Can ya get my drift?

Ok, i've been hesitant but here goes nothing. Feel free to comment im perfectly fine with criticism. This First one is called

"Living Shadow"

Poke holes in me its exactly what i need
I'm anxiously awaiting to see how much i bleed
To see if what i give is exactly what i get
So here take my blood consider it a bet

Let me cling unto your promise, call you by your bluff
Because my heart is growing weary and my facade's no longer tough
You may not believe it , but im living a nightmare
Your actions, your words arouse my fear
Maybe its best you leave me alone
Because secretly, youve killed me all on your own

But i wont tell, i'll live lovely in this hell
I'll keep pretending that i live in this shell
i'll tell you i love you to my own dismay
So go ahead my love, and poke away

Nice, I like it. Im just not sure about the start of the second verse. The first couple of lines seem to be a bit too long for the rest of it, but overall, I like it.
Very strong emotions and a nice technique. Good job! 🙂

Thanx, this one has no name so if you have one lemme know

Emptiness, have you ever experienced it?
It consumes you in its bottemless pit
It puts void where joy once lived
It undoes everything that you once did

The ultimate barrier from emotional stress
But even with it you still cant rest
"But it protects me from the pain" you say
But it keeps my trust and love at bay

"But i've been hurt and i've been tried
the emptiness awoke and the livelihood died
so i'll keep the emptiness and you keep your pain
And i'll break those bonds and emotional chains"

But you'll never love, you'll never live
It isnt worth the chance i bid
He shrugs and to my knees i fall
I rather feel woe than nothing at all

Originally posted by Kenshinswife
Thanx, this one has no name so if you have one lemme know

Emptiness, have you ever experienced it?
It consumes you in its bottemless pit
It puts void where joy once lived
It undoes everything that you once did

The ultimate barrier from emotional stress
But even with it you still cant rest
"But it protects me from the pain" you say
But it keeps my trust and love at bay

"But i've been hurt and i've been tried
the emptiness awoke and the livelihood died
so i'll keep the emptiness and you keep your pain
And i'll break those bonds and emotional chains"

But you'll never love, you'll never live
It isnt worth the chance i bid
He shrugs and to my knees i fall
I rather feel woe than nothing at all

Very nice! 🙂

Empty. that's my title idea for the second one, if you like it.

amazing poems! love them. your rhyming is exquisite.

Originally posted by Kenshinswife
Ok, i've been hesitant but here goes nothing. Feel free to comment im perfectly fine with criticism. This First one is called

"Living Shadow"

Poke holes in me its exactly what i need
I'm anxiously awaiting to see how much i bleed
To see if what i give is exactly what i get
So here take my blood consider it a bet

Let me cling unto your promise, call you by your bluff
Because my heart is growing weary and my facade's no longer tough
You may not believe it , but im living a nightmare
Your actions, your words arouse my fear
Maybe its best you leave me alone
Because secretly, youve killed me all on your own

But i wont tell, i'll live lovely in this hell
I'll keep pretending that i live in this shell
i'll tell you i love you to my own dismay
So go ahead my love, and poke away

I rarely do this, and you are not inclined by any means to accept it. But the poem was moving, so I figured I could help you out in your stanzas. Again by no means are you required to accept this. I just thought I would give you me interpretation. Here it goes:

Poke holes in me, the last thing I need,
Anxiously waiting to see the rest of me bleed.
Awaiting to see what it is I will get.
So I give you my blood accepting your bet.

Clinging to your promise, I take your bluff.
For my heart grows weary and I've had enough.
You see I am a nightmare incarnate.
Against your wild protest and words of despondence.
But alas I pray that you let me be.
I've become now the thing that you see.

But I'll stay quite, not a word I will tell.
I will continue to live in this here hell.
In this emotionless body, in my empty shell.
Even though I tell you my love in vain,
I let you go my love, poke away.

omg, now that is truely awesome...thanx alot
because the stanzas are what get me, its because i "say" it in a certain, that unless i actually read it to you it wouldnt make as much as an affect even so to the point where it doesnt make sense so thanx alot. I appreciate it.

okay this one is a prologue to a story I'm writing its called:

Deaths Dark Secret

Because i cannot speak to him,
DEATH kindly came to speak to me
Passing through to set me free

He said the threads of LIFE are thin
And that mine had leisurely popped
And because of this my LIFE must stop

Informing me my flesh shall soon be dust
And soul is to meet its ultimate rest
Lastly, that for everyone else this is best

So for them to live i must die
so man wont meet their grand demise
My life must be sacrificed

"The cold equation for LIFE" he cried
Its the secret of Life that all should know
For one to come, one must go

With tears upon his face i asked
"Death,please tell me which is worse?"
He frowned and said "LIFE and DEATH are both a curse."

This peice is called

Child of love

Where music once rang
Where happiness smiled
Where joy last sprang
There is a child

She brings the spirit of the dark
She sings the song of glum
She sets a fire with a spark
A weave of death she's spun

Her icy gaze will master
Her touch is such a pain
She is a princess of disaster
But who is she to blame?

"Why o why my fear child
are you so damned to kill?"
She stepped upon the bodies piled
"Do you think this is my will?

My lust and love were awoken
do you understand what i've said?
I do it because my heart is broken
But i rather i was dead."

amazing. that's all i can say. your rhyming is impeccable. i love them.

👆

I am back, this next one is called

Choosing Paths

What do i do when on the path of indecision
Do i stop, take a break and live before remission?
How do you know that this is the path for you?
That forever and all this is what you'll do

Because from here on out there is no turning back
The world watches in awe, for everything you lack
Everything will bare a price, that only you can pay
The weight of your future on your back every single day

So how do i know and when should i choose?
What path is mine and the tools to use.
The competition is rough and the world is fierce
And when you say that "this is it" you mark the peirce

The one that reads HERE I AM PLEASE PICK ME
And at the end of the day, who knows who you'll be
And when your old and worn and lived through lifes wrath
You'll always sit and wonder about that other path

*there was more but i didnt quite think it fit so i'll save it for another day*

i love it.

This is a new one called:

Seeds of Revenge

I can no longer tell you who i am, or even who i was
I've sunken in the pit of fate and havent come above
Betrayed by my confidant, and the only one i loved
Nothing joyous in my life or anything thereof

Wouldnt... couldnt tell you even if you asked
Any of my future or what was in my past
All i care for is the truth, my one only task
To be free and live without this ugly hidden mask

But you've hurt me too much, i refuse to even say
The thing you've said to me haunt me to till this day
But all the things you've done to me i'll be sure that i repay
My "friend" the trechury in your actions causes my dismay

Dont where i came from, or even where i'll go
But i know its not possible to overcome my woe
Because in life you'll always be reaping what you sow
And the seeds of death i planted are right along your row