Gentleman's Dilemma i.e. Hoe's Dilemma
I wrote this and posted it as a note on Facebook. Just curious to see the comments of some other people.
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“Sex is like taking a shower. You can wipe every crevice of your body real good with a bath towel and I guarantee you will still be wet SOMEWHERE - your pores will be open. After waiting a while, you will be completely dry.
Sex is the same way. You can’t just stop when you find “the right one.” You got to be willing to control yourself beforehand; otherwise, it’s going to be much, much harder to stop.
- Me talking to a friend
Some of you may remember the first entry of “Gentleman’s Dilemma” written way back on November 14, 2006 (Just missed the 6 month anniversary; oh well). It’s still in my notes so feel free to skim through that again or for the first time. In that tidbit, I never really had a focus. I had so much on my mind that I skimmed a bunch of subjects. They were all relevant but it was a jumbled note that did not have a real central point. This note will focus on “the hoe” - male and female.
The definition we will use for hoe today will be as follows: a person who has sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis.
People talk about hoes as if they just suddenly popped up. Hoes have been in existence from, at the very least, the beginnings of written history. And trust, I know my written history. Chit is a English major who is familiar with literature in each corner of the globe. Even Shakespeare was writing plays about transsexuals and random sexual exposes with men (I only use Shakespeare cause people act like they don‘t know anyone else). People have been getting STDs for at least the last couple millennia. Greek men believed that they could only have a “real” friendship with young boys because they wanted nothing from them (so basically they had no reason to betray them) and they consummated this friendship by having sex. So it is important to throw that myth ("hoes just came out of nowhere!"😉 out the window.
Marriage is supposedly not held in the same high esteem as it used to be, although history shows kings have many, many wives and actually just chopped their heads off for not having boys so the next heir could be chosen *cough* Henry *cough*. Women COULD NOT file for divorce, and men didn’t have to bother because damn near everyone had a mistress and it was just this understood thing. Divorce rates are high my ass. Previous generations have been pretty damn dysfunctional - let’s be honest about that. This isn't some new shit. This isn't how it should be, but as of now that is how it is.
The next plot to point on the bullshit graph is this question: “Why do we become hoes?”
Honestly, to cover each of the reasons I know of in full detail would require more writing than I am willing to do without pay (the “How” is even more detailed but discuss that amongst each other), and more than you are willing to read while on Facebook so let’s do each other a favor and again choose a singular, but primary, reason for hoeing: “they do it, so I do it.”
Women ask, “Where are all the good men?”
Men ask, “Where are the good wholesome women?”
Truth be told, both exist. The problems lies in the fact that you have to make it through all the hoes in between while also not turning into a hoe yourself out of bitterness. I made that mistake my damn self. I will be the first to vouch for the fact that it is difficult to believe that any monogamous men or women even exist. Even extremely timid people know of the swingers, the burners, the Down Low brothers (another subject altogether; no black man can admit being gay it seems, not that I blame him with the chastising black community) - there’s not a lot of evidence to say otherwise; however, the basis for one’s actions should not lie in generalizations.
Just because one woman is a hoe (“did you dirty” and all that there) does not mean all women are hoes. For example, my friend Joe over her keep saying all women are hoes but check this out:
“Yo Joe!”
“What’s up man?”
“Is your momma a hoe?”
“Yeah!”
“That’s not my point…”
Even if every person you have met, of interest, is a hoe thus far it says nothing about the whole gender. I have met plenty of idiots while in school, but also come across some intelligent, mannerable people on the random in malls, restaurants, classes, libraries, on the damn street. Generalizing the entire gender because of the hoes you come across is no different than your classic forms of racism.
Proceeding with caution - that I can understand, but just saying “All bitches ain’t shit!” is no different from saying “Niggers (insert negative connotation)!”. Of course this goes for the women also. That dude that hurt you has nothing to do with the next man who approaches you. If he on the shit then throw the duces and proceed on your way. If he seems different and you see he ain’t different that the rest then that’s all there is to it: He is no different from the rest. He! He! He! Not them! Not “all niggas ain’t shit!” That dude ain’t got shit to do with me.
What you are talking about is a probability factor - most people do things based on incentive. Most people are on the shit. So on and so on. But you can not generalize a race, gender, age group, and so on based on the actions of their representatives (even if they majority are acting stupid) and say ALL OF THEM are like “x (the variable).” So it may be very probable that most men and women are not monogamous, BUT one can not make a claim that no man or woman is monogamous without being incredibly bias.
As I said earlier, the reasons are numerous and I can not cover them all, but let’s start wrapping up final points - first for the ladies (“Bad *****”) then for men (“Be A Man”).
Bad *****:
I think that a lot of people may misunderstand what is being said when one says “Respect self and other shall respect you.” When I saw women in the club singing “I’m a Bad *****!” for the first time, I had one of those out of body experiences… It was like being white and seeing black people call each other nigga: “Why the **** are they calling each other that?”
Understand, I do not just mean this in the jargon that women use to address one another. Also the attire, the way they carry themselves, and all that jazz (unless you want another eight paragraphs, I can only paraphrase but this is where I must respect you as a reader.) It is all twisted and this is over the spin that has been put on feminism over the last decade.
I must repeat this again - “Respect self and other shall respect you.” You can not go out, conduct yourself in certain manners, and expect respect from everyone. You can not go in places where it is considered permissible to just grab someone’s ass and expect to find a “good man.” Again, probability says, “It is highly unlikely, but it could happen.” Be you. Do you. At the end at the day, no matter the result, you are the only person you have to answer to. Will you be able to look at yourself later, without shame, as you do what you do today?
The present will always foreshadow the future.
Be A Man:
The sub-topic is self-exemplary but let’s go through this quickly anyway.
Same as with the women: Be you. Do you. The only man you should feel like you have to answer to is self. Not ya boys. Not some folk you don’t even know. Don’t let no man check you into trying to stay cool or be with em all that bull. Your beliefs do not even coincide with your actions. But as I said in another note:
“A man can never do as he believes because he is surrounded by those who believe as he does, but who do not follow their own creed by example. All talk.”
But do not compare your actions to the contradictory fellow. Do not sell yourself short. Compare yourself to the man you want to become, the men who have inspired you in life.
Since so many people are hoeing, there is no pride in getting this girl and that girl. There is no accomplishment or great feat in doing what most men are doing.
I repeat, the present will always foreshadow the future.
I am not far removed from the hoe stage. It ain’t easy. Just try to be aware of why you do what you do. All I ask.
You should at least ask that much of yourself.
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Thoughts?