Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones Review
by Robin Clifford (robin AT reelingreviews DOT com)May 16th, 2002
"Star Wars: Episode II ? Attack of the Clones"
It's that season once again, about every three years, when the industry that is known as George Lucas spawns another installment in the never-ending saga that is "Star Wars." This time around, former queen, now senator, Padme Amidala (Natalie Portman) is the subject of an assassination attempt. She is put under the protection of Jedi knight Obi-wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) and knight-in-training Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) and they must travel the galaxy and fight evil in "Star Wars: Episode II ? Attack of the Clones."
I'm not even going to bother giving a summary of the story. Those who care know what it's about anyway. For those that don't know, pick up a magazine. Everything from Time to Entertainment to, probably, Playboy have the faces of Anakin, Padme, Yoda and the rest and copious coverage of every nuance of the making of, starring in and analysis of all aspects of "Clones."
For me, I wish I had a flashlight and a good book to wile away the hours that lead up to the expected top notch F/X. Lucas, with co-scripter Jonathan Hales, has cobbled together a pretty mundane story that takes far too long to get to the obvious point. Along the way, there is the unimaginative direction, wooden dialog and misused talent that is marginally better that "Episode 1." (I can't believe I gave that turkey a B+.)
Ewan McGregor does yeoman's work and tries his darnedest to inject some humor and life into Obi-wan but is hamstrung by the stilted script. Natalie Portman gets to do more action stuff but doesn't show any spark at all. Hayden Christensen, whom I liked in "Life As a House," is merely a petulant, demanding, spoiled little snot that you want to go over to the dark side ? he's certainly a stick in the mud as a good guy. Please. (Note that ever time Anakin doesn't get his way, the sinister "Darth Vader Theme" plays over the scene. Samuel L. Jackson better be getting a good pay check out of this because he is not doing anything for his acting career. Christopher Lee fares best in another perf as an evil magi, Count Dooku. The best characters are the computer generated ones, especially Yoda and the rulers of the planet Camino ? a race that is an elongated version of the well know Earthly image of an alien being.
"Episode II" is really just an excuse to make more money for George before we get to the real reason for this whole prequel series ? to see Anakin become our beloved Darth Vader. Even I, not exactly a fan of Lucas or his movies, think that Vader is one of the great film villains of all times. "Episode III," I anticipate. For me, "Episode II" is superfluous and a waste of my time (mileage may differ for you) except for the spectacular effects.
There are good bits to this latest bit of George Lucas hokum, but they are all on the techie side and, with a few exceptions, it takes about 110 minutes to get to most of them. The fans will have their appetites whetted with a future (past? Oh, yeah. In a galaxy far, far away and all that crap) inner city space chase that is virtually a collision of "Blade Runner" and "The 5th Element." The last half hour is a terrific presentation of special F/X magic with a bigger than "Ben Hur" gladiatorial contest that abounds with wild and mean creatures that our heroes must thwart. Then there is the spectacle of the big battle (it is, after all, the attack of the clones) that will be the reason for repeat business from the SW fanatics out there.
One good thing about being a film critic is that I can get to see the blockbusters without dealing with the huge crowds, which there will be. The only question I have: Will it beat "Spider-Man's" boffo box office?
One final bit of advice to Mr. Lucas: George, hire a real director and good writers for the next installment, please. I give "Episode II" a C.
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