For everyone, there's a band or musician who sums up a pivotal time in their life. Perhaps they made the records that got you through a difficult time at school, or played at the first gig you attended, or were the favourite artist of a much-missed boyfriend or girlfriend. But there comes a time to accept that, no matter what fond feelings of nostalgia it awakes in you, the music itself is utter rot. What you're experiencing is emotional memory and it should never be confused with actual, honest musical taste. Absurd fake punks Green Day have sustained an entire multi-million dollar career on being many an impressionable youth's first 'alternative' band, with said youths maintaining their allegiance long into adulthood, when they should've consigned the CDs (with all their hopelessly contrived attempts to sound anti-society and 'angry'😉 to their parents' attic, alongside the Furby and the rollerblades. The next busker we hear playing Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) will end up wearing their guitar as a necktie.
It's important not to confuse influential with good. A band can be influential simply because they're the first to consolidate a set of musical ideas, which go on to become a long lasting genre. But just as Yuri Gagarin was not the best at being in space, merely the first, Black Sabbath were not one of the best heavy rock bands to have existed (as legend would have it), just one of the first. Yes, they pushed music into new, darker, territory, challenging the prevailing melodic sounds of the late 60s and paving the way for heavy metal. But did they make records that are anything less than a torturous and faintly embarrassing endurance test to listen to today? No they did not. Without their influence on a young Kurt Cobain we may never have had Nirvana, for which we're grateful. But they're still bloody awful. And Ozzy Osbourne's vocals were hopelessly weak and wavering even then (sits back and waits for Sharon to send us a turd in the post).
tom jones
The joke's not funny anymore. Seriously, enough now. Sure, back in the late 90s it raised a chuckle to see his permanently startled, leathery brown face (like Ronald McDonald after a small explosion) gurning its way through Mouse T's Sex Bomb. “Ha, ha, look,” we all laughed, “It's the 60s entertainer Tom Jones singing a modern pop song on an edgy youth-oriented TV show. How ironically amusing.” So why is he still here? We've nothing against older singers continuing their careers for as long as their arthritic fingers can grip the microphone. But Tom Jones makes a horrible sound. And he looks horrible. In fact, since he stopped dying his hair (who knew?) he's actually quite frightening (like Father Christmas with a suntan). Mummy, make the scary man in the leather trousers go away now please.
John Lennon
© PA
Before you start shouting, we're not talking about the John Lennon who was in The Beatles. That John Lennon can have all the accolades he likes; he earned them. No, the John Lennon we're talking about is the one who recorded three albums of experimental (trans: unlistenable) self-indulgence with his wife, then dedicated his life to a series of attention seeking and vacuous publicity stunts, soundtracked by two of the worst songs ever written: Give Peace a Chance (we think you'll find global diplomacy is slightly more complex than that, John) and Imagine, the most execrable, pseudo-philosophical, insincere, plodding gibberish ever pressed to vinyl. And why does no one ever talk about the albums he made between '74 and '75, whilst drunk? Because they're mostly crap, that's why. Just say it. His legacy will remain intact, and his legend would probably be far better served if people were honest enough to admit there were times when the genius that was John Lennon made music that stank like the bottoms in Yoko's 'arty' film of the same name.
by Tom Townshend
Eric Clapton
© PA
If Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil in exchange for the blues, Eric Clapton must've been forced to use his house as collateral since there's no trace of a soul in his clinical, soporific and vastly over-praised guitar expertise. Other than a few nice tunes in the 60s, with the band Cream, and Derek & the Dominos' evergreen Layla, there's been a very long career of unmemorable, technically proficient, noodling tedium. Even giving him plaudits for introducing Bob Marley to a wider audience (with his cover of I Shot the Sheriff) doesn't make up for 45 years of music that primarily appeals to accountants who dream of owning a motorbike when they retire.
Dude! this was my first time seeing Green Day play live as Green Day in such a big venue.....and it was SO ****ING AWESOME! everything i hopped for came true! I'm Stephanie! the second girl picked to sing Longview! and i was so suprised that Billie picked me to go up onstage! i had so much fun up there except for the fact that i didnt know what the hell I was doing haha! well i must have done something right to find billie bowing down to me...i was like..NO i should be bowing down to you! i also got picked for soundcheck and got to hear cigarettes and valentines...that was a suprise...and i got to be up against the barrier for the whole show! even after i stage dived off after longview ...all thanks to billie telling the crowd to send me back. holy crap im still in shock....i sang my heart out to every song...and billie kept looking at me and smiling at me alot...he even gave me a pick! wow there is so much that went on and this is only the beginning! im off to Las Vegas early in the morning....i owe my life to this band...thank you so much Green Day! and thanks to everyone who stopped to say hi after the show!