reminds me of the Little Rascals XD
so i was woken up at 8 am, after i had finally gotten to sleep a mere three hours earlier, and told to get ready to go out to an interview. the same interview my sister went to yesterday, but now, doesn't want the job. we were supposed to split the hours, which would be good for when i have my surgery in a couple of months, she can take over until i can get better. but no. even after getting the job, she doesn't want it.
why the **** do people just hand her jobs? she got her first job at Dots (a clothing store), right after walking in and filling out the application and was immediately hired. ive applied to countless places in the past year, and have only gotten two interviews. this will be my third today. why? i ask you people WHY?! she's the one that always goes out at night cruising around with friends while i just sit here, not doing anything, just waiting for EVERYTHING. im two ****ing years older than her, why has she already experienced so much and i so little? why do people hate me? why can't people just accept me? it's so ****ing hard to have to sit here and watch everyone around me move on by, not paying me any attention at all. like im just a spot on the wall. that's how it's always been, that's how it'll always be.
why am i so self negative? this is why. because im jsut a ****ing stain on the wall that no one gives a shit about, and it's ****ing frustrating to be ignored my entire life. no one ever wants to be my friend. when they first see me, people take pity on me and try to talk to me, but once they see what i am, they go back to ignoring me.
sometimes i wonder if i should just end it all. it's not like anyone will notice. but no. im stupid enough to keep going because i love to hurt myself over and over and over again. i don't need razor blades or drugs or alcohol to hurt myself, i just need to keep on going and keep doing what im doing and i end up hurting more than any razor blade can do.
so this is my sad little life. i ****ing hate it, but it's mine.