The Fountain Review
by Steve Rhodes (Steve DOT Rhodes AT InternetReviews DOT com)November 18th, 2006
THE FOUNTAIN
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2006 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): 0
Pretentious, preposterous and painfully bad, THE FOUNTAIN is by far the worst film in an atrocious year. Slow, ponderous and clumsy, the movie is so awful that your trip to the concession stand or the restroom will likely be the only enjoyable part of your evening at the movies.
Playing like a cross between a music-free version of the rock opera TOMMY, a spoof of the opera "Siegfried," and a "Seinfeld" takeoff on THE LORD OF THE RINGS, the movie makes BATTLEFIELD EARTH look downright profound and comprehensible in comparison. At least BATTLEFIELD EARTH almost encouraged you to laugh at it, but, in contrast, THE FOUNTAIN takes itself deadly seriously, even if a reoccurring image has a bald Hugh Jackman in a Buddha-pose floating in space in a big plastic bubble.
Written and directed by Darren Aronofsky, the film not only defies logic, it also creates such bizarre characters that you'll have no interest in trying to fathom its unfathomable mysteries. Jackman and Rachel Weisz star as a pair of characters who exist simultaneously in three different timeframes, each separated by a half a millennium. At least I think that is what was happening. Then again, maybe they were characters in a video game, whose manual they forgot to include with the press notes. I'm not against mystical movies; I am usually willing to take huge leaps of faith if the movie deserves it; and I thought Aronofsky's REQUIEM FOR A DREAM, his previous picture, was one of the best of the year in 2000. Still, there is nothing in THE FOUNTAIN that deserves our respect or attention.
Weisz is sometimes a girl named Izzi, who is dying of a tumor. At other times she is the Queen of Spain during the Inquisition. Jackman is sometimes Izzy's husband Tommy, a doctor who is treating a sick monkey with bark from the tree of life. Sometimes Jackman is a character who is trying to kill the Grand Inquisitor, and other times he is off to the Mayan jungle, where he stabs priests who get in his way. None of these characters are as unintentionally funny as when Jackman tries to play his Buddha version of the BOY IN THE PLASTIC BUBBLE. Did I mention yet that Izzi wants her husband to finish her book about the fountain of youth?
My audience sat in stone silence, staring in disbelief at this monstrosity. Afterwards, the impromptu reviews in the hall weren't kind, as people could not believe how bad the movie was.
My wife thinks the movie wasn't just bad. She thinks it may be the worst movie that she has ever seen in her entire life. I wouldn't go that far. I just say that it is one of the worst ever.
THE FOUNTAIN runs a painfully long 1:36. It is rated PG-13 for "some intense sequences of violent action, some sensuality and language" and would be acceptable for kids around 10 and up.
The film opens nationwide in the United States on Wednesday, November 22, 2006. In the Silicon Valley, it will be showing at the AMC theaters, the Century theaters and the Camera Cinemas.
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Originally posted in the rec.arts.movies.reviews newsgroup. Copyright belongs to original author unless otherwise stated. We take no responsibilities nor do we endorse the contents of this review.
