see you?
Elizabeth: Yeah.
(Will and Jack shrug. Will and Liz put their shirts back on. Jack makes a face)
Elizabeth: What's wrong?
Jack: I just miss my shirt.
Originally posted by willofthewisp
As sexy as shirtless Jack sounds to me, wouldn't it have been a little conspicuous for him to suddenly have his shirt off with the heart wrapped up in it?Jack: Hey! What'd I miss?
Will/Norrington/Liz/Pintel/Ragetti: There's all these monsters from Davy Jones' crew and they were fighting us and we had swords and....what's in that?
Jack: This? Oh, I just felt really sweaty.
Will: Then why do you have it bundled up?
Jack: It's the most practical way to carry a sweaty shirt.
Liz: The rest of us are sweaty and we didn't take our shirts off.
Jack: Maybe you should.
(everyone shrugs and takes off their shirts. Norrington starts undoing his pants)
Will: What are you doing?
Norrington: I was, well, we... (looks at Liz. She shakes her head at him) Never mind.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh that was the best thing I"ve read in months.
Hats off to you willo.
Thanks. My legs are cramping really bad, so I need to sit down and I'm in a funny mood, so this kills two birds with one stone.
(Back on the ship. Will had decided to pass out. He is shirtless in spite of the fact he already took his shirt off)
Will: (to Elizabeth) What-- what happened?
Elizabeth: You said, "oh the heat" and down you went like a sack of meat.
Will: Where's my shirt?
Elizabeth: I took it off you. I wanted some eye candy.
Will: Where's the heart?
Elizabeth: Norrington took it, along with Jack's shirt. Not that I'm complaining, but it does present a problem for all of us in the long run.
(Flying Dutchman pulls up next to them)
Davy: Ahoy!
Jack: Sh*t. (to them) I'll handle this. Hey! Care to see a show?
Davy: Show?
Jack: Shirtless Jack. One time offer (begins to dance ala Austin Powers) (singing) When I think about you I touch myself...
Davy: Enough! I've come to claim my heart, you shirtless fool.
Jack: Hey! Hey! Hey! It's not my fault I'm shirtless.
Ooh, Jack's made Davy mad. How can this situation get any worse?
Jack: Hard to starboard.
(Will and Liz repeat the order. No one is doing anything)
Will: Move! Why's everyone standing around?
Gibbs: I'm not! (turns ship hard to starboard) And put on some clothes.
Will: We don't have them anymore.
Liz: They're still on the island.
Gibbs: Okay then. (takes his off)
(Jack approaches to take control of the helm)
Jack: Nice tattoo.
Gibbs: Thanks. It says "Mom."
Jack: I know.
(Will can't believe the Pearl is outrunning the Dutchman)
Will: It's so freakin' fast.
Liz: Much like this scene. I don't even know what's going on. (Gibbs comes around to hug her) Whow! Definitely felt that.
(On the Dutchman)
Monster: Are we giving up?
Davy: (smiles) Those shirtless idiots will wished they had their shirts....soaked with blood!
Monster: Huh?
Davy: Never mind.
(On the Pearl)
(Will approaches Jack)
Will: We've intimidated him with the muscles in our pectoral group. Now's the time to fight.
Jack: Why fight when you can flaunt? (trips and falls down the stairs. Feels his chest. It has a slight bruise)
Jack: Oh no! A bruise!
(the rest of the crew is at the edge of the deck looking down)
Will: Get away from there?
Liz: Look, if you wanted to touch my boobs you could have just asked.
Will: No, the kraken's down there!
Liz: He must be attracted to nipples!
(Jack overhears this and makes a break for it)
The way I see it, the kraken attack would be pretty much the same since it doesn't matter if you're wearing a shirt or not if your life is on the line. In other words, Jack came back to help them and there is an eerie calm...not to mention bodies scattered everywhere.
Shirtless Marty: Did we kill it?
Gibbs: No, I just blinded it with my beer gut. We're not out of this yet. Captain! Orders!
Jack: Abandon ship. Into the longboat.
Gibbs: Why?
Jack: I'm going to give Tia Dalma a show. I hope you're prepared to get a piercing or two.
Gibbs: Jack! The Pearl.
Jack: She doesn't have a chest, mate.
Liz: He's right. We have to get to land. (they look at her strangely) What? Don't question me. I'm not up to anything.
Will: We can escape as it comes back to take down the Pearl. Oh, I never showed anyone my beatings from the Dutchman. (turns so we can see his bloodied, but sculpted back) Want to hear a story?
Pintel and Ragetti: That's an awful lot of water.
Gibbs: (also ignoring Will) Abandon ship or abandon hope.
(Liz lingers. She starts flopping one of her boobs around)
Liz: (to herself) Okay, I'll jiggle it once and if it flops to the right, I go ahead with it. If it flops to the left, I stay a good girl. (We don't see the result) Thank you, Jack.
Jack: Unless you have a new imported shirt for me, then I can't accept that thank you.
Liz: But you came back! I knew you were a good man. (they kiss)
(Will sees it)
Gibbs: Come on, Will, snap to! Quit ogling me.
Will: I wasn't, I was...strange tan lines....
(Liz pushes shirtless Jack to the mast and chains him)
Liz: This is the only way. The rest of us can get away with only a few eyes staring at us. But you're Jack Sparrow. People will come eye your chest from miles around and one of them will turn us all in. So this is the only way. I'm not sorry.
Jack: What? Not sorry. I'm going to make you sooooo sorry. You just wait.
Liz: What?
Jack: You think you feel bad now? (smiles) I'm going to have so much fun with you.
Liz: Goodbye.
Jack: Pirate.
(Liz gets into the boat with all the shirtless crew)
Will: Where's Jack?
Liz: He stayed behind.
Gibbs: Stayed to model his body for the beast, eh? Good ol' Jack.
Can't do Jack dying shirtless. Let's skip ahead.
CUT TO...Beckett's office. Beckett is fully clothed.
(Shirtless Norrington comes in)
Beckett: It's not my birthday.
Norrington: I'm here for something else. (hands him the letters of mark) I already filled out my name.
Beckett: You'd better have something I want then. (eyes him)
Norrington: Oh, I do (lays heart in Jack's shirt on his desk) The heart of Davy Jones. Ignore the flies.
Beckett: This is Jack Sparrow's shirt.
Norrington: How do you know that?
Beckett: Why do you have it?
(They eye each other suspiciously)
Norrington: (Decides to lie) It isn't Jack Sparrow's shirt. It's mine!
Beckett: Nonsense. (takes off his shirt) I'll prove it to you. Jack Sparrow is about (gestures) this much taller than me. You're (gestures) this much taller than me. Now if I put it on, we'll just see who it seems to fit better.
(Mercer comes in with Swann)
Mercer: Did I miss something?
Swann: Just two shirtless men about. What smells in here?
Last scene!
(Tia is topless and offering drinks. She goes to Liz first)
Tia: Drink?
Liz: Shirtless women offering me drinks brings up too many repressed memories.
(Tia tries Will)
Tia: I know you're thinking that with the Pearl, you could save your father.
Will: Well, that WAS what I was thinking about until you waved these red flags in front of me. But it's no use. The Pearl is gone, along with it's captain.
Gibbs: Aye. What a chest he had! And what chests we all have! To Jack!
(everyone raises their glasses. Liz looks miserable)
Will: Hey, it's okay. I'd go with you to go bring him back if such a thing were possible.
Tia: Such a thing is possible.
Will: Damn it.
Tia: Come closer, shirtless crew, especially Will. If you're going to brave the weird and haunted shores at world's end, you will need a captain who knows those waters.
(Barbossa comes down the stairs)
Barbossa: Why's everyone shirtless?
FIN