Satirical Interview with Bendis.

http://comics.cosmicbooknews.com/content/review-guardians-galaxy-17-bendis

TL: I must say that I’m surprised you granted me an interview given my critiques of your work.

BMB: [offers TL a hit from the hookah] Peace pipe dude.

TL: No thanks. Allergic to cloves. But I do appreciate the gesture.

BMB: [Winks and makes the shooter gesture] No prob.

TL: You know, I just finished reading GotG #17 and I have to say that I just don’t resonate with the change in the tone of this series since you took over from DnA.

BMB: [takes a hit from the hookah and a sip of slushie] D-n-A, Shcmee-n-A.

TL: Excuse me?

BMB: Look. You cosmic fans clearly don’t understand the business of comic books. Brevoort has told you that over-and-over. Here’s the skinny. We just want to sell as many books as we can as fast as we can. Period. None of us Architects much cared about cosmic in the past, so we let DnA play by themselves, and they sold a few books. Nothing like the sales of one of our headliners like, say, Avengers or X-Men – but enough to keep a book going for a while. Small potatoes – you know.

BMB: Look. You cosmic fans clearly don’t understand the business of comic books. Brevoort has told you that over-and-over. Here’s the skinny. We just want to sell as many books as we can as fast as we can. Period. None of us Architects much cared about cosmic in the past, so we let DnA play by themselves, and they sold a few books. Nothing like the sales of one of our headliners like, say, Avengers or X-Men – but enough to keep a book going for a while. Small potatoes – you know.

This part sums it up.

😂

It’s simple really – I just make up a few new curse words for Rocket and try to find him a catchphrase every issue. “Glarkgin” is the new curse word this issue. Brilliant, huh? He says it about 9 times over 4 panels. I thought of that one when I put some gin in my Dr. Pepper slushie while I was eating a Clark bar. Mouthful of gin and Clark bar at the same time equals Clarkgin, right? Then you just science-fiction it up by changing a letter and you get Glarkgin.

Marvel Zombies are brand loyalists. They’ll buy anything with the brand on it – regardless of art, regardless of writing.

It's sad how true this is. For comics in general really.

Sounds just like Bendis.

Originally posted by StyleTime
I...I could actually see that being his process.

Cont...

http://comics.cosmicbooknews.com/content/advanced-review-guardians-galaxy-18

This independent reporter was invited to interview writer, Brian M. Bendis, in regard to Issue #18 of GotGINO (Guardians of the Galaxy In Name Only). Mr. Bendis insisted that the interview take place at the headquarters of Comic Book Resources. This reporter arrived at CBR at the designated time and was promptly escorted to a room containing a full size replica of the Game of Thrones’ Iron Throne placed high upon a dais with no visible staircase. A bell rang, and CBR’s staff of comic book reviewers and forum moderators rushed into the room to form a human staircase leading up to the throne. Bendis’ Chancellor, the one-eyed hunchback known as Jonah, slowly ascended the human staircase to stand behind and to the right of the throne beside a small table containing a vial. A trumpet sounded, and Bendis rushed in from a side door, rapidly ascended the human staircase, and plopped down upon the throne. He looked at Jonah and nodded affirmatively. Jonah picked up the vial - now clearly seen to be labelled ‘Rogain’ - squirted some of its content into his hands, and began giving Bendis a slow scalp massage. The human staircase of CBR comic book reviewers and CBR forum moderators then dispersed – bowing to Bendis, surrounding the Iron Throne, and hissing at this reporter.

Jonah: [frowning at TL] It is customary to bow in the presence of the Master.

TL: He’s not my master, and my people don’t bow.

Jonah: [strong look of disapproval on his face, yells] You are not among your people now!

TL: Just the same, we don’t bow.

Jonah: [falls to his knees before Bendis] Master! Please allow me to ban this filthy infidel as we do all filthy infidels who refuse to conform to our worship of you and your company! Or, if it please you, allow me to subject him to all the insults regularly directed toward him by all your sycophants who frequent our forums! I beseech thee!

BMB: [waves his had dismissively] Nay. A King must be merciful and forgiving. I grant him Pardon for these and all other offenses against the Crown and the Realm. But pray, Jonah, while kneeling shine my shoes. As always, their luster must exceed that of my head’s luster to draw attention from it. Now send in my fool so that we may begin with some entertainment.

Jonah: [Nods to a guard at the side door. Begins shining shoes. The side door opens and Tom Brevoort runs out holding three juggling pins. He fumbles the pins, trips over his duster and falls to the floor knocking himself out. His funny brown hat falls off and a half-eaten Egg McMuffin rolls from underneath it. The whole room laughs as he is carried back through the door].

TL: [laughing] Thanks, Bendis. That was funny.

BMB: Come back on Wednesday to see my Chief Fool, Wacker, perform.

TL: I may take you up on that. I’d like to begin by asking you a few questions about GotGINO #18. I notice that you don’t make spelling mistakes with headliner characters – so we don’t see mis-spells like ‘Toney Starke’ or ‘Thore’ or ‘Steve Rodgers’ in your books. Yet, you’ve consistently mis-spelled Rich Rider’s name as ‘Ryder.’ Do you have some sort of intermittent dyslexia or do you just not care enough to get it right?