If you had to walk into the Vorhees house...

Deadpool.

Anyone else, and you're not walking out of there.

Probably DD. The house is going to be dark so you want someone with DD's talents. Or Batman, he'd have night vision and such. Cap isn't too useful in this situation and Deadpool might think it funny to watch Jason kill you.

I assumed the whole idea was that our partner is actually there to help us. You know, like, on our side?

It's not like Deadpool ever suddenly turned and blew away Punisher.

All are bad options, but I'd pick either Daredevil or Batman.

Jason so slow, whats the problem?

He's slow and stupid, yet fast and smart. lol