Dateline special: Michael Barker
Over the last year we have reason to suspect that you, a 21 year old has been hanging around school. Art school, to be exact, which is most definitely for children. You also spend most of your time on the internet like most suspects, and use it to discuss your plan to one day "move in" to a girl who has "2 D"s.
Of course, we know she likes black guys meaning you can't possibly please the underage girl, but you still persist with this plan, even attempting to write a book about it since your last one got so much success.
So far, alls we know is you are a bear, so before you join us for the interview, we like to keep our audience in suspense and got an artist to draw this picture of what we think you look like.
On an unrelated story, Eleanor Friedberger has recently found bear feces in her mail.
Your move.