What Do Think About Arranged Marriages?

Originally posted by leonheartmm
arranged marriages are an EVIL institution. sexist, negetive. etc etc. i live in a region/country where they are prevelant and love marriages are frowned upon/honour killings are preverlant. the institution whould be legally BANNED.

i wonder if they frown upon a wife who talks about her husband beating the $#@@@@@@$$%^&* out of her. i am sure he has every right to slap her at will, as she's about close to property rights, he just doesn't have to pay their gov taxes on her (maybe he does in certain tribes or countries). like here in the USA, we pay taxes on our land and car and stuff, so, they probably have to pay some sort of annual or semi for her too. either way, i am sure if they allow for only arranged marriages and frown on love, they also probably don't frown on the husband pouncing on his wife every now and again, she'll be covered up anyway, but even if she wasn't, who would care?

I have a friend who is gay and in that situation. He is just miserable knowing that he has to marry a girl when he is obviously gay. I'm actually doing a documentary on arranged marriages because I'm so curious to understand more about it. And I feel this is something that a lot of people are aware about, but don't understand the full meaning (in both a negative and positive way). And I want to just listen and explore the world of that situation. I am hoping that someone will speak about it openly to me so that maybe this film can be the start of a new outlook on arranged marriages. Would anyone be interested in sitting down and just expressing your position? I protect everyone I interact with, whether that being making the person anonymous, not shown and letting the person have a say on what they don't want in the final project (I pull it out immediately in editing). If you are interested, respond back on here. Maybe the light of the situation can make a step toward change.

I think my opinion is relevant on this topic, because I am Indian and my entire family (or at least all of the members I know of) has had "arranged" marriages.

First of all, I'm going to burst the notion that you don't meet your spouse until the wedding day. This might have happened thousands of years ago (see swayamvara), but nowadays, you definitely have time to get to know a potential spouse with an accepted right of refusal. Secondly, I'm also going to burst the notion that families force men/women to marry or control everything- that's garbage...arranged marriages occur between individuals who are well past sexual maturity, are usually settled in their careers, and are ready for the next stage of their lives; these individuals also have more decision-making power than the rest of the family.

Today, arranged marriages are much more modernized. It's basically a major search undertaken by the man/woman and his/her family, with the assistance of a matchmaker (usually a relative), in search of a spouse who has the suitable values, expectations, looks, religion, caste, astrological signs, profession, etc. Along with word of mouth, there are extremely popular (not to mention, effective) matrimonial sites that allow matches to be established.

The entire process, whether it is a refusal or an agreement, is done with dignity and cordiality.

Arranged marriages 'work', because even though you may not 'know' whomever you are marrying to the degree as you might have in a "love marriage" (where you may have spent months, or years dating/being in a romantic relationship), you are in a way compelled to discover the beauty of your partner and love him/her for what he/she is. Divorce just doesn't happen in Indian arranged marriages. That is undeniable. This is why arranged marriages are much more successful.

However, today, it's possible for two people who know each other and who meet the 'criteria' to 'arrange' a marriage between them by uniting the families in a similar fashion to normal arranged weddings.

This above option is the one I will have to take, however. As a person of two cultures, I just cannot accept marrying a new individual, even if she might be perfect for me, without at least knowing her and having a romantic connection with her prior.

Korto Vos
Secondly, I'm also going to burst the notion that families force men/women to marry or control everything- that's garbage...arranged marriages occur between individuals who are well past sexual maturity, are usually settled in their careers, and are ready for the next stage of their lives; these individuals also have more decision-making power than the rest of the family.

Today, arranged marriages are much more modernized. It's basically a major search undertaken by the man/woman and his/her family, with the assistance of a matchmaker (usually a relative), in search of a spouse who has the suitable values, expectations, looks, religion, caste, astrological signs, profession, etc. Along with word of mouth, there are extremely popular (not to mention, effective) matrimonial sites that allow matches to be established.

The entire process, whether it is a refusal or an agreement, is done with dignity and cordiality.

Even here, dowries are extremely common. If an attractive twenty five year old woman from a prominent, respected family graduates top of her class in software engineering from the best school in the south and still has to pay a million and a half rupees for a husband, something is wrong.

Spoiler:
It doesn't help that this same highly educated, financially secure woman wants to nitpick caste, but I digress: the idiosyncratic absurdity that arises when old cultural expectations conflict with burgeoning modern sensibilities is complicated, and not in a fruitfully dissectible way.

Marital politics among the disadvantaged and impoverished is largely beyond the scope of this discussion, I think.

KV
Arranged marriages 'work', because even though you may not 'know' whomever you are marrying to the degree as you might have in a "love marriage" (where you may have spent months, or years dating/being in a romantic relationship), you are in a way compelled to discover the beauty of your partner and love him/her for what he/she is. Divorce just doesn't happen in Indian arranged marriages. That is undeniable. This is why arranged marriages are much more successful.

But that is not the measure of matrimony that I seek, nor is it yours by the looks of it.

Certain areas of India have in some regards come a very long way, and my stance on arranged marriages conducted in a desirable manner has changed to accommodate that. But don't exaggerate the extent of the change or ignore where most of it has taken place.

Arranged marriages are a great way for racist cultures to keep the bloodline pure.

Plus the men in these cultures tend to be pretty gross so this way they keep their birthrates up.

I had talked to some people who were arranged to be married and they seem happy and it is also not a big divorse rate either so I guess it works for some.

[QUOTE=9388246]Originally posted by colonelf40
What Do Think About Arranged Marriages?

id like to hear your views on this topic, do you think that it is ok or do you think it is cruel [/QUOTE

stupid

Any Marriage has a 50/50 chance. IMO Marriages out of Respect seems to last longer than Marriages out of love.

i think arranged marriage is most successful than love marriage...

Even in North America after being exposed to western culture/values arranged marriage is common amongst 2nd-gen East-Indian Canadians.

I have known several who have gone through/will go through an arranged marriage. Despite realizing this is a very alien concept here they still seemed quite satisfied with the situation.

Originally posted by alltoomany
Any Marriage has a 50/50 chance.

This isn't exactly true.

Any randomly selected marriage has a 50/50 chance but that's largely because of serial monogamy. A person who marries and divorces six times gets counted six times, a person who stays married for a lifetime only gets counted once.

Arranged marriage is a very successful type of marriage.
where one has no many expectations about his partner he/she just live with each other with love and care.
while in case of love marriages there are lot of expectations which severally causes its distortion.
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Computer Science Programs

Originally posted by Symmetric Chaos
This isn't exactly true.

Any randomly selected marriage has a 50/50 chance but that's largely because of serial monogamy. A person who marries and divorces six times gets counted six times, a person who stays married for a lifetime only gets counted once.

Yeah but those poor guys that will end up being one of six... May end up never remarrying after the sheer agony of what they went through...

Or remarry only once again for the most part... Keeping the residual numbers low.

i am not against it..but i will not have one...

according to me arranged marriages are quite successful then love marriages. because in arrange marriage you work to build a good relationship with you wife and work hard to do for you family and slowly but steady love develop in your life and you enjoy the life.
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[Spam.]

I have nothing against arranged marriages and nothing against love marriages so just as long as you are happy with your husband/wife then i will be happy for you.

Originally posted by majid86
I have nothing against arranged marriages and nothing against love marriages so just as long as you are happy with your husband/wife then i will be happy for you.

Originally posted by §P0oONY
Unless you're white... or black... or any race but mine?

No unless you are a RACIST white person not meaning an innocent harmless white person.

And believe me, i can spot the difference between the 2.
Racism is such a boring subject.

This type of marriage is very common here in the Middle East.

Some of my Arabian friends are 'pre-destined' to marry women and men before they were even conceived. LOL. It's a strange concept, but they say (at least most of them) that they do this so there would be no indifference between the families of both parties. I mean, the parents know each other long before they raised families.

But with regards to my personal view, I think it is backward and too traditional, especially in this day and age.
I believe everyone has the right to choose his or her own partner, may he/she be bisexual, homosexual or straight.
That's my opinion. If some of you prefer fixed marriages, I respect that. I have my own set of customs and beliefs.

Originally posted by majid86
No unless you are a RACIST white person not meaning an innocent harmless white person.

And believe me, i can spot the difference between the 2.
Racism is such a boring subject.