The Amityville Horror Review
by Steve Rhodes (Steve DOT Rhodes AT InternetReviews DOT com)April 26th, 2005
THE AMITYVILLE HORROR
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2005 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): *
"There are no bad houses, just bad people," George Lutz (Ryan Reynolds) tells the rest of his family. "Houses don't kill people," he also advises. "People kill people." Wanna bet?
In the schlocky THE AMITYVILLE HORROR, George and his wife Kathy (Melissa George, a generic blonde actress) buy a house that is so cheap that they figure there must be a catch. When pressed to reveal the truth, the real estate agent downplays the fact that a similar family to theirs died in the house. It's seems that the dad went psycho, killing the rest of the family since he decided they were demons. The movie, which has the audacity to brag in the opening credits that it is "based on a true story," is a remake of a 1979 film. I never saw the original, and this version certainly did not motivate me to view it for comparison.
The movie uses all of the standard horror movie tricks. Horrible images appear suddenly, as the silence is pierced by loud screams and scary music. But, unless this is your very first horror movie, you are much more likely to be bored to death than scared to death. I kept waiting and hoping that it would become laughably bad, but it never does. Instead it just runs out the clock until it finally lets the audience escape its long, mindless moments. Only in a briefly funny episode involving a sexy babysitter, who turns out to have worked for the previous owners of the house, does the movie ever entertain in the slightest.
THE AMITYVILLE HORROR runs way too long even at just 1:26. It is rated R for "violence, disturbing images, language, brief sexuality and drug use" and would be acceptable for most teenagers.
The film opens nationwide in the United States on Friday, April 15, 2005. In the Silicon Valley, it will be showing at the AMC theaters, the Century theaters and the Camera Cinemas.
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