I need help.

I don't know if this is the right section for this, but I'd appreciate it if you'd give some advice.

I'm with this girl now for quite a while, and she's perfect for me, we were born for eachother, but I won't sit here describing what I feel for her, let's just say she's my everything and it will always stay that way.

Yesterday I found out something horrible. Seems that, when she was younger, one of her ex-boyfriends raped her. Twice. Now I'll spare you details, but he did enough to seriously want him dead. I'm the only one who knows, her mother suspects something but has given up trying to drag it out of her. It's been too long ago and there's no evidence to start a trial. I told her if I'd ever see him, I'd pound the living crap out of him, even if it would kill me, I'm rather small. But she asked me not to do it because she wants to forget the whole thing. I said I couldn't promise anything.

So later, we took the train to drink something with her friends, in a town where they live and she used to go to school. I go around and greet everyone, they've known me for quite a while now and we get along fine. There's only one guy I've never seen. Guess who. She begged me not to do anything and that we'd just ignore him. Every ounce of me wants that animal in the hospital or worse, but I controlled myself.

When we got home, I just broke down. I should have killed him. That piece of trash ruined the life of the person I love from the bottom of my heart. I can track him down quite easily, but my girlfriend says I shouldn't do it, she wants to forget it. But I've got this rage inside of me, and it won't go away 'till that bastard gets what he deserves.

But even so, it wouldn't change anything about what happened.

What should I do?

(Max, aj da ier ebt gelezen, vertel et nie door. Gzij mn beste maat, kvertrouw u. Aj da ier ebt gelezen, kom et dan zeggn, dan kunnen we kr klappn.)

Don' t. It might give you some satisfaction, but it won' t heal you. There are a lot of legal reasons why you shouldn' t, but there is even a better one. She needs you. Who' s going to help her find emotional healing, if you' re rotting in jail?

Of iemand al dan niet aangifte doet is een heel persoonlijke zaak. Maar als er sprake is van verkrachting voor de leeftijd van 18 jaar, mag je nog steeds aangifte doen tot 10 jaar nadat je volwassen bent geworden (dus tot je 28ste).

Forget it. Try focusing your anger on something else. Or never see the person again.

Exactly what Storm said. Practically killing the guy may make you feel better (although I doubt it really would) but in the long term, your girlfriend is going to be the one who loses out. Again.

If you love her as much as you say you do, help her heal the wounds in a better way 🙂

Originally posted by Syren
Exactly what Storm said. Practically killing the guy may make you feel better (although I doubt it really would) but in the long term, your girlfriend is going to be the one who loses out. Again.

If you love her as much as you say you do, help her heal the wounds in a better way 🙂

If you hit someone, they'll only press charges against you. You'll find your self in trouble.

Too bad we can't go back in time and throw people in Iron Maidens...

She says I've already healed the wounds by being there for her, loving her, etc. But I know she'll never forget it and always bear the scars. That saddens me so much.

I don't know...You're right, I shouldn't do anything. But still, I want to do it so badly.

Anyways, I'm meeting her in 10 minutes, we talked all night and everything is going the way it went before I found out, so it'll be fun again. Thanks for replying. Have a great afternoon.

Originally posted by Paranoid Pyro
I don't know if this is the right section for this, but I'd appreciate it if you'd give some advice.

I'm with this girl now for quite a while, and she's perfect for me, we were born for eachother, but I won't sit here describing what I feel for her, let's just say she's my everything and it will always stay that way.

Yesterday I found out something horrible. Seems that, when she was younger, one of her ex-boyfriends raped her. Twice. Now I'll spare you details, but he did enough to seriously want him dead. I'm the only one who knows, her mother suspects something but has given up trying to drag it out of her. It's been too long ago and there's no evidence to start a trial. I told her if I'd ever see him, I'd pound the living crap out of him, even if it would kill me, I'm rather small. But she asked me not to do it because she wants to forget the whole thing. I said I couldn't promise anything.

So later, we took the train to drink something with her friends, in a town where they live and she used to go to school. I go around and greet everyone, they've known me for quite a while now and we get along fine. There's only one guy I've never seen. Guess who. She begged me not to do anything and that we'd just ignore him. Every ounce of me wants that animal in the hospital or worse, but I controlled myself.

When we got home, I just broke down. I should have killed him. That piece of trash ruined the life of the person I love from the bottom of my heart. I can track him down quite easily, but my girlfriend says I shouldn't do it, she wants to forget it. But I've got this rage inside of me, and it won't go away 'till that bastard gets what he deserves.

But even so, it wouldn't change anything about what happened.

What should I do?

(Max, aj da ier ebt gelezen, vertel et nie door. Gzij mn beste maat, kvertrouw u. Aj da ier ebt gelezen, kom et dan zeggn, dan kunnen we kr klappn.)

If he ruined her life then why are you two so happy together? And if you are both really as happy as you say you are with one another then what would trying to kill him or seriously injuring him do? It woul more then likely end with you in jail for awhile if not forever. Is that what your lady wants? Probably not. If you were smart you wouldn't have posted this for everyone to see and just sat down and plotted up something real nasty to f*ck him up. There are ways to do things like that without anyone knowing but there is always some amount of risk involved. If I were you I would do as your woman asked and not do anything drastic. If you ever run in to this guy again and you aren't around her, and you have a few buddies with you you can always go up to him like a man and really talk to him about it. If he admits it and is a jerk about it (shows no remorse) than do what you will but be prepared to face the consquences.

Also, if you really love her you'll do as she asks. It seems like you may be doing this because of how YOU feel, not her.

Karma will get to him.

doing so can get u into jail and away from her. besides these things have a way of getting worse for everyone once he knows the reason u attacked and ur behind bars unablke to stop him. ofcourse, if he intimidates you, u shud punch his lights out. its better to stay away from him. unless u have reason to beleive he might do it to sum1 else. i dunno about legal represussions but if u can, u shud report him to the authorities.

Even if this would help anything- which it would not- even if there were not extreme legal repercussions for you- which there are- even if this would not simply hurt your g/f more than it helps her- which it will- and even if you had any right to pursue the matter when the girl herself does not want it done- which you do not- this idea is immoral in the extreme.

It is absolutely not your place to attempt to bring vigilante justice into the situation and it is a complete violation of basic rights to do so- it would make you a bad guy.

And if you even think about justifying it on the grounds that he violated her rights you probably don't deserve to be a free man. Frankly, the pre-meditation involved in your thinking very possibly would make you the biggest villain in the situation, and absolutely without doubt would make you unworthy of the relationship you have.

Nor is it your place to report him to the authorities, nor at this point would it do any good if you did.

Even the worst offender deserves due process and the right to present his side of the case.

Unequivocably- drop this insane idea. And if you cannot get over it, you may destroy your relationship.

And, what might be most important from your point of view (though I would hope the moral issue would weigh with you too)- learn to trust your g/f better here. She says you have helped her. That's all you ever need to do. Doing anything else abuses the trust she placed in you when she told you.

I think that Ush is going over the top with calling you villain, Pyro, wanting to make the person who made your loved ones suffer is very human reaction.

But you cannot focus on vengeance so much- being good to your gilfriend would help her much more- and you really have to honour her wish. If she wanted him to face consequences, it would be different story, but it isn`t. And of course, you can make a person suffer without beating the crap out of that person and going to jail.

Its interesting how everyone is chipping in with their own approach to your situation, be it kind persuasion that it wont help or angry warnings of doom!

However, all I can say is do what you want, what you think will help most, I would suggest you turn the other cheek, let he who has not sinned deal with it...also, maybe re-consider ever having sex with your girlfriend again just in case shes a liar. 🙂

I agree with everyone who is saying "Turn the other cheek."

The past is the past, you can't change what happened, but you can be there for your girl who needs you.

Originally posted by Paranoid Pyro
I don't know if this is the right section for this, but I'd appreciate it if you'd give some advice.

I'm with this girl now for quite a while, and she's perfect for me, we were born for eachother, but I won't sit here describing what I feel for her, let's just say she's my everything and it will always stay that way.

Yesterday I found out something horrible. Seems that, when she was younger, one of her ex-boyfriends raped her. Twice. Now I'll spare you details, but he did enough to seriously want him dead. I'm the only one who knows, her mother suspects something but has given up trying to drag it out of her. It's been too long ago and there's no evidence to start a trial. I told her if I'd ever see him, I'd pound the living crap out of him, even if it would kill me, I'm rather small. But she asked me not to do it because she wants to forget the whole thing. I said I couldn't promise anything.

So later, we took the train to drink something with her friends, in a town where they live and she used to go to school. I go around and greet everyone, they've known me for quite a while now and we get along fine. There's only one guy I've never seen. Guess who. She begged me not to do anything and that we'd just ignore him. Every ounce of me wants that animal in the hospital or worse, but I controlled myself.

When we got home, I just broke down. I should have killed him. That piece of trash ruined the life of the person I love from the bottom of my heart. I can track him down quite easily, but my girlfriend says I shouldn't do it, she wants to forget it. But I've got this rage inside of me, and it won't go away 'till that bastard gets what he deserves.

But even so, it wouldn't change anything about what happened.

What should I do?

(Max, aj da ier ebt gelezen, vertel et nie door. Gzij mn beste maat, kvertrouw u. Aj da ier ebt gelezen, kom et dan zeggn, dan kunnen we kr klappn.)

Beat the shit out of him, ey.

Provoke him into hitting you first. If he does, you can respond and call it self defense. (Even though I'm joking, this may work).

Really though, if you were going to do it, it should have been done at the gathering, a spur of the moment type thing. You could have probably gotten away with that, or at least gotten a lesser punishment. Now with this premeditation it you would get into more trouble than you otherwise would have.

The best idea would simply be to drop it. Shitty that he got away with something like that, but as others have said, actively pursuing this vengeance would, in the end, hurt your relationship with this girl very severely.

The guy would probably kick your ass. 🙂

burn the guys house down

that way he dies and there pratically no evidence

i set a old dickheads shed on fire with a couple buddies and he never knew who done it

but we also never crossed his garden again

good times

Originally posted by Paranoid Pyro
I don't know if this is the right section for this, but I'd appreciate it if you'd give some advice.

I'm with this girl now for quite a while, and she's perfect for me, we were born for eachother, but I won't sit here describing what I feel for her, let's just say she's my everything and it will always stay that way.

Yesterday I found out something horrible. Seems that, when she was younger, one of her ex-boyfriends raped her. Twice. Now I'll spare you details, but he did enough to seriously want him dead. I'm the only one who knows, her mother suspects something but has given up trying to drag it out of her. It's been too long ago and there's no evidence to start a trial. I told her if I'd ever see him, I'd pound the living crap out of him, even if it would kill me, I'm rather small. But she asked me not to do it because she wants to forget the whole thing. I said I couldn't promise anything.

So later, we took the train to drink something with her friends, in a town where they live and she used to go to school. I go around and greet everyone, they've known me for quite a while now and we get along fine. There's only one guy I've never seen. Guess who. She begged me not to do anything and that we'd just ignore him. Every ounce of me wants that animal in the hospital or worse, but I controlled myself.

When we got home, I just broke down. I should have killed him. That piece of trash ruined the life of the person I love from the bottom of my heart. I can track him down quite easily, but my girlfriend says I shouldn't do it, she wants to forget it. But I've got this rage inside of me, and it won't go away 'till that bastard gets what he deserves.

But even so, it wouldn't change anything about what happened.

What should I do?

(Max, aj da ier ebt gelezen, vertel et nie door. Gzij mn beste maat, kvertrouw u. Aj da ier ebt gelezen, kom et dan zeggn, dan kunnen we kr klappn.)

It's not your place to kill anyone, he didn't. He'd be a rapist, you'd be a murderer, and that's worse.

Your girlfriend is probably still finding it hard and she's asked you not to do anything, who are you to tell her "I can't promise."? Do you think that's cool or macho or something? It's not as if someone is hitting on her in your view and you split it up and there's a scuffle because he provoked you. He did an awful thing and she obviously doesn't need someone ignoring her request, she needs someone to help.

She's saying "Please, don't." to you and you're saying you might ignore it. The rapist did the same in a different situation.

-AC