Poll
18%
35%
29%
18%
ALRIGHT THIS ONE IS A LITTLE GROSS AND NOT THAT FUNNY, BUT STILL A STORY.
SO KYLE AND I ARE GOING CAMPING WITH KYLE'S PARENTS. AND I USE THE WORD "CAMPING" LOOSELY, BECAUSE WITH KYLE'S FOLKS THAT SHIT TRANSLATES INTO A CEMENT PARKING LOT WITH RUNNING WATER AND ELECTRICITY AND ALL THE AMENITIES OF HOME. IT'S CAMPING FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE AFRAID OF THE GREAT OUTDOORS.
SO WE PULL OFF THE HIGHWAY, PAY THE 20 DOLLARS OR WHATEVER TO PARK UNDER THE TARP, AND KYLE'S DAD SETS UP HIS BIG TRAILER AS WELL AS THE LITTLE TRAILER KYLE AND I SLEEP IN. WE LOVE THIS THING. IT'S TINY AND COZY AND HAS TWO BUNKS AND A LITTLE CARD TABLE AND A BUNCH OF SNACKS. EVERYTHING WE NEED.
NOW OF COURSE THERE'S NO PLACE TO SWIM IN THE CONCRETE PARKING LOT SO WHAT THE KIDS ARE FORCED TO DO WHILE LAZY ADULTS WATCH THEIR PORTABLE TV'S AND COMPLAIN ABOUT 'ROUGHING IT' IS SNEAK OUT AT NIGHT, WALK ABOUT A KILOMETER TO THIS OLD LADY'S HOUSE, AND SWIM IN HER POOL.
BECAUSE THIS OLD WOMAN IS SO CLOSE TO THE CAMP SITE, SHE'S GOT AN EXTRA HIGH FENCE TO KEEP OUT THE KIDS. IT'S GOT TO BE ABOUT 12 OR 15 FEET HIGH. SO WHAT THE KIDS WOULD DO IS THROW THEIR TOWELS OVER THE FENCE, CLIMB OVER IT AND JUMP DOWN TO THE OTHER SIDE. IT WAS A BIT OF A FALL BUT AT LEAST YOU COULD SWIM. ALSO I SHOULD MENTION IT WAS ONE OF THOSE GREEN-DIAMOND FENCES THAT ARE BASICALLY WIRE COATED WITH GREEN PLASTIC. AT THE TOP OF THE CROSSBAR THE WIRES ARE CUT SO YOU HAVE ALL THOSE LITTLE POINTY BITS STICKING UP AND THAT'S THE SECOND BIGGEST DANGER OF THE NIGHT. THE BIGGEST DANGER IS, OF COURSE, THE OLD WOMAN WHO OWNS THE HOUSE. RUMOURS ABOUND THROUGHOUT CAMP ABOUT HOW SHE'S JUST THE MEANEST EVILIST CRAZY OLD LADY ALIVE AND SHE'LL SHOOT AT YOU WITH HER B.B. GUN OR PUT SPELLS ON YOU OR MAKE YOU WATCH OPRAH WITH HER OR WHATEVER SCARY STORIES KIDS CAN MAKE UP ABOUT HER.
SO ONE NIGHT KYLE AND SNEAK OUT AND RUN TO THE FENCE. I'D LIKE TO SAY IT WAS A STARRY NIGHT OUT BUT BECAUSE OF ALL THE LIGHT POLLUTION YOU CAN'T TELL. WE GET TO THE FENCE AND THROW OUR TOWELS OVER. I CLIMB UP AND OVER AND JUMP TO THE OTHER SIDE. KYLE FOLLOWS SUIT, ONLY WHEN HE JUMPS DOWN I HEAR THIS TEARING NOISE.
KYLE LANDS ON HIS FEET AND DOESN'T MOVE. HE'S VERY ASHEN-FACED AT THIS POINT AND THERE'S A LARGE TEAR IN HIS BATHING SUIT. A LITTLE RIVULET OF BLOOD IS TRICKLING DOWN HIS LEG.
"JESUS CHRIST KYLE!" I WHISPER FIERCELY. "ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"
KYLE PULLS HIS SWIMMING TRUNKS OPEN A LITTLE BIT AND TAKES A FEARFUL GLANCE DOWN. "DAVE... DAVE..." HE STAMMERS, "I THINK I CUT MY BALLS OPEN!!"
THIS IS NOT WHAT I NEED TO HEAR RIGHT NOW. KYLE STARTS MAKING LITTLE BLUBBING NOISES AND I THINK HE'S CLOSE TO CRYING. I NEED TO KEEP HIM FROM DOING THIS BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO WAKE UP THE CRAZY OLD LADY.
"KYLE" I HISS, "CAN YOU CLIMB BACK OVER THE FENCE?"
KYLE ISN'T EVEN LISTENING TO ME. HE'S STARING DOWN HIS SWIM SUIT AND STARTS SAYING "OH GOD DAVE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHOULD I JUMP IN THE POOL? SHOULD I JUMP IN THE POOL?". HE'S GETTING PROGRESSIVELY LOUDER SO OUT OF DESPERATION I SAY "YES!" IN HOPES THAT HE'LL BE TOO PREOCCUPIED BY SWIMMING TO REMEMBER TO CRY.
KYLE JUMPS INTO A POOL AND IT'S PROBABLY ABOUT A MILLISECOND BEFORE HE HITS THE WATER THAT I REALIZE IT'S PROBABLY VERY HEAVILY CHLORINATED AND IT MIGHT STING A LITTLE BIT. WHICH IT EVIDENTLY DOES. KYLE EMERGES FROM THE WATER SCREAMING LIKE A STUCK PIG. THIS IS ENOUGH FOR ME. I THROW MY TOWEL BACK OVER THE FENCE AND CLIMB BACK OVER TO SAFETY AS AN UPSTAIRS LIGHT IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HOUSE TURNS ON.
ONCE AGAIN I JUST KIND OF LEAVE KYLE FOR DEAD AND QUIETLY CRAWL BACK INTO THE TRAILER AND GO TO BED. LATER THAT NIGHT I'M WOKEN UP BY SCUFFLING NOISES, AND I UNLOCK THE DOOR. KYLE HOBBLES IN AND LIES ON HIS BUNK. I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE HE'S WEARING AN ADULT DIAPER.
"WHAT IN GOD'S NAME HAPPENED TO YOU?" I ASK IN ASTONISHMENT.
KYLE KIND OF LETS A TIRED SIGH ESCAPE FOR HIM AND LOOKS SADLY INTO THE CORNER OF HIS BUNK: "THAT OLD LADY.. SHE PUT IODINE ON MY SACK. IODINE, DAVE." HE LOOKS UP AT ME AND DESPITE THE POOR LIGHTING I CAN SEE THAT HIS EYES ARE VERY RED AND HE APPEARS TO HAVE AGED CONSIDERABLY. KYLE CONTINUES: "AND THEN, BECAUSE MY BATHING SUIT WAS RIPPED, SHE MADE ME WEAR THIS." KYLE POINTS DUTIFULLY AT THE ADULT DIAPER DRAPED AROUND HIS WAIST. "I HAD TO WAIT HOURS BEFORE I HAD ENOUGH CONFIDENCE TO RUN BACK HERE. THANK GOD I DIDN'T RUN INTO ANYONE I KNOW" HE CONCLUDES WITH A BIT OF A SNIFF.
"WELL AT LEAST YOU'RE BACK HERE AND YOU CAN CHANGE" I BEGIN, BUT KYLE IS ALREADY ASLEEP.
THE NEXT MORNING KYLE'S DAD WAKES US UP AT 6AM FOR SOME SORT OF PANCAKE BREAKFAST, ONLY TO FIND HIS SON PRETTY MUCH NAKED EXCEPT FOR THE DIAPER. SINCE KYLE CAN'T TELL HIS DAD HE WAS IN THE POOL, HE TELLS HIS DAD INSTEAD THAT IT WAS A 'DARE', WHICH IS ALMOST JUST AS BAD IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
?
Originally posted by BarkerThat's insane.
ALRIGHT THIS ONE IS A LITTLE GROSS AND NOT THAT FUNNY, BUT STILL A STORY.SO KYLE AND I ARE GOING CAMPING WITH KYLE'S PARENTS. AND I USE THE WORD "CAMPING" LOOSELY, BECAUSE WITH KYLE'S FOLKS THAT SHIT TRANSLATES INTO A CEMENT PARKING LOT WITH RUNNING WATER AND ELECTRICITY AND ALL THE AMENITIES OF HOME. IT'S CAMPING FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE AFRAID OF THE GREAT OUTDOORS.
SO WE PULL OFF THE HIGHWAY, PAY THE 20 DOLLARS OR WHATEVER TO PARK UNDER THE TARP, AND KYLE'S DAD SETS UP HIS BIG TRAILER AS WELL AS THE LITTLE TRAILER KYLE AND I SLEEP IN. WE LOVE THIS THING. IT'S TINY AND COZY AND HAS TWO BUNKS AND A LITTLE CARD TABLE AND A BUNCH OF SNACKS. EVERYTHING WE NEED.
NOW OF COURSE THERE'S NO PLACE TO SWIM IN THE CONCRETE PARKING LOT SO WHAT THE KIDS ARE FORCED TO DO WHILE LAZY ADULTS WATCH THEIR PORTABLE TV'S AND COMPLAIN ABOUT 'ROUGHING IT' IS SNEAK OUT AT NIGHT, WALK ABOUT A KILOMETER TO THIS OLD LADY'S HOUSE, AND SWIM IN HER POOL.
BECAUSE THIS OLD WOMAN IS SO CLOSE TO THE CAMP SITE, SHE'S GOT AN EXTRA HIGH FENCE TO KEEP OUT THE KIDS. IT'S GOT TO BE ABOUT 12 OR 15 FEET HIGH. SO WHAT THE KIDS WOULD DO IS THROW THEIR TOWELS OVER THE FENCE, CLIMB OVER IT AND JUMP DOWN TO THE OTHER SIDE. IT WAS A BIT OF A FALL BUT AT LEAST YOU COULD SWIM. ALSO I SHOULD MENTION IT WAS ONE OF THOSE GREEN-DIAMOND FENCES THAT ARE BASICALLY WIRE COATED WITH GREEN PLASTIC. AT THE TOP OF THE CROSSBAR THE WIRES ARE CUT SO YOU HAVE ALL THOSE LITTLE POINTY BITS STICKING UP AND THAT'S THE SECOND BIGGEST DANGER OF THE NIGHT. THE BIGGEST DANGER IS, OF COURSE, THE OLD WOMAN WHO OWNS THE HOUSE. RUMOURS ABOUND THROUGHOUT CAMP ABOUT HOW SHE'S JUST THE MEANEST EVILIST CRAZY OLD LADY ALIVE AND SHE'LL SHOOT AT YOU WITH HER B.B. GUN OR PUT SPELLS ON YOU OR MAKE YOU WATCH OPRAH WITH HER OR WHATEVER SCARY STORIES KIDS CAN MAKE UP ABOUT HER.
SO ONE NIGHT KYLE AND SNEAK OUT AND RUN TO THE FENCE. I'D LIKE TO SAY IT WAS A STARRY NIGHT OUT BUT BECAUSE OF ALL THE LIGHT POLLUTION YOU CAN'T TELL. WE GET TO THE FENCE AND THROW OUR TOWELS OVER. I CLIMB UP AND OVER AND JUMP TO THE OTHER SIDE. KYLE FOLLOWS SUIT, ONLY WHEN HE JUMPS DOWN I HEAR THIS TEARING NOISE.
KYLE LANDS ON HIS FEET AND DOESN'T MOVE. HE'S VERY ASHEN-FACED AT THIS POINT AND THERE'S A LARGE TEAR IN HIS BATHING SUIT. A LITTLE RIVULET OF BLOOD IS TRICKLING DOWN HIS LEG.
"JESUS CHRIST KYLE!" I WHISPER FIERCELY. "ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"
KYLE PULLS HIS SWIMMING TRUNKS OPEN A LITTLE BIT AND TAKES A FEARFUL GLANCE DOWN. "DAVE... DAVE..." HE STAMMERS, "I THINK I CUT MY BALLS OPEN!!"
THIS IS NOT WHAT I NEED TO HEAR RIGHT NOW. KYLE STARTS MAKING LITTLE BLUBBING NOISES AND I THINK HE'S CLOSE TO CRYING. I NEED TO KEEP HIM FROM DOING THIS BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO WAKE UP THE CRAZY OLD LADY.
"KYLE" I HISS, "CAN YOU CLIMB BACK OVER THE FENCE?"
KYLE ISN'T EVEN LISTENING TO ME. HE'S STARING DOWN HIS SWIM SUIT AND STARTS SAYING "OH GOD DAVE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHOULD I JUMP IN THE POOL? SHOULD I JUMP IN THE POOL?". HE'S GETTING PROGRESSIVELY LOUDER SO OUT OF DESPERATION I SAY "YES!" IN HOPES THAT HE'LL BE TOO PREOCCUPIED BY SWIMMING TO REMEMBER TO CRY.
KYLE JUMPS INTO A POOL AND IT'S PROBABLY ABOUT A MILLISECOND BEFORE HE HITS THE WATER THAT I REALIZE IT'S PROBABLY VERY HEAVILY CHLORINATED AND IT MIGHT STING A LITTLE BIT. WHICH IT EVIDENTLY DOES. KYLE EMERGES FROM THE WATER SCREAMING LIKE A STUCK PIG. THIS IS ENOUGH FOR ME. I THROW MY TOWEL BACK OVER THE FENCE AND CLIMB BACK OVER TO SAFETY AS AN UPSTAIRS LIGHT IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HOUSE TURNS ON.
ONCE AGAIN I JUST KIND OF LEAVE KYLE FOR DEAD AND QUIETLY CRAWL BACK INTO THE TRAILER AND GO TO BED. LATER THAT NIGHT I'M WOKEN UP BY SCUFFLING NOISES, AND I UNLOCK THE DOOR. KYLE HOBBLES IN AND LIES ON HIS BUNK. I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE HE'S WEARING AN ADULT DIAPER.
"WHAT IN GOD'S NAME HAPPENED TO YOU?" I ASK IN ASTONISHMENT.
KYLE KIND OF LETS A TIRED SIGH ESCAPE FOR HIM AND LOOKS SADLY INTO THE CORNER OF HIS BUNK: "THAT OLD LADY.. SHE PUT IODINE ON MY SACK. IODINE, DAVE." HE LOOKS UP AT ME AND DESPITE THE POOR LIGHTING I CAN SEE THAT HIS EYES ARE VERY RED AND HE APPEARS TO HAVE AGED CONSIDERABLY. KYLE CONTINUES: "AND THEN, BECAUSE MY BATHING SUIT WAS RIPPED, SHE MADE ME WEAR THIS." KYLE POINTS DUTIFULLY AT THE ADULT DIAPER DRAPED AROUND HIS WAIST. "I HAD TO WAIT HOURS BEFORE I HAD ENOUGH CONFIDENCE TO RUN BACK HERE. THANK GOD I DIDN'T RUN INTO ANYONE I KNOW" HE CONCLUDES WITH A BIT OF A SNIFF.
"WELL AT LEAST YOU'RE BACK HERE AND YOU CAN CHANGE" I BEGIN, BUT KYLE IS ALREADY ASLEEP.
THE NEXT MORNING KYLE'S DAD WAKES US UP AT 6AM FOR SOME SORT OF PANCAKE BREAKFAST, ONLY TO FIND HIS SON PRETTY MUCH NAKED EXCEPT FOR THE DIAPER. SINCE KYLE CAN'T TELL HIS DAD HE WAS IN THE POOL, HE TELLS HIS DAD INSTEAD THAT IT WAS A 'DARE', WHICH IS ALMOST JUST AS BAD IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
?
And in reply to your question in your sig: three.
Originally posted by TheKingofKINGS!
That's insane.And in reply to your question in your sig: three.
The thread just reminded me of it.
http://board.vivalavinyl.org/?func=topic&id=51880&r=309
Thorinn, you, and I?
Originally posted by BarkerYes, thorin, you, and I.
Didn't happen to me. 13The thread just reminded me of it.
http://board.vivalavinyl.org/?func=topic&id=51880&r=309
Thorinn, you, and I?
That's still insane.