The Amityville Horror Review

by Jerry Saravia (faust668 AT msn DOT com)
October 14th, 2006
THE AMITYVILLE HORROR (2005)
Viewed by Jerry Saravia
RATING: One star

I wish I could simplify and say this horror remake plainly bites the big
one, or that it merely sucks. But brevity would be giving this movie
some sort of undeserved status amongst fans of truly awful cinema.
This 2005 remake of 1979's "The Amityville Horror" deserves better
than a disposable, putrid version of "The Shining."

Laughably based on a true story by Jay Anson that has since been
debunked time and again (and considering the real Lutzes objected
to this remake), bearded George Lutz (Ryan Reynolds) and Kathy
Lutz (Melissa George) move into a new, spacious house in good
old Amityville for a bargain price. And, wouldn't you know, the
realtor tells the Lutzes after making the sale that a series of
murders, involving the DeFeo family, occurred in that house
with the dreaded eye attic windows! Oh, my! Of course the
parents don't tell their kids yet the youngest of the bunch sees
the spirit of the murdered girl! And suddenly George gets headaches,
bursts a blood vessel in his right eye, swings an axe with great abandon
in front of his stepkids, and finds that the warmest place in the house
is the basement. Incredibly, George Lutz appears nuttier than Jack Torrance.

This movie is so underwritten that we have to accept on faith that
George owns a construction company because he drives a truck
with the company's logo on it! Mostly, he mopes around the house
and has an affinity for his motorboat. The wife does the shopping
and takes care of the kids so you may ask, who the hell works in
this household? The real story is that the Lutzes moved out of
Amityville after 2 weeks, primarily because George was broke and
couldn't afford the mortgage. Everything else about the "true
story" is entirely suspect.

The original "Amityville Horror" was nothing special but it did
contain a few chilling scenes. Remember the black ooze from the
toilet? How about the Red Room? In this movie, there is only
one moment that truly chills the bone. It involves the babysitter
who frightens the kids with stories of the DeFeo family murders.
The babysitter gets trapped in the closet and bangs the door
until her knuckles bleed. We saw this in the original, too, but it
is the only scare in this movie. Mostly we have the customary
split-second cuts of blood-drenched demons (in this case,
Native Americans), blood dripping from walls and not much
more to distinguish it from the normal horror fare.

The house doesn't look ominous. The acting and frantic cuts
are by the numbers. There is no sense of atmosphere or
location or even a population in town (if this is Amityville, it
shouldn't look like Nowheresville). And poor Philip Baker Hall
as the priest is clearly in it for the paycheck. Everyone else
should have taken the warning from the house's ghosts: Get out!

For more reviews, check out JERRY AT THE MOVIES at:
http://www.jerryatthemovies.com/

BIO on the author of this page at:
http://www.geocities.com/faustus_08520/index.html

Email me at [email protected] or at
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