Myth
Give me your babies!!!
Originally posted by Ms.Marvel
why? 🙁
Different expectations going into it. Though, I'm pretty sure I would have still thought of it as a crapfest even with low expectations. I wrote a review of it years ago (2004). Here it is:
The first movie that I have rated a 1. I have been tempted with others but Dreamcatcher is my reasoning for them not receiving a 1. Example: I say to myself, "Hellboy was horrible, but it wasn't quite as bad as Dreamcatcher. Therefore, Hellboy gets a 2." I thought that the movie looked promising. The commercials didn't give away to much and actually made it resemble Fallen starring Denzel Washington and John Goodman (about an 8/10). When actually watching the movie, I still felt that promise of something interesting. They were out in the middle of nowhere when this strange sick man comes along. He then starts to bulge which makes you think that something cool is going to happen. Along with the bulge was a bunch of retarded farting noises that I tried to overlook. Then, the unthinkable happens. The guy goes to take a shit and dies with a trail of blood leading to the toilet. I was thinking WTF in an interested way. All of a sudden, this slug like alien slides from behind the toilet. I sunk about a foot in my chair because of how retarded the movie suddenly became. Eventually, the guy escapes the bathroom to be met by a giant one of these slug aliens which seems more human like with its arms and legs. Some how, don't ask me how it worked, the giant alien got inside the man and takes over his body. The movie from here on out will show the man trying to fight off the alien inside his head by hiding his memory from it. Keep in mind that his memories are kept in boxes in a storage room within his head. Talk about stupid. Later, one of the guys friends encounters one of the small aliens as well. It is way to obvious from the beginning that the alien is going to attack his dick. It is pretty sad when a movie that is trying build on suspense has aliens attacking peoples' asses and dicks. Its been a while since actually watching the movie but I also recall that all of the human characters were given telepathic powers when they saved a disguised alien from bullies when they were kids. They were forcing the kid to eat crap and were scared off (I think by threats of telling since they were younger). The movie also ended with a bunch of crap as the military started attacking herds of the aliens that decided to cluster despite their intelligence early in the movie. The only positive I can remember from this movie at all, was Morgan Freeman saying, "Shit Weezels." That should not ever be the only positive.
And for Hellboy (also reviewed in 2004):
I typically think comic book movies and big budget movies are crap (or atleast overrated) but this one is by far worse than many of the others of the sort. Yikes this was a horrible movie. I can't believe they are planning a sequel to this piece of crap. WHat was with that guy that was revived with no legs? He looked shitty and was annoying. Then he didn't even serve his purpose. He was to guide them somewhere and they walked through one door way and he died. Also, there was no suspense to that final fight either. I remember there being absolutely no reaction by the audience. Btw: I have never seen so many people leave in the middle of a movie before in my life.
I give this movie 8 thumbs down out of 2.
