Philosophy Jokes

Jokes about philosophy or just funny anecdotes that concern philosophy.

Here's a short story I heard from my Ethical Theory professor.

As he tells it he knew a certain German philosopher who was teaching in London, one day this philosopher wanted to smoke his pipe but it started raining as it often does in London so he went into the subway station to light his pipe. A police officer approached him and told him he couldn't do that.

The philosopher replied "It isn't hurting anyone."

The cop said "Imagine if we lived in a world where everyone lit their pipes in the subway station when it rains."

The philosopher replied "Who do you think you are, Kant?"

Unfortunately his accent causes him to pronounce Kant as K-U-N-T.

He was given a fine.

Originally posted by Omega Vision
Jokes about philosophy or just funny anecdotes that concern philosophy.

Here's a short story I heard from my Ethical Theory professor.

As he tells it he knew a certain German philosopher who was teaching in London, one day this philosopher wanted to smoke his pipe but it started raining as it often does in London so he went into the subway station to light his pipe. A police officer approached him and told him he couldn't do that.

The philosopher replied "It isn't hurting anyone."

The cop said "Imagine if we lived in a world where everyone lit their pipes in the subway station when it rains."

The philosopher replied "Who do you think you are, Kant?"

Unfortunately his accent causes him to pronounce Kant as K-U-N-T.

He was given a fine.

It's not his accent that caused him to do that, it was accuracy uhuh

Good though.

What did one skunk say to the other?

I stink, therefore I am.

Originally posted by Bardock42
It's not his accent that caused him to do that, it was accuracy uhuh

Good though.

Today my shit smells really bad. What's up with that?

And what's up with you want to pee and shit at the same time but your body can't make up its mind which to do first. Am I the only one???

A boy is about to go on his first date, but he has no idea what to talk about. He asks his father for advice, and the pearls of wisdom in reply are, "Son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice-cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for several uncomfortable minutes. The boy remembers his father's words. He asks the girl: "Do you like potato pancakes?".

"No," she says, and the silence returns.

After a few more nerve-wracking minutes, the boy thinks again of his father's suggestions, and turns to the second item on the list.

"Do you have a brother?"

"No," says the girl, and, again, the silence is deafening.

In desperation the boy plays his final card. He thinks of his father's advice, and asks: "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

http://www.dead-philosophers.com/

My favorite webcomic, w/ lots of philosophy humor.

A classic 😉

The thoroughly secular young attorney and the philosopher were engaged in fierce theological debate: "Heaven and hell, you will agree, may very well be separated by a wall," contended the lawyer. Should it happen that this wall would fall down, who would you say must rebuild it?" The righteous would insist that the wicked do it; the latter would likely refuse. If this case came before a judge, which do you believe would emerge the winner?" "It seems to me," replied the philosopher, "that any fair-minded judge would render a verdict against the wicked, since the likelihood is that the wall should crumble from the fires of hell rather than from the bliss of Paradise. "On the other hand," he concluded, "I fully realize that hell surely contains a full quota of glib-tongued lawyers, and I should therefore not be surprised if they won the case."

Is it solipsistic in here or is it just me?

Terry Goodkind writes a series of novels with coherent direction and well-presented ideology.

What is a recent philosophy Ph.D.'s usual question in his or her first job?

"Would you like french fries with that?"

From Family guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4XXHaaiBA0

Originally posted by Astner
What is a recent philosophy Ph.D.'s usual question in his or her first job?

"Would you like french fries with that?"

Odds are they'll have English Major co-workers, so it's all gravy.

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vender? "Make me one 
with everything." 
What did the hot dog vender say when the Buddhist asked for his change? "Change comes from within."