Fantastic Four Review
by Darren Provine (kilroy AT elvis DOT rowan DOT edu)July 11th, 2005
Mark Hamill once said that, while filming the original "Star Wars", he remarked about the lack of continuity. His character had just been sucked underwater by the creature living in the trash compactor, but now his clothes were dry and his hair was all perfect again. Harrison Ford replied "Hey, kid: it ain't that kind of movie."
This admonition applies equally well to superhero movies, including "The Fantastic Four". While they have some trappings of science fiction, such films belong to the realm of fantasy. Yes, it is ridiculous that the space station has huge open spaces (suitable for moving cameras and lights around) instead of being cramped, which is not realistic because they couldn't afford to waste the energy heating all that unused space, especially for a station that was apparently unoccupied at the start of the film. There is no attempt to explain the gravity on the space station by having it rotate, or deal with problems of conservation of matter and energy, any more than Harry Potter films try to explain why brooms can fly. It ain't that kind of movie.
The plot is a pretty predictable origin story: ordinary people are exposed to hocus-pocus Magic Science Thing, discover they have new and amazing powers, and (in an amazing coincidence) a villian just happens to be getting started at the same time and they are just the ones to stop him. In this case, however, the villain's motivations and goals are never made clear in any way that makes much sense, and that's a disappointment.
Also, the actions of some characters on discovering the results of their exposure to the Magic Radiation seem ridiculous. One immediately runs off to his fiancee, who recoils in horror at the character's new appearance. My first inclination would be to run off to a doctor. Another, whose new condition may be seriously harmful to any romantic partners, doesn't seem to think of this at all, let alone be bothered by it.
The point of a movie like this is that it's supposed to be fun. And while "The Fantastic Four" isn't bad, the origin story (and inevitable confrontation with the bad guy) aren't as much fun as those of other superhero movies. One thing you want in a film like this is to see something you've never seen before, but the visual effects here don't achieve that.
Bottom line: it's good dumb fun. The plot, the dialogue, and the characterization are all (unsurprisingly) at about the level of a comic book. If you liked these stories as a child, or if you just want to see a comic book instead of read one, you may enjoy this movie. (I saw it principaly because my companion watched "The Fantastic Four" as an animated cartoon when she was younger.) If you want smarter entertainment, you should probably look elsewhere.
[ Spoilers below ]
It may be somewhat disappointing that Johnny Storm ends the film no more mature than he began it, but then this may be how his character has been for many years (I am not familiar with the franchise). As some people do live just to have fun, and try to avoid learning any lessons from their experiences, it was refreshing to have a movie in which every character doesn't experience Important Personal Growth. Such growth is often demonstrated by having the character spout a few trite platitudes, which don't really add anything anyway. As with an explanation for the gravity on the space station, better to just skip it. No character growth at all is better than obviously stupid character growth.
If this were science fiction, one complaint that seems obvious for this movie and many others, but which is rarely mentioned, involves the problem of the Invisible Woman. If light passes through her, or is deflected around her, or whatever, how can she see anything? Light has to be absorbed by her retinas for her to see. If she's really completely invisible, then she's also blind. Others have to do with the Human Torch, whose body temperature is apparently in excess of the boiling point of water. (A nurse measures it in excess of 250F, and a heat-seeking missile locks on to him, ignoring incandescent light bulbs and assorted high-power lab equipment.) How does he drink his beer without it boiling away in the glass? How do all those groupies hang off of him without suffering first-degree burns? And aren't any of them concerned about what might happen during a moment of passion?
Oh well. It ain't that kind of movie.
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