problems...
I hate to be a downer, this is such an awesome forum with happy people who are like yay, look at me I'm happy, but i am having a shit load of problems with my personal life and shit... I cuss a lot and I apologize for it. Well my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years, broke up with me a couple days ago, this would be the 6th time we've broken up, and her reason was that she doesn't love me, and hasn't for almost a year, around November, she says. She told me she thought she could make it work, but has given up as anyone should after a month let alone 11 of 'em, but what really gets me is a year before November, she proposed to me after we settled break up number 3. we wanted to get married in June of this year, and I got her a ring around said time, it was a late engagement ring, but I couldn't afford one until then because up until about March of this year she didn't have a job. So I supported her, happily. I did however urge her to get a job,or go back to school, but it took 9 months for her to get another job. So i bought her a ring in April or so,a whole 5 months after she claimed to stop loving me, and the only reason we didn't wed was financial problems, we were hoping for a loan from the bank after discovering our tax refund was a lot less than was expected. Recently, she went to visit a friend in Oklahoma, a guy, I'm usually not the jealous type, but once when he called her after not talking for a while, she was ecstatic, more so then when I got her the ring. I says to her I didn't want her to go, that it bugged me, but she went anyways. Before she went, I cooled down because I was under the impression that she no longer had a thing for him, and was going mainly because she already bought the ticket and it was non refundable, but I still had a feeling that something may happen. I knew trying to control her pushed her farther away... Like pot for instance, I don't like it mainly because I have a couple mommy issues, it was a gateway drug for my mom, so my ex "quit" for me, and she did a good job. She didn't smoke it for over a year, but around November or so she started smoking again. I told her I didn't approve, but she didn't care, it's what she does. When the going got tough, when I got on her nerves, when she was worrying about family members, when she wanted to do it just to spite me, the list goes on. Back to Oklahoma, While she was there she kissed him once, I found out after we broke up, I also found out she tried to **** him , but he's a fairly decent guy, and he declined. Her excuse was she was drunk. Anyways I'm here all heart broken, realizing that this was a long time coming and my eyes were closed to often. I want her back, but I know that it would probably lead to more heart ache. I know even if she wanted me back and was willing to quit smoking pot for me, she wouldn't due to he stubborn nature I've always admired. We did have break up sex and I didn't regret the meaninglessness of it this time though. I know I should move on, or maybe not have been home when she got back from her trip, like a good friend of mine suggested. Well when she got back from that trip, she realized she didn't miss me while she was one, and finally got the balls to break up from an unfulfilling relationship that she, was comfortable, bored but comfortable, in. I know part of this is just her nature, you see she gets tired of the same thing day after day, and she just wanted something different, she admitted this. I kinda feel sorry for her, because that's not a very healthy nature, and she may never be the wife, or even mother, that one would want if she ever go down that road. She would get sick of it and would want to start over again. Once again I don't know why I'm posting this, aside from just getting it off my chest, but I doubt anyone will read it, let alone respond if they spent the hour or so reading it but if someone does read this please give me some sort of advice, or say something that might make me feel better or laugh or something. Sorry for the length.Wow, 4062 characters, sorry again.