My man... Smart people get a chance to climb to the top of reality, and take it for a ride. But, it'll never stop trying to throw you. And eventually it will, there's no other way off.
But, life's a marathon. Not a sprint. I once had a great friend of mine once tell me on my worst day in life "I'd rather listen to all of your problems, and issues for 3 hours, than give a 15 minute eulogy at your funeral". Shit, hit home. It's better for you to reach out to a friend or even any degenerate in this group, and we'll listen