T&T decide the best way to run their decisions by the ladies of the case is to invite Keira and Naomie into a circle.
Naomie: I LOVE this stuff! It makes me get into character, you know? I can feel the accent and the bad teeth coming on already.
Keira: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Ted: Yeah, so, Terry and I were uh, talking, I guess, and we want to talk about AWE with you two.
Terry: What's AWE?
Ted: At World's...Elbow. At World's Elbow. Our third Pirate film.
Terry: That's a great title.
Naomie: Oh! What happens to me?
Terry: You're gonna grow 50 feet tall and have a love scene with a squid. We're giving you mostly vague exposition lines. And there's crabs. Lots and lots of crabs.
Keira: Naomie's got crabs! (snorts)
Naomie: Man, that's seriously heavy stuff. (takes a big whif)
Keira: Oh! Oh! (raises her hand like she's in school) I have a suggestion.
Ted: Is it like the kissing Johnny suggestion?
Keira: Yeah! Exactly that! I should kiss Johnny, and Orli, and Jack, and Chow. That's like 12 people right there.
Terry: Keira, your character starts feeling a tremendous amount of guilt over what she's done to Jack and you feel a lot of angst at first.
Keira: No one's said I hurt Jack! Jack's the nicest guy ever and I don't care if he does love Matt Damon!
Naomie: I saw The Talented Mr. Ripley too! Hee hee, glasses and knives.
Terry: Glasses and razor blades, stupid.
Ted: So, uh, I was talking about...(has to remember) Jack Sparrow. The character. Not Jack the actor.
Keira: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Jack Sparrow sounds like Black Tarot. He's a card that tells the future! A black future! (falls over)
Ted: Wow. I guess we shouldn't tell you you marry Will and are separated forever more except one day every ten years.
Terry: (freaked out) Who came up with THAT?
Ah, but who to include?
(Ted, Terry, Johnny, and Gore are at their circle)
Johnny: (raises his cigar) A toast! A toast to the million dollar franchise that years ago, I would never have wanted to be a part of. Down with the man! Johnny power!
Ted: Look, sure. We've made a sh*t-ton of money, but what have we learned from pirates? (puts his fist under his chin in classic "thinker" pose) Do knuckles feel?
Terry: I learned about wigs. Wigs. Lotsa wigs.
(Keira and Orlando enter)
Orlando: What are you guys talking about?
Gore: Lando! (gets up and slaps him) How could you sell out Han Solo to Boba Fett?
Orlando: Ah, more pot, I see.
(Seconds later)
Orlando: (stoned) So, leather pants mixed with water? Not a good combo. Keira, your turn.
Keira: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Johnny: Well, so much for Keira the action star. Gore, what about you?
Gore: Who's talking? Jack the Pirate? Barbossa the Pirate? Murtogg the Pirate?
Ted: Hee hee, Murtogg. What people don't know, and what I didn't know until now but I know now, is that Murtogg is me and Mullroy is Terry.
Terry: Which one am I?
Ted: Terry.
Ted: No, Murtogg, Mullroy? Which one is which? Does anyone know?
Orlando: Ragetti's the one with the eye. (covering one of his eyes) "Hi, I'm Ragetti. I'm skinny and awkward but I'm sensitive."
Keira: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Terry: (raises his cigar) Everyone have theirs?
Johnny: (cigar is behind his ear) No! No! Where's my cigar? Oh my freakin' God! (lights another one very quickly) Okay, saved.
Gore: Mine's brown.
Ted: To POTC! Sure, we're all filthy rich, but we have learned so much.
Gore: Like cigars are brown.
Terry: To POTC! The source of all our problems! No, wait.
Orlando: To POTC! Proving girls can love me if I wear buckled shoes.
Keira: To POTC! Ha ha ha ha...(Johnny covers up her mouth)
(They all raise their cigars.)
Terry: To POTC!
Okay, bored. I'm bringing it back!
(Johnny is with Lauren Maher who plays Scarlett, Vanessa Branch who plays Giselle, and Zoe Saldana who plays Anamaria. They are all stoned.)
Vanessa: Want to know what I think of this pot? Fabulous! It gives me a good feeling, no matter what!
Zoe: I feel good, too. Like, really REALLY good. (starts combing her fingers through her hair) This feels really good too. You guys have GOT to get in on this.
Lauren: (touching Zoe's hair) Ooh, it's so much better than Jason Alexander's hair.
Johnny: Where do I know that name? Oh yes! He's the guy who fights the gladiators, isn't he? (touches Zoe's hair) Whow. You weren't kidding. I feel so clean.
Lauren: No! No, Johnny, you're stupid.
Johnny: Why am I stupid?
Lauren: (takes a swing at him but misses) I don't know, but you're stupid! Jason Alexander is George Costanza.
Vanessa: I love that show! Look, look, look! Who am I? "Yada yada yada."
Johnny: (suddenly furious with himself) DAMN IT! I know this! Think, Johnny, think! (hits himself in the forehead)
Zoe: The yada yada yada girl!
Vanessa: Right on the nose!
(Keira enters.)
Keira: Hi, guys. I just wanted to remind you we're all due for that autographing session and... hey!
(The four look up. Lauren lays on the pot to cover it up.)
Keira: You're smoking pot without me!
Zoe: (looks at her joint) How'd this get here?
Keira: (to Johnny) How could you? After all our fun times with Orli down here? (storms out)
Johnny: (trying to sober up) Keira, wait! (runs after her. He turns back and picks up his joint, then resumes running after her)
CUT TO...outside the building where the cast and crew of POTC will be signing autographs for their fans. Think of it as a POTC convention.
(Keira is crying.)
Johnny: (catches up to her) Keira! You know I would never shun you from the circle. You offer so many enlightening comments.
JOHNNY FLASHBACK
(Keira is laughing uncontrollably on many occasions in the circle.)
FLASHBACK ENDS
Johnny: Well, okay, you're not enlightening when you're high, but you're funny and I was just trying to include the actors who, you know, have not been nominated for any awards.
Keira: (sniffles) You mean it?
Johnny: (hands her his joint) Would I have brought this if I didn't?
Keira: (takes a smoke) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Johnny: That's my girl. I'm still a bit stoned myself.
Keira: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Johnny: (smiles) Let's never fight again.
(He moves to hug her. He hears a gasp behind him.)
Potcfan2003: Holy cow! Jack and Elizabeth are about to kiss!
Texgodiva: (snaps picture) And they're not even in costume!
Lovethemtigers: (tearing up) This is the best day of my life!
Johnny: Uh, wait, girls. Keira and I aren't together. Keira, help me out.
Keira: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Lovethemtigers: I knew it would be a sparrabeth ending! I knew it all the time!
Texgodiva: And Johnny spoke to us! I can't believe it!
Potcfan2003: That's what this convention is about! They're remaking AWE and it's going to be a sparrabeth ending and Johnny and Keira have come out to rehearse! That is so smart of them, coming out here where they can have some privacy. You know, Keira, you should move your hands up and down his pecks.
Keira: (holds out her hands but doesn't reach Johnny. She falls down to the ground) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Johnny: Uh, okay, not a good situation for an attached guy! (an animated light bulb lights up over his head) Quick! Over there! (points) An agitated willabeth fan is stealing a sparrabeth fan's lunch money!
KMC Members: Not on our watch! (They run away.)
Keira: (sobering) Johnny? I'm starting to feel the aftermath of that fall. I could really use some more pot. (looks around) Johnny?
(Out on the horizon line, Johnny can be seen running for his life.)