Help Me With My OKCupid?
Hey there, KMC'ites. Blaxican here, asking you for help once again.
So, lately I've rather down on my luck with the ladies, so I've decided to give the dating site a shot- what's the worst that could happen, right?
Well, the problem is that my profile hasn't gotten a single hit. It's been like a week, and while I've gotten a couple visitors, no one ever leaves a message or anything. I've even tentatively sent some women messages, but they never respond. It definitely seems to be a matter of my profile just not being appealing enough.
So, I turn to you, my peers. How can I tweak my profile so that it's more appealing to women? Unfortunately it seems that people can't see OkCupid profiles unless they're logged in to OKCupid themselves- but I can at least copy-pasta the fields to here so that you can view them and maybe come up with some advice. Thanks in advance guys.
Profile-
My self-summary
Hi, I'm Isaiah, an obese, 21 year-old, male-pattern baldness afflicted neckbeard who lives with his mother. I hate people.
What I’m doing with my life
I work as a Paul Blart security guard in San Francisco. Beyond that, I avoid going outside as much as possible, surrounding myself with the moist safety and familiarity of my computer desk. Oh, how I love my cheetos-caked keyboard and desk cluttered with yu-gi-oh cards, food crumbs, empty cups and plates and the tissue box and hand lotion rounding out the corner. This is my sanctuary, and good thing to, as I have absolutely nothing going for me in life.
I’m really good at
- Being a dungeon-master in my online Dungeons and Dragons roleplaying games. For those of you not in the know, the dungeon master's basically like God. Yeah, I run shit son.
- Pwning noobs in Starcraft (Broodwar, SC2's for mainstreamers /sneer)
- Crushing the hopes and dreams of 12 year-olds on Xbox LIVE.
- Verbally accosting 12 year-olds on Xbox LIVE.
- Flipping my eyelids inside out.
- Eating really fast. Seriously, I once ate an entire steak in one bite. I just crammed that ****er in.
The first things people usually notice about me
- The crumbs of food dotting my patchy, unkempt beard.
- My triple-chins.
- Women tend to notice that my breasts are bigger than theirs.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
-Favorite food: Pizza, cheeseburgers, tacos, drumsticks from KFC.
Favorite books: Lord of the Rings, Physics: A Comprehensive Approach, 3rd edition. Computer Networking for Dummies.
-Favorite shows: Firefly, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Doctor Who, Stargate: SG1, Stargate: Atlantis, Game of Thrones, Star Trek, Star Trek: Enterprise, Angel, Ghost Hunters!
-Favorite music: I looooove the soundtrack Super Mario 64 and Metroid 2 omg.
-Favorite movies: Lord of the Rings, every Marvel movie ever made (besides Ghost Rider, Ghost Rider 2, the Punisher movies, the Fantastic Four movies, Daredevil), Scarlett Johanson is so hot! Star Wars (duh), Blade Runner, all the Star Trek movies.
The six things I could never do without
-My computer
-My Xbox
-My Mom
-Internet Porn
-My Gameboy DS /w all my Pokemon games
I spend a lot of time thinking about
-Why they can't make a good Superman movie.
- What the quantum-physical repercussions would be if someone in the World actually managed to lick their elbow.
- What the glowing object was in the briefcase Jules was holding for Mr. Wallace.
- Who I'd have to talk to about joining a flashmob. I want to dress up as a Stormtrooper and have a dance off with SPARTANS from Halo in the middle of an intersection on Market street. That's normal, right?