The train.

Hi, this is a story i am writing. Each post will be a new chapter. Here is a little back story:

He sat, watching as the trees flew past. It had been 4 years since the Marshal Train had been unveiled, and the hype still hadn't died down. Pretty soon they would be over the Atlantic, splashing through the waves, like a torpedo, heading toward America.
The train had been built on the Xero Engine, a device normally reserved for the InterSteller space colonization project. However, the government soon realized that they could make masses of money off this creation (as it is with all things), and hired Rick Marshal to create a trans-Atlantic train. It had been a massive success.
The man had only been lucky enough to travel on the train because his employers, the Kashi Cooperation, had decided to send him to America as a sort of ambassador. There was a light splash and then a quite as they rode onto the ocean. The quite seemed like silence after the noise of the rails. Some people gasped, other yelled in fear, but most just gazed in wonder at the sights they were seeing. The man was one of these few. He had never seen the ocean, few had after the wipeout. The wipeout was a devastating disease that had hit Britain around 7 years ago, and it wiped out around 45% of the populace. Some people blamed pollution, others blamed it on the government, but only a handful knew where the disease really came from. It is on this train, on this day, of this year, that our story begins.

Does that make you want to read more?

First, allow me to apologise for some of the spelling mistakes i made in the previous chapter. Were i said 'quite', i meant to put 'quiet'. Thank you.

The man was called Joseph Fenton. He got up and walked down the aisle past the gasping passengers towards the toilets. He was amazed at how still the ride was, there were no bumps or jolts, just the gentle sound of waves hitting the side of the train. He wasn't exactly sure how the Xero Engine worked, you had to have a very big forehead to get even a slight grasp of the machine, but he was sure that it had something to do with giant rolling bubbles. He took is seat again. They were about 30 minutes into their journey, and the total London-America time was about 1 hour and 15 minutes.
Fenton wanted to sleep, but he couldn't, he just wanted to watch. He felt slightly sick, his eyes sending him to contrasting pieces of information: The train, and the ocean.
He sat, gazing out of the window in stunned silence until he eventually drifted off to sleep. They reached the US with a thump as the train reconnected with the track. Fenton woke with the jolt, and realised that they had about 5 minutes left of the journey. He got up and went to collect his baggage, shocked that he had managed to fall asleep at all. His bag was there, and he grabbed it and made for the exit. However, as he turned, he saw something out of the corner of his eye. He stopped, and swiveled round. Yes, there it was, a scarecrow. He was a little bemused that someone had deemed it necessary to bring a scarecrow to New York via the Marshal Train.
He got off, shaking his head and smiling, in search of a cafe. The entire journey had been surreal, and he wanted a good cup of tea inside him to calm him down again.

Fenton walked around New York, looking for somewhere to eat. He had already checked into his 4 star hotel, and was very impressed. The hall was huge, and your every footstep was echoed and amplified to twice it's normal volume. His room was nice, double bed, hot tub, balcony overlooking the city, everything you would expect from a 4 star hotel.
As he walked around, it hit him how staggeringly large everything was in the Big Apple. The buildings, the cars, even the people were large. He eventually found a little cafe called 'the Stuffed Man', with a scarecrow next to the writing. Fenton walked in, purely because of the incident on the Marshal Train, and was pleased to find that the food, although greasy, was delicious, and he returned to his hotel room satisfied.
The next day, he was scheduled to visit a very rich man with lots of Roles Royces to talk business. He met him in an office at around 11:00 after another delicious meal at the Stuffed Man. He pitched the company, and he thought it went well, and after a severe grilling, the man, who's name he couldn't even remember, agreed to give Kashi co lots of money. Another job well done. He was starving by the end of it all, and looking at his watch, he realised that it was a quarter past 3! He had been in that room for 4 hours! He was on his way out to visit the Stuffed Man (which was fast becoming his favorite eating house ever) when he saw a man carrying something. The man wasn't unusual, he was about 5' 9", mid 40s, medium length dark hair, but what he was carrying made Fenton stop in his tracks.
Another scarecrow. He chuckled, and walked out of the building, and off to his new cafe.

no one is posting! i know you are looking, because it has 22 views, but i want feedback!

I would just like to add, I don't really know what I'm talking about and these are merely suggestions...

Consider starting story with

Originally posted by LifeInSepia
He had never seen the ocean, few had after the wipeout.

The wipeout was a devastating disease that had hit Britain around 7 years ago, and it wiped out around 45% of the populace. Some people blamed pollution, others blamed it on the government, but only a handful knew where the disease really came from.

It's ok to repeat this bit in your story ^^then end your chapter with ..

''It is on this train, on this day, of this year, that our story begins.

Originally posted by LifeInSepia
The man was called Joseph Fenton. He got up and walked down the aisle past the gasping passengers towards the toilets. He was amazed at how still the ride was, there were no bumps or jolts, just the gentle sound of waves hitting the side of the train. He wasn't exactly sure how the Xero Engine worked, you had to have a very big forehead

..... ok ... 🤨...

to get even a slight grasp of the machine, but he was sure that it had something to do with giant rolling bubbles. He took is seat again. They were about 30 minutes into their journey, and the total London-America time was about 1 hour and 15 minutes.
Fenton wanted to sleep, but he couldn't, he just wanted to watch. He felt slightly sick, his eyes sending him to contrasting pieces of information: The train, and the ocean.
He sat, gazing out of the window in stunned silence until he eventually drifted off to sleep. They reached the US with a thump as the train reconnected with the track. Fenton woke with the jolt, and realised that they had about 5 minutes left of the journey. He got up and went to collect his baggage, shocked that he had managed to fall asleep at all. His bag was there, and he grabbed it and made for the exit. However, as he turned, he saw something out of the corner of his eye. He stopped, and swiveled round. Yes, there it was, a scarecrow. He was a little bemused that someone had deemed it necessary to bring a scarecrow to New York via the Marshal Train.
He got off, shaking his head and smiling, in search of a cafe. The entire journey had been surreal, and he wanted a good cup of tea inside him to calm him down again.

Paragraphs please🙂

QUOTE=8486860]Originally posted by LifeInSepia
Fenton walked around New York, looking for somewhere to eat. He had already checked into his 4 star hotel, and was very impressed. The hall was huge, and your every footstep was echoed and amplified to twice it's normal volume. His room was nice, double bed, hot tub, balcony overlooking the city, everything you would expect from a 4 star hotel.
As he walked around, it hit him how staggeringly large everything was in the Big Apple. The buildings, the cars, even the people were large. He eventually found a little cafe called It's no biggy but, capital letters'the Stuffed Man', with a scarecrow next to the writing. Fenton walked in, purely because of the incident on the Marshal Train, and was pleased to find that the food, although greasy, was delicious, and he returned to his hotel room satisfied.
The next day, he was scheduled to visit a very rich man with lots of Roles Royces to talk business. He met him in an office at around 11:00 after another delicious meal at the Stuffed Man. He pitched the company, and he thought it went well, and after a severe grilling, the man, who's name he couldn't even remember, agreed to give Kashi co lots of money. Another job well done. He was starving by the end of it all, and looking at his watch, he realised that it was a quarter past 3! He had been in that room for 4 hours! He was on his way out to visit the Stuffed Man (which was fast becoming his favorite eating house ever) when he saw a man carrying something. The man wasn't unusual, he was about 5' 9", mid 40s, medium length dark hair, but what he was carrying made Fenton stop in his tracks.
Another scarecrow. He chuckled, and walked out of the building, and off to his new cafe.

Paragraphs again , caps.. and, so far so good....

starting to wonder what the Scarecrows about... Nice one...

[would just like to point out you dont have to pay any attention to anything iv written ... and if any one disagress with what iv said .shrug..oh and as for spelling mistakes...shrug ]

Originally posted by Uneeklyconfused
I would just like to add, I don't really know what I'm talking about and these are merely suggestions...

Consider starting story with

Originally posted by LifeInSepia
[B]The man was called Joseph Fenton. He got up and walked down the aisle past the gasping passengers towards the toilets. He was amazed at how still the ride was, there were no bumps or jolts, just the gentle sound of waves hitting the side of the train. He wasn't exactly sure how the Xero Engine worked, you had to have a very big forehead

..... ok ... 🤨...

Paragraphs please🙂

Paragraphs again , caps.. and, so far so good....

starting to wonder what the Scarecrows about... Nice one...

[would just like to point out you dont have to pay any attention to anything iv written ... and if any one disagress with what iv said .shrug..oh and as for spelling mistakes...shrug ] [/B]

thanks for the advice. KMC wont let me double space though, so i cant do paragraphs. nice suggestion about the opening though 😉

and the foreheads thing is an english thing: people with massive forheads are very clever.

Originally posted by LifeInSepia
.and the foreheads thing is an english thing: people with massive forheads are very clever.

Oh right... 😕

''keep up the good work '' 😛

The next day, Fenton awoke with a headache. He couldn't remember a lot of last night, but he was sure that it had something to do with a lot of alcohol, and several beautiful women.
Here is what actually happened.]

Fenton decided he would have something he had never eaten before. He looked down the menu, and found a horse burger. No. He looked on, and quickly finding a mushroom and turkey soup, which he ordered. Just like everything else, it was delicious, and he was very satisfied when he payed. By now it was almost 4 o'clock, and Fenton had nothing to do. He did some window shopping, and bought some souvenirs, and managed ti eat up some hours.
At around 6, he went for supper at the hotel, then decided to check out the night life. He found a bar, and ordered a beer. They gave it to him in a funny glass, more like a mug then a pint glass. He drank it. It didn't taste like English beer, but it was nice enough. A man stuck up a conversation with him, and they chated away happily for some time, Fenton's speech becoming more and slurred. Eventually, the man said
"Hey buddy, you wanna get some action? I know a little place were the chicks hang out."
Fenton payed his bill, and followed the man, only thinking to ask his name as they left the bar.

TBC