does being in love require delusion

so i came across some claims that people basically filter information about their lovers to their lovers advantage - i.e. they amplify their strengths and diminish their weaknesses. i saw a psychology article about this as well as a section in my communications book which said the same thing.

in the article the scientists qualified it with something along the lines of "yea, it's a delusion, but it's a good kind of delusion that makes your relationship healthy".

something about this makes me uneasy. it feels like if i fall in love with someone and then i delude myself into having a certain image of them, it is that image i'm actually in love with and not the person themself. anybody have any thoughts on this? i can go back and find the referenced articles if need be btw.

Originally posted by red g jacks
so i came across some claims that people basically filter information about their lovers to their lovers advantage - i.e. they amplify their strengths and diminish their weaknesses. i saw a psychology article about this as well as a section in my communications book which said the same thing.

in the article the scientists qualified it with something along the lines of "yea, it's a delusion, but it's a good kind of delusion that makes your relationship healthy".

something about this makes me uneasy. it feels like if i fall in love with someone and then i delude myself into having a certain image of them, it is that image i'm actually in love with and not the person themself.

On the other hand, if we live with someone we love, over time the love matures. You see less your projection and more the person, just like that person is experiencing you.

Does being in love require delusion?

No, but it sure does help. 😉

Originally posted by Mindship
We perceive our entire world through various degrees of distortion, skewed by the emotional charges we attach to things.

On the other hand, if we live with someone we love, over time the love matures. You see less your projection and more the person, just like that person is experiencing you.

Though the team only conducted the studies with college students, average age of 18, Finkel told LiveScience that they would expect to see the same results in older adults.

"We haven't tested our ideas in older samples, but my best guess is that our results would be similar there," he wrote in an email. "The tension between self-protection and relationship-promotion exists throughout the time-course of a close relationship. Given that trust varies among both older and younger people, it seems likely that high levels of trust should foster relationship-promoting memory distortions in a broad range of people."

Originally posted by red g jacks
yea i know some level of delusion is inevitable, but it's weird to hear them say it's actually desirable in this case. can you give me some other examples of delusion that are "good for you?"

Originally posted by red g jacks
this seems intuitively true to me as well, but in the article they said this:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/01/love-science-you-need-delusion_n_2790774.html

Originally posted by Shakyamunison
Does being in love require delusion?

No, but it sure does help. 😉

love is different for many different ppl. you cnt put yoself in someone else shoes.. just as someone wnt understand how you can feel somethen for someone if they dnt know that person as you do

For me it requires a clear view, a steady hand and a powerful pair of binoculars.

Originally posted by Mindship
We perceive our entire world through various degrees of distortion, skewed by the emotional charges we attach to things.

On the other hand, if we live with someone we love, over time the love matures. You see less your projection and more the person, just like that person is experiencing you.

Is love just a chemical reaction or is it something more...,we'll never know, but it's better to have loved than to have never loved at all, so i'm told. ;-)

Originally posted by jinXed by JaNx
Is love just a chemical reaction or is it something more...,we'll never know, but it's better to have loved than to have never loved at all, so i'm told. ;-)

Well, that's the old saying, about loving and losing vs. never having loved at all. I guess..

Originally posted by Mindship
We perceive our entire world through various degrees of distortion, skewed by the emotional charges we attach to things.

On the other hand, if we live with someone we love, over time the love matures. You see less your projection and more the person, just like that person is experiencing you.

Interesting...I've always felt that at one time or another both parties have to stop and look at what the other is doing for them emotionally vs. what they're doing TO them. How are you benefiting vs. what possible effect the relationship is having on you?

If you're truly happy with that person and not living co-dependently where one feels the other is responsible for their well-being, that can lead to some issues. But there too, making each other happy is part of the game, so that's whetre the balancing act come is, so to speak.

Originally posted by Fallschirmjäger
Well, that's the old saying, about loving and losing vs. never having loved at all. I guess..

if you have you have ever loved before then you know that here is always something to live and fight for. That ultimate feeling of understanding and unity is somehing we all strive for, even when we're in love. That feeling of connection is not something we can ever satisfy, however, when we are in love, it feels more relevant and doesn't seem as far away.

I'm not an optimist or a pessimist...,sometimes i'm both, but I try to be a realist. I used to wonder...,"if love is just a chemical reaction in the brain then what's the point?" The part I failed realize then is that if love, is in fact nothing more than a chemical reaction in the brain then our consciousness is the same.

It was there that I decided to align myself with that positive thinking. Just like you've heard before...,Life is what you make it. IF there is one thing I've learned in my thirty years it's that, Sarah Conner, wasn't far off...,fate is what we make. There are times that we compromise our morals and change our values so that we can get over mistakes from the past but if you can manage not to compromise yourself entirely in the process, you can then grow

Meh, I don't know, I say all this knowing that emotions are just about as subjective s anything there is. I'm just assuming you're talking about that kind of love that they've been writing about for centuries...,the kind that would make you forget everything you thought you knew and believed...,the kind that makes you want to embark on an endless journey of becoming better

Its better never to have loved.
Life is less complicated without the baggage attached to that emotion.

That said, i'm speaking of love of the eros type.
Storge, agape and phileo all come with baggage of their own, but the eros variety carries more than all the others combined.

To be honest, if i knew as a young man what i know now, i'd be sorely tempted to never date at all.

Originally posted by Fallschirmjäger
Interesting...I've always felt that at one time or another both parties have to stop and look at what the other is doing for them emotionally vs. what they're doing [B]TO them. How are you benefiting vs. what possible effect the relationship is having on you?

If you're truly happy with that person and not living co-dependently where one feels the other is responsible for their well-being, that can lead to some issues. But there too, making each other happy is part of the game, so that's where the balancing act come is, so to speak. [/B]

Originally posted by Mindship
Ultimately, it depends on the people involved and the choices they make.