Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest Review
by Steve Rhodes (Steve DOT Rhodes AT InternetReviews DOT com)July 22nd, 2006
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2006 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): *
Have you ever made the mistake of getting on an amusement park ride which you realized that you hated and you wish that you had never bought a ticket for it in the first place? Now imagine your "adventure" taking two-and-a-half hours, which ended up feeling like over five. Well, welcome to PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST, an extremely tedious monster movie that has people flocking to the theaters to see it. As it breaks records in attendance, I cannot help but believe that many people were like us and felt cheated out of both their time and their money.
If you haven't seen it, you probably think I'm exaggerating. After all, the first one in the series, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL, was charming and fun. Well, the latest is bereft of both joy and humor. The original worked for two reasons -- it was an old fashioned pirate movie, and, more importantly, Johnny Depp created a pirate that we had never seen before. His Jack Sparrow was a lovable lush with a silly swagger. But we've seen that character, so the surprise factor is gone now. Moreover, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST isn't a swashbuckler. It's more of a video game movie, as it is filled with ghoulish CGI characters. Even the look of the picture is quite different. The latest is dark and dank with unappealing cinematography and sets.
Well, what about the story you ask? Which one? The movie has so many story lines -- none of which are the least bit appealing -- that one doesn't know where to start in describing them. What all of the various plots and subplots share is a complete lack of coherence, not that you'll ever care much. There is a beating heart hidden in a chest within a chest. There is the Flying Dutchman, filled with a computer-generated crew that sails the seas searching for souls. And, there are cannibals who worship Jack as a god and plan to eat him.
The expensive and elaborate set pieces are slapstick and boring. Every action sequence feels like it lasts forever.
This tiresome picture has so many endings that you begin to feel like it has morphed into GROUNDHOG DAY. Don't be surprised if you are inclined to burst into loud applause when the ending credits roll, since you'll feel like a convict with a 20-year sentence who has served all of his time and is finally free.
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST runs way, way too long at 2:30. It is rated PG-13 for "intense sequences of adventure violence, including frightening images" and would be acceptable for kids around 10 and up.
My son Jeffrey, age 17, gave it just one *. He wondered, "How could they take something so good and turn it into something so crappy?" He said that it didn't even feel like the original. He hated the new creatures. He found story too long and never found it believable. Giving a slightly better rating of **, his girlfriend Yasmin, age 16, said she had fun but the movie wasn't nearly as good as the first.
The film is playing in nationwide release now in the United States. In the Silicon Valley, it is showing at the AMC theaters, the Century theaters and the Camera Cinemas.
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