Shallow Hal Review
by Rose 'Bams' Cooper (bams AT 3blackchicks DOT com)November 13th, 2001
'3BlackChicks Review...'
SHALLOW HAL (2001)
Rated PG-13; running time 114 minutes
Genre: Comedy
Seen at: Celebration Cinema (Lansing, Michigan)
Official site: http://www.shallowhalmovie.com/
IMDB site: http://us.imdb.com/Details?0256380
Written by: Bobby and Peter Farrelly, Sean Moynihan
Directed by: Bobby and Peter Farrelly
Cast: Jack Black, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jason Alexander, Tony Robbins, Susan Ward, Joe Viterelli, Sasha Neulinger
Review Copyright Rose Cooper, 2001
Review URL: http://www.3blackchicks.com/bamsshallowhal.html
If there ever was a movie that proves the theory that most flicks blow their metaphorical wads in their trailers these days, SHALLOW HAL is surely it. If you've seen the trailer for SHALLOW HAL, save yourself some dough and time in line, because you've seen the best parts of the movie.
Which isn't saying much.
THE STORY (WARNING: **spoilers contained below**)
In a state of delirium on his death bed, the Rev. Larson told his chubby nine-year-old son Hal (Sasha Neulinger) to promise not to settle for "average, routine poontang"; to go after a classic beauty and leave the rest alone. Hal promised his father that he would - and, the "grown-up", and still rather chubby Hal (Jack Black) does exactly that. Hal and his Sidekick, Mauricio (Jason Alexander) hunt the clubs in town, looking for Ms. Right(Now). True to his promise to Dear Old Dad, Hal will accept no less than outer Perfection.
A chance meeting changes all that for Hal. He gets on an elevator with Professional Motivator Tony Robbins (Tony Robbins), who Opens Hal's Eyes to the Beauty That's Inside Us All; even us fat, plain chicks. Much to Mauricio's horror, Hal hooks up with Rosemary (Gwyneth Paltrow), who Mauricio and the rest of the world sees only as a 300-pound woman - but in his unbrainwashed state, Hal sees as the Perfection he's been seeking.
Will Hal wake up from his spell and see Rosemary as the rest of the world sees her? Will Hal learn the meaning of Troo Love and choose her anyway? Are you kiddin' me - isn't this The Movies?
THE UPSHOT:
SHALLOW HAL proves, once again, that it takes more than a big butt and a smile to make comedy work. The Farrelly's wanted to have it both ways - trying to be Sensitive about the Weight-Challenged (by attributing Cruelty Toward Animals to simplistic immaturity, and providing the audience with a sappy ending), while at the same time slingin' Fat around like there's no tomorrow - and failed in the attempt. At least the Farrelly's reined in their usual Mass Stupidity; though if SHALLOW HAL is the shape of things to come for them, maybe less is, indeed, more.
Nothing to see here, folks; SHALLOW HAL added nothing to the comedy genre that wasn't already done much better, and much less tediously, elsewhere. "You're dancing with an ugmo!". Ooh, high-school taunts. Funnee. "Well, I love her anyway!". Wow. Deep. "And *you're* overcompensating for a small brain and an even smaller dick by putting others down!". Yeah. That's telling him. "All Fat, Ugly chicks are Good and Noble and Gooey on the inside, nyah!". Deliver unto me a break, sheesh.
Yawn...next!
THE TRUTH, RUTH:
Now allow me to be a bit shallow here myself, for a sec.
Set aside, for a moment, the rampant stereotypes about what this society deems as ugly and beautiful, and the blatant hypocrisy inherent in stating that Beauty Is Only Skin Deep while at the same time only providing Skin Deep examples of that same Beauty as the personification of True Inner Wonderfulness.
Forget all of that for now, because I just want to know one thing: when is Hollyweird gonna stop trying to feed us the notion that Trolls of the male persuasion - no matter how plain, or out-of-shape, or weird-looking they are - will always, *always*, get the pencil-thin, SuperModel, Warm Place To Put It?
Look, I don't have anything against Jack Black, or Nicholas Cage, or any number of guys who - let's be honest, shall we? - wouldn't get any Play if they didn't have the title "Movie Star", or especially "*Rich* Movie Star", in front of their name. But...come on now. And Jason Alexander's character, turning down a Warm Place because of a jacked-up toe? Hookay...I guess that's no less believable than the notion that he'd get that Warm Place in the first place.
At least the Jill character's hoochie act - chasing a previously-unwanted man when he suddenly became unavailable - was true to form. Am I saying that chicks can be shallow, too? Ya betcha. Not that I'd know, of course; I married the first man I ever dated. Freckles, empty wallet, 'n all.
BAMMER'S BOTTOM LINE:
I'll give them one thing: the Farrelly Brothers didn't make SHALLOW HAL into Yet Another Grossout/Teen Movie. Too bad they didn't make SHALLOW HAL funny, though.
SHALLOW HAL (rating: yellowlight):
At least the Brothers Farrelly practice truth-in-advertising: this flick is as Shallow as they come.
Rose "Bams" Cooper
Webchick and Editor,
3BlackChicks Review
Entertainment Reviews With Flava!
Copyright Rose Cooper, 2001
EMAIL: [email protected]
http://www.3blackchicks.com/
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