A Tribute ... To Bond's Useless Allies

Hello all,

This is my first new thread of 2007, btw (and, indeed, my first new thread - I think - in over a year), so please go easy on me 😛 .

As we all know, despite James Bond being, essentially, a lone wolf, he does, on occasion, get help from someone else who is involved in the case that he is working on. Sadly, though, for every great, invaluable ally, there is a pathetic, useless one waiting in the wings that either tells Bond practically nothing of use, or who places his mission (and sometimes even his life) in danger.

And yet ... as with so many of the 'bad' elements from the James Bond series ("Die Another Day" being a notable exception), even the more embarrassing allies still have a certain quirky charm to them. And so this thread is a tribute to these worthless partners, who have left their mark on the Bond series in their own unique way.

Over 007's 40+ year cinematic history, there have been too many of these 'invaluable assets' to mention. For every Felix Leiter or Leonid Pushkin (Bond's KGB ally in "The Living Daylights", played by the effortlessly cool John Rhys-Davies), there has been a JW Pepper (the racist, redneck sheriff from "Live And Let Die", who was so 'popular' with Bond fans that they brought him back for the next film, "The Man With The Golden Gun"😉 or a Luigi Ferrara (Bond's Greek contact from "For Your Eyes Only", who gets killed about 5 minutes after we first meet him; Bond, quite understandably, doesn't even look upset when he finds his body!).

But ... the title of the 'undisputed most useless ally that Bond has ever had' must go to Monsieur Achilles Aubergine, Bond's French contact from "A View To A Kill". Even from the outset, you can tell that, with a name like "Monsieur Aubergine", he's probably not going to be anything other than a bumbling fool. But wait – there's more …

In the film, James goes to meet Monsieur Aubergine at a restaurant on the top floor of the Eiffel Tower to ask him about Max Zorin, the film's villain. Despite apparently being a top French agent, kindly old Monsieur Aubergine knows almost nothing about Zorin's scheme, and seems to be more engrossed in his lunch than in the case during his meeting with 007. He is also possibly Bond's most short-lived ally; after talking for about a minute, Monsieur Aubergine is suddenly killed, embarrassingly, by a fake flying butterfly concealing piercing hooks, which are impaled into his neck using a fishing rod (no, really). What seals his legendary status, however, are his last words, as he rather arrogantly boasts about three seconds before he dies that "The key to zis mystery is there [at Zorin's stud farm]. And I, Achille Aubergine, intend to find it!" And though you might think that nothing could possibly make him more of a joke, as one final humiliation, his face dives straight into his food just after he is killed …

Have I missed out any more of Bond's most useless allies? Views appreciated 🙂 ...

Whilst we are on A View to a Kill... whilst he was of some use, Sir Godfrey Tibbett deserved more. If you are going to bring one of the Avengers in, give them a bit more credit.

I agree, Ush; they really should have done more with Patrick Macnee's character in "AVTOK". And, as Bond himself says during the movie (to Zorin), "killing Tibbett was a mistake"; I feel that he would have made a great ally for 007 in future outings.