Expendables run the LotR gauntlet

Entire crew from Expendables 1.

Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone)
Lee Christmas (Jason Statham)
Yin Yan (Jet Li)
Gunner Jensen (Dolph Lundgren)
Toll Road (Randy Couture)
Hale Caesar (Terry Crews)

Takes on the ff. scenarious from LoTR

1) Battle of Helm's Deep
2) Battle at Minas Tirith
3) Against Sauron's army at the Black Gate.

Stips: They replace the entirety of the Fellowship. Thus, NONE of the plot device "rescue events" happen. Gandalf (and the Rohirim cavalry) does not arrive at Helm's Deep. The Rohirim, Aragorn and the Ghost Army never arrive at Minas Tirith. The eagles never arrive and the ring is never thrown into Mt. Doom, thus the army of Sauron doesn't get sucked down into the earth.

They get almost no intel, they are just told that they will be in a big fight against an army armed with medieval weapons and armor. They carry their standard weapons/gear. They are allowed to carry a total of 20k bullets (you pick) for their weapons as well as 500 lbs worth of whatever you feel they need in C4, grenades or rockets or exotic ammor like flame thrower fuel. Ammo is refilled everytime they clear a stage.

How far do they get?

One random Uruk Berserker eats them all and shits out young Rocky and Ivan Drago.

stops at helm's deep, if they have the plane they may have a chance.

Since they're already going against stupidly extreme odds, why not put in the folks from Expendables 2 and 3 as well?

Just to clarify. The defending armies available during each battle is present.

Meaning the humans+elf defenders in Helm's Deep. The human soldiers in Minas Tirith and the leftover army that marched on the Black Gate. That is in addition to the fortifications.

They are not fighting by themselves.

Just wanna know how well folks think modern day weapons would do in those scenarios.

IIRC, there were 10,000 Urukhai in Helm's Deep. So if they have 20k ammo plus grenades and c4 and rocket launchers in addition to whatever human forces are already defending, I do think they'd be able to win through Helm's Deep. I'll have to review the numbers for the other 2 stages though.

All I know is that they are not getting past 3.

They stop at 3, maybe 2:

- Round 1: PIS and CIS off = Barney or whoever shoots at the running bomber Uruk doesn't miss, meaning the Uruks have to rely on siege ladders and the battering ram to breach Helm's Deep. Too much firepower from The Expendables plus the elves and yeoman archers IMO for the Uruks to win that one. I'd say they take this one for sure.
- Round 2: They've got a shot as long as they can stay in Minas Tirith and the fight doesn't go into the Pelennor Fields. Also, not for sure any weapons could kill the Witch King, so I'm saying between Witch King, the catapults massive stones being thrown, and numbers that Sauron's army takes this one.
- Round 3: Expendables go expendable here. Not enough cover, too many opposing forces.

I would think their ranged explosives would make short work of those siege towers, making it pretty damned tough for the orks to get to the battlements. A couple of well placed rockets would also disable the giant battering ram I would think. And assault rifles would take out the fell beats pretty easily forcing the Witch King off his mount and make him easy pickings. I mean even if they couldn't kill him, I'm guessing getting flame throwered would suck.

If the orcs are unable to breach the walls, and not have the fell beats terrorizing the battlements, wouldn't the garrison have the advantage?

Originally posted by Nibedicus
I would think their ranged explosives would make short work of those siege towers, making it pretty damned tough for the orks to get to the battlements. A couple of well placed rockets would also disable the giant battering ram I would think. And assault rifles would take out the fell beats pretty easily forcing the Witch King off his mount and make him easy pickings. I mean even if they couldn't kill him, I'm guessing getting flame throwered would suck.

If the orcs are unable to breach the walls, and not have the fell beats terrorizing the battlements, wouldn't the garrison have the advantage?

Good point about taking out Grond and the siege towers. Without those, the fell beasts and catapults are the only answer to the Expendables crew and the home Gondor forces. If they can use assault rifles to take out the fell beasts, then ya eventually they could flame throw or frag the Witch King (Aragorn used a torch - very good point Nib), which should at least force a retreat. With the equipment they have access to, yes, I change my response, they can take round 2 as well.