More Jokes!

ok, the idea of posting jokes.. I ripped this off from Mujaffa, but I wana make this into a joke thread 🙂
Here's the first one...

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash

Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit

Between 41 and 50, she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF MAN
Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq - ruled by a d*ck

Post yours!

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if only you could ask a guy: how's your milk supply? ~lmao~ i know that's not a joke, more a one-liner thing. just taking something the wrong way. ^.~

what are the three hardest years of a blonde's life? 4th grade

Heard the blonde joke before BOP. But I have one...

A blonde was sitting in a rowboat in the middle of a hay field, row around in a circle.

Then a group of other blondes come to the edge of the hay field and scream at the blonde in the rowboat.

The leader says, "You are the blonde who disgraces us all! If we could we would swim out there and kill you!"

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

😄

Here's another one, this time about Saddam.

*It has been a few days since the bombing that supposedly killed Saddam, and one of his extremist leaders gathers all 48 of Saddam's look-a-likes, who have all undergone extreme facelifts and plastic surgery and look like the dictator in everyway, and begins his speech*

EXTREMIST: We have good news and bad news for doubles! The good news is that Saddam has survived the bombing of Baghdad!

*Saddam's look-a-likes cheer*

EXTREMIST: The bad news is that he lost his arm...

😈

Saddam has just made a reportedly live TV appearance. He said ..........

"To prove I am still alive, Liverpool were a bag o' sh*te on Saturday"

British Government claims that it could have been recorded months ago.

*yawn*

this one's about medical terminology

Artery -- Study of paintings
Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section -- District in Rome
Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- Sheep dog
Coma -- A punctuation mark
Congenital -- Friendly
D&C -- Where Washington is
Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events
Dilate -- To live long
Enema -- Not a friend
Fester -- Quicker
Fibula -- A small lie
G.I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- Suitcase
Hangnail -- Coathook
Impotent -- Distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee
Labor pain -- Got hurt at work
Medical staff -- Doctor's cane
Morbid -- Higher offer
Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate
Node -- Was aware of
Outpatient -- Person who had fainted
Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- Letter carrier
Protein -- Favoring young people
Rectum -- It almost killed him
Recovery room -- Place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- Amorous
Scar -- Rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- Hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- Study of knighthood
Tablet -- Small table
Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport
Tibia -- Country in North Africa
Tumor -- An extra pair
Urine -- Opposite of you're out
Varicose -- Located nearby
Vein -- Conceited

😑 😑

😂

😂

you want more
??????????????

hm...more😄!!!!!!!

A woman's dictionary

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card

(no hard felings????)

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake
happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously
but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no
answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and
yelled:

"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

Then she heard a voice from far, far away:

"Hello, we're down here..."

😂

😂

I don't get it. 🙄

Poor Mech, he just doesn't understand... 😄

Muj, those two were hilarious!!! So was your Corran! 😂 😂 😂