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My kinda nooby story...
Started by: Waterslicer

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Waterslicer
Creator of Acromantula

Gender: Male
Location: Hogwarts cellar

My kinda nooby story...

Hello fellow ... things, and welcome to my almost nooby harry potter story. Today, for all the little kids, there is a song called jack and jill.

The fall of the dark lord
Chapter 1- The horcrux.

Coming soon!


__________________
Nobody is perfect. I am nobody. Therefore I am perfect.

Old Post May 10th, 2006 10:42 AM
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Waterslicer
Creator of Acromantula

Gender: Male
Location: Hogwarts cellar

Screams… A dark figure…Snape…Snape!
A young man with an unnatural scar on his forehead woke with a start, sweating in his bed.
“Ruzzvup?” Another, red haired boy scrabbled around under his pillow, then snores filled the room again.
Scowling, Harry Potter tried to sleep again until dawn, where, hopefully he would be able to say his goodbyes to his friends, and most importantly (his heart thumped wildly) Ginny Weasley, his best friend’s sister.
Tossing and turning, he soon decided against it. He gulped down some water which could have been a day old, he no longer cared. Crack. He swore under his breath as a dirty old house elf landed on his toes. “Kreacher!” He shouted. Kreacher, feigning deafness, stepped on his bed, oozing muck. Slapping Ron hard, Harry tried to pull him out of the door, then realizing he was no longer at Hogwarts. Crack. What was Kreacher doing?
It was then that he saw the green potion dissolving into a cup of water beside Ron, had obviously woken up. “Get this- thing of me!” he shouted, panting and reaching for the cup.
“Ron, NO!!!” But even as he said the last two syllables, Kreacher disapparated, and Ron, yawning in relief, tipped the contents of the cup down his throat.
He stared into space for a moment, then abruptly pushed Harry out of the way.
Harry, stung by his best friend’s weird behaviour shouted “Petrificus Totalus!”
His brain filled with all types of questions, he dragged the limp body into the Gryffindor common room.
It was completely empty, the fire out and not a sound emanated from any object.
The silence was unnatural…
Ron groaned. Harry looked behind him and saw a glass of some silver mist, swirling inside, sitting on the main table with a lable on it saying “Drink me”
“ What the heck is going on!!!” he yelled.
Nothing answered.
Swearing repeatedly, he heaved the body onto his shoulder and proceded to Proffessor Slughorn’s room.


__________________
Nobody is perfect. I am nobody. Therefore I am perfect.

Last edited by Waterslicer on May 10th, 2006 at 11:11 AM

Old Post May 10th, 2006 11:02 AM
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Swirly Girl
Antediluvian

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

This is just fairly rubbish....

Old Post May 11th, 2006 05:17 AM
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Waterslicer
Creator of Acromantula

Gender: Male
Location: Hogwarts cellar

ok, ok, so i'm not the perfect storymaker, but it'll improve!

noo, don't leave me and my story...
nooooo.....
I beg u....
sad


__________________
Nobody is perfect. I am nobody. Therefore I am perfect.

Old Post May 11th, 2006 07:53 AM
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Waterslicer
Creator of Acromantula

Gender: Male
Location: Hogwarts cellar

Ok, it would help me be a little more calm if everyone could do the thing in the story "the forbidden forest", not copying or anything, but i'm no good writer, even though i really want this story to continue.


__________________
Nobody is perfect. I am nobody. Therefore I am perfect.

Old Post May 11th, 2006 08:28 AM
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Barker
hello

Gender: Male
Location:

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Swirly Girl
This is just fairly rubbish....

no expression


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ok im back whaddup fellas

Old Post May 11th, 2006 09:23 PM
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Waterslicer
Creator of Acromantula

Gender: Male
Location: Hogwarts cellar

...
Please don't be mean!
bunny
I throw myself at your royal mercy
no
You can torture me, but don't be mean....
doctor


__________________
Nobody is perfect. I am nobody. Therefore I am perfect.

Old Post May 12th, 2006 08:12 AM
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iluvhp1_7
Fourth Year

Gender: Female
Location: Gryffindor Girls Dormitory

then why don't you get someone else to write if your not good. Cuz this is just complete rubbish!


__________________

Take what you can from
your dreams, make them
as real as anything
-Dave Matthews

Old Post May 12th, 2006 06:24 PM
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Loli-Popster
Your a Naughty Child

Gender: Female
Location: In candyland. Idiot.

quote: (post)
Originally posted by iluvhpsomuch1_7
then why don't you get someone else to write if your not good. Cuz this is just complete rubbish!


that's a bit cruel...i've read stories that are way, way worse than this.

I'm just confused when and where it is...6th year? 7th? Hogwarts? a dream? What's with Kreacher?


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Old Post May 12th, 2006 11:37 PM
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SweetMagnolia17
making it count

Gender: Female
Location: the middle of nowhere.

don't be so mean guys. The first couple posts that i wrote for my first story was completly rubbish as well, give him some time, he'll get better along the way. if you dont have anything nice to say dont say it at all. give constructive criticisim.


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thanks melane!

R.I.P Lance Cpl. Brandon J. Van Parys

Old Post May 12th, 2006 11:50 PM
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Waterslicer
Creator of Acromantula

Gender: Male
Location: Hogwarts cellar

Thanks!


__________________
Nobody is perfect. I am nobody. Therefore I am perfect.

Old Post May 13th, 2006 03:41 AM
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Namine Etoile
Save us from Ourselves

Gender: Female
Location: Bayuex, France

Good start. You might want to add more details. Uh. Natasha says she's falling in love with everybody on the sight. Boys only of course. What a zigorot. Gosh.... Oh. And she kiffe your story. (She digs your story)


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Our one Goal in life. World Domination.

Old Post May 14th, 2006 04:08 PM
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Waterslicer
Creator of Acromantula

Gender: Male
Location: Hogwarts cellar

Chapter 2
“Surprise!” There was an instant roar of voices and Harry was seized onto the many pairs of hands that had pulled him in.
Harry was momentarily stunned when he realized it was his birthday.
His heart raising considerably, he fought against the tide of people that were now frantically pulling him over to drink firewhisky, including Romilda Vane.
Harry took care to tread around the suspected love potion, seeking one person who was fixed into his mind: Ginny.
“Harry, M’boy!”
Harry dreaded facing the overgrown walrus that was now pulling him to a distant table, away from the party, but there wasn’t any way he could dodge a teacher, let alone one that had a iron-hard grip on his shoulder.
“Harry, you simply must see the banquet I’ve prepared! I must say, I’ve been lucky enough to get treacle pudding-your favorite, I assume?” Professor Slughorn said.
But Harry was already staring at some bushy brown hair, and red hair that had clearly not been shaven in a month, which were tangled together, tightly.
"Hermione?" Harry whispered.

Pretty short, but i'm not into long ones.
I haven't posted for a week because I went to Adelaide.


__________________
Nobody is perfect. I am nobody. Therefore I am perfect.

Last edited by Waterslicer on May 25th, 2006 at 08:35 AM

Old Post May 25th, 2006 08:28 AM
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Waterslicer
Creator of Acromantula

Gender: Male
Location: Hogwarts cellar

Did I add more detail?
Like all other stories, if you have any suggestions, please pm me

No, not post meridiem!


__________________
Nobody is perfect. I am nobody. Therefore I am perfect.

Old Post May 25th, 2006 08:30 AM
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Waterslicer
Creator of Acromantula

Gender: Male
Location: Hogwarts cellar

Should I make Hermione seem homersexual, by making the red-haired person Ginny, or should I not make them gay... yet, and turn the red haired fellow into Ron?
a difficult decision.....

I hate the title!


__________________
Nobody is perfect. I am nobody. Therefore I am perfect.

Last edited by Waterslicer on May 25th, 2006 at 08:35 AM

Old Post May 25th, 2006 08:33 AM
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Barker
hello

Gender: Male
Location:

quote: (post)
Originally posted by iluvhpsomuch1_7
then why don't you get someone else to write if your not good. Cuz this is just complete rubbish!

no expression

Really, That's not Nessecary.
quote: (post)
Originally posted by Waterslicer
Should I make Hermione seem homersexual, by making the red-haired person Ginny, or should I not make them gay... yet, and turn the red haired fellow into Ron?
a difficult decision.....

I hate the title!

Lesbians thumb up


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ok im back whaddup fellas

Old Post May 25th, 2006 05:43 PM
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Trickster
True KMC Jester

Gender: Male
Location: United Kingdom

And... It's not rubbish. It's pretty good. Longer posts, more depth, and a plot.

That's all you need. Nothing major about your writing style, though it would be good if you made it clear when your story is set.


__________________
"If clowns warred on monkeys, and the monkeys had guns, and were trained to use them, who would win?"

Death only gives another set of choices.

He who dies with the most toys. Still dies.

Old Post May 25th, 2006 06:32 PM
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Regulus A Black
Elder Mormon

Gender: Male
Location: United States

Ok, rubbish is a little bit harsh guys don't you think? I agree with trickster, go into more depth make them longer, and give it a plot, don't just stop with something, I'm totally lost what was the deal with kreacher. Here is my suggestion though, my bet is you are writing the story actually on the website. Try writing it in word first, better chance to make things longer more detail, and you don't have to rush it. You also will have the chance of having somebody review it. In my story that's what I do, and each chapter got progressively longer, as I went into more and more depth, although some were shorter just due to lack of material for that chapter. Anyway I'm gonna go work on my story. Yours is good but needs work. Keep going and explore more detail and don't trail off on things unless they are small and the resolution is irrelavent because most people will be able to figure it out, or there was no need to give a detailed resolution just that it was resolved, I want to know what was placed in the drink and what happened with it and by doing that you will have a wonderful story.


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Old Post May 25th, 2006 09:12 PM
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Waterslicer
Creator of Acromantula

Gender: Male
Location: Hogwarts cellar

I'm going to add what the "deal is" about Kreacher in the post after the next and I do type it in word, only i don't use it for long periods.
Just a little scribble for 10 minutes and i post.
anyway, a bit of the next post, coming later today.
* Hermione starts dating Ron
* Lavender chucks a firewhisky bottle at Hermione(U know why!)
* Harry has another prmonition from Trelawney
*The new charms teacher is revealed
*The new Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher is...stuck in a cliffhanger.
smile
U lose ur bet!
(pay me 100 bucks)
And nothing was in the drink, Ron was fine
didn't u read about him snogging Hermione?


__________________
Nobody is perfect. I am nobody. Therefore I am perfect.

Last edited by Waterslicer on May 26th, 2006 at 07:47 AM

Old Post May 26th, 2006 07:45 AM
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Trickster
True KMC Jester

Gender: Male
Location: United Kingdom

You still need to say when it's set.


__________________
"If clowns warred on monkeys, and the monkeys had guns, and were trained to use them, who would win?"

Death only gives another set of choices.

He who dies with the most toys. Still dies.

Old Post May 26th, 2006 12:25 PM
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