Independance in Relationships

Okay, my mother has given me her theory on why all of my relationships fail. She is trying to convince me that a man wants a woman who depends on him...to be the submissive half basically. In my ears all im hearing is that a man wants a needy woman. Is this true? Now im not the Super Woman type who wants to do everything by herself but, the way i see it if i can do it myself than i dont you need you to do it for me. For example i dont like when my boyfriends open the door for me...car house or any of the above. It just makes me feel uncomfortable..and when i tell her this she says its because "i feel like im not worth it"....what do you think?

Don't we all.

And when I say all, I mean both sexes. Well, what you are now leading to is the whole "What do women want?" question.

thats crap. we just want someone who is loyal and who loves us as we love them. independence can be had in a committed relationship, but some women and men have no sense of loyalty.

I want a girl who will go off and do her own thing and then come back and have sex with me, and then go off again, and hang around sometimes.

I don't want some clingy emotionally dependant chick who always wants to be around. I'll get sick of her.

Originally posted by BackFire
I want a girl who will go off and do her own thing and then come back and have sex with me, and then go off again, and hang around sometimes.

I don't want some clingy emotionally dependant chick who always wants to be around. I'll get sick of her.

Sounds like you need a prostitute.... 😆

I should also mention that I don't want to hand out money for these acts.

Find me a prostitute that will do this for a cotton ball and a napkin and I'll be good.

No, not pvs.

Originally posted by Kenshinswife
Okay, my mother has given me her theory on why all of my relationships fail. She is trying to convince me that a man wants a woman who depends on him...to be the submissive half basically. In my ears all im hearing is that a man wants a needy woman. Is this true? Now im not the Super Woman type who wants to do everything by herself but, the way i see it if i can do it myself than i dont you need you to do it for me. For example i dont like when my boyfriends open the door for me...car house or any of the above. It just makes me feel uncomfortable..and when i tell her this she says its because "i feel like im not worth it"....what do you think?

Your mother needs to pull her head out of the 1950's @sshole. Some men do want that, not all. You're also 18, how many ralationships last when you're that age? Not many.

If a woman is clingy and needy, I generally spend as little time around her as possible. Take that for what it's worth.

Originally posted by Kenshinswife
Okay, my mother has given me her theory on why all of my relationships fail. She is trying to convince me that a man wants a woman who depends on him...to be the submissive half basically. In my ears all im hearing is that a man wants a needy woman. Is this true? Now im not the Super Woman type who wants to do everything by herself but, the way i see it if i can do it myself than i dont you need you to do it for me. For example i dont like when my boyfriends open the door for me...car house or any of the above. It just makes me feel uncomfortable..and when i tell her this she says its because "i feel like im not worth it"....what do you think?

I do have to say that I like it when doors are opened for me, I'm not a woman's liber, but I seem to always be in such a hurry saying oh, lets go here and lets go there, that I end up opening the doors myself. I'm kind of a spontaneous person. 😮

BTW, this is not an advertisement.......Well unless you have money...and give back rubs...eat

Originally posted by Kenshinswife
Okay, my mother has given me her theory on why all of my relationships fail. She is trying to convince me that a man wants a woman who depends on him...to be the submissive half basically. In my ears all im hearing is that a man wants a needy woman. Is this true? Now im not the Super Woman type who wants to do everything by herself but, the way i see it if i can do it myself than i dont you need you to do it for me. For example i dont like when my boyfriends open the door for me...car house or any of the above. It just makes me feel uncomfortable..and when i tell her this she says its because "i feel like im not worth it"....what do you think?

I don't think all men want that to be honest. My boyfriend depends on me, far more than I do on him. Its strange, but true.

Originally posted by lil bitchiness
I don't think all men want that to be honest. My boyfriend depends on me, far more than I do on him. Its strange, but true.

Or he wants you to think that.

Nah, I agree. Depends on the guy really.

Originally posted by Kenshinswife
Okay, my mother has given me her theory on why all of my relationships fail. She is trying to convince me that a man wants a woman who depends on him...to be the submissive half basically. In my ears all im hearing is that a man wants a needy woman. Is this true? Now im not the Super Woman type who wants to do everything by herself but, the way i see it if i can do it myself than i dont you need you to do it for me. For example i dont like when my boyfriends open the door for me...car house or any of the above. It just makes me feel uncomfortable..and when i tell her this she says its because "i feel like im not worth it"....what do you think?

Originally posted by lil bitchiness
I don't think all men want that to be honest. My boyfriend depends on me, far more than I do on him. Its strange, but true.

i actually like it when my bf's depend on me. It makes me feel..."important" i guess for lack of a better termanology. Like i have the upper hand or something.
Like for example when we go out to eat or something i always offer to pay first....and i think thats how it should be. my bf shouldnt always have to pay when we go to eat or just go out. Is he the ONLY one eating or enjoying himself...no...so y shouldnt i pay every now and again. I just dont like that "becuz im a lady" crutch. If i give a little and he gives a little it'll go a far way....but my theory leaves me bf-less at the moment 🙁

Originally posted by Kenshinswife
i actually like it when my bf's depend on me. It makes me feel..."important" i guess for lack of a better termanology. Like i have the upper hand or something.
Like for example when we go out to eat or something i always offer to pay first....and i think thats how it should be. my bf shouldnt always have to pay when we go to eat or just go out. Is he the ONLY one eating or enjoying himself...no...so y shouldnt i pay every now and again. I just dont like that "becuz im a lady" crutch. If i give a little and he gives a little it'll go a far way....but my theory leaves me bf-less at the moment 🙁

Your thinking is very modern and logical.

I think differently than you do.

I like to cater to and adore my wife. I try to open the doors and the like for her. Thankfully, my wife does not have to work if she doesn't want to and I think that is the way it should be in a modern America.

Here is a word of caution: The type of man you want may not treat you right. A nice "young man" will take care of all of that without you even offering. You should expect a man to open the door and do kind things like that. On the same token, be aware of a man who seems too nice because he may just want the nasty.

No matter how socially modern this world gets...men have no choice but to owe women a certain revere or respect because we will never carry, bare, and nurse children.

Originally posted by dadudemon

Here is a word of caution: The type of man you want may not treat you right. A nice "young man" will take care of all of that without you even offering. You should expect a man to open the door and do kind things like that.

On the same token, be aware of a man who seems too nice because he may just want the nasty.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
man, I could really go off here. but I will bite my tongue. [/B]

You shouldn't have to try and bite your tongue. Speak your mind…I am civil.

This is advice to woman, dude. There is no need to candy coat it for her.

You can tell within the first couple of weeks if a dude is just in it for the nookie or if he is genuinely nice and wants a relationship…

This may not be the angle your “biting your tongue” at because I may not understand where you are coming from yet.

Each person is different. You can only be vauge and general as to "what men want" or "what women want". What one woman may want might be differant from the one next to her. Same goes with men.

And each person's answer to what they want shouuld generally be complex, as people are complex. There are no easy answers.

Personally though, I'm very open and adaptive. So long as I feel loved and secure in a relationship then I'm happy and would be willing to adapt to what my partner would want. (Their hapiness becomes very important to me) Clear honest communication as to what they want is rather vital to me. My problems in previous relationships were different as well. Tried to give them what they wanted turned out the communication was bad and they didn't understand that I'm adaptive. so they figured I was only one way. The way I thought they wanted. I was not attentive enough in some and too attentive in others.

Ah well, They say there's someone out there for everyone. It's important to be yourself, you'll find someone who understands you. I just have it a bit more difficult due to my adaptive nature.

(yeah I'm currently without)

Originally posted by dadudemon
Your thinking is very modern and logical.

I think differently than you do.

I like to cater to and adore my wife. I try to open the doors and the like for her. Thankfully, my wife does not have to work if she doesn't want to and I think that is the way it should be in a modern America.

Here is a word of caution: The type of man you want may not treat you right. A nice "young man" will take care of all of that without you even offering. You should expect a man to open the door and do kind things like that. On the same token, be aware of a man who seems too nice because he may just want the nasty.

No matter how socially modern this world gets...men have no choice but to owe women a certain revere or respect because we will never carry, bare, and nurse children.

True.

However, due to mu qualification, my boyfriend (lets say hypothetically my future husband) is ALWAYS going to earn less than me.

unless he has a huge business of his own, which is the only way he could ever possibly earn more money than I am currently qualified to earn.

That means, that hypothetically, if we are to get married, I would be one going to work, and he would be one staying at home. He knows that, and acknowledges.

Although, I do worry, that sometimes, a guy might get upset if a female earns more than him. At the mo he does not mind, however, I do not see how it will play out in the future.

Originally posted by dadudemon
You shouldn't have to try and bite your tongue. Speak your mind…I am civil.

This is advice to woman, dude. There is no need to candy coat it for her.

You can tell within the first couple of weeks if a dude is just in it for the nookie or if he is genuinely nice and wants a relationship…

This may not be the angle your “biting your tongue” at because I may not understand where you are coming from yet.

Originally posted by lil bitchiness
True.

However, due to mu qualification, my boyfriend (lets say hypothetically my future husband) is ALWAYS going to earn less than me.

unless he has a huge business of his own, which is the only way he could ever possibly earn more money than I am currently qualified to earn.

That means, that hypothetically, if we are to get married, I would be one going to work, and he would be one staying at home. He knows that, and acknowledges.

Although, I do worry, that sometimes, a guy might get upset if a female earns more than him. At the mo he does not mind, however, I do not see how it will play out in the future.

Well, that is just plain awesome that you are that successful...props goes to you. WAY TO GO! 😎

The reason I don't want my wife to have to work IF she doesn't want is...

What if she doesn't feel like working anymore all of a sudden? What if she wants another child and needs to take a year or two off or what ever she deems necessary? I feel that a real man should provide well enough to give his wife those options.

When I first started dating my wife, she was self employed and was going to college while raising a son all by herself. Obviously, that was one of the things that was so attractive to me about her.

Later, right before we got married, we discussed her owning her own business so that I could complete medical school and survive, financially, the residency. It didn't work out because I would have to have an awesome job to get the collateral/qualify for the business loan and then it would take up to 5 years for the business to be able to stand on its own so I could do all of medical school. I gave up my dream of becoming an MD and instead pursued a career in IT...and it pays really well and my wife doesn't have to work IF she doesn't want to.

If your dude loves, then he would understand and accomdate you as best as possible. (Hell, I would love it if I didn't have to work so I could go to collge for that MD!!!) You seem smart enough that you would not be with a close minded male chauvinist.