The Pacifier Review
by Susan Granger (ssg722 AT aol DOT com)March 5th, 2005
Susan Granger's review of "The Pacifier" (Walt Disney Pictures)
Vin Diesel is the hook here. Known as a buff-and-tough action-adventure hero, he meets his match when he's recruited as a reluctant baby-sitter for an out-of-control brood.
As the story begins, U.S. Navy SEAL Shane Wolfe (Diesel) is assigned to rescue a kidnapped government scientist who has invented a super-secret new weapons system called GHOST. When the scientist is killed on Wolfe's watch, his widow (Faith Ford) goes to Switzerland to investigate the contents of her late husband's safety deposit box. That leaves hard-nosed, highly disciplined Wolfe in charge of five unruly kids. There's a fearless, rebellious teen (Brittany Snow of "American Dreams"), a sullen adolescent (Max Thieriot of "Catch That Kid"), an eight year-old Ninja-in-training (Morgan York of "Cheaper By the Dozen"), a toddler (Logan and Keegan Hoover) and an infant (Bo and Luke Vink). Plus Helga (Carol Kane), the family's opinionated Romanian nanny and the kids' school principal (Lauren Graham of "Gilmore Girls") who becomes Wolfe's love interest - and a lunkheaded vice-principal (Brad Garrett of "Everybody Loves Raymond") who foolishly challenges the unconventional commando to a wrestling match.
In the pitch meeting, this may have sounded like a classic Disney comedy about a muscle-bound loner who learns the poignant meaning of family, trading in his bayonet for a baby-bottle. But that's not the way it turns out. The disjointed, cliché-filled screenplay by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant is sloppily directed by hapless Adam Shenkman ("The Wedding Planner") who mistakes hyperactivity for comedy. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, "The Pacifier" thuds to a stupid, infantile 2. Even the most basic sit-com slapstick needs a story.
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