Random Comments

Just saying man, you’re getting to that certain size where its wise to stop investing in jeans and start cornering the market on sweatpants.

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A self flushing toilet. What is this, the middle ages?

Get ahold of yourself, man. Solicit w. some dignity!

Oh dont be sad. Your parents, they can usually account for you.

Weird

Hey, dont blame me. Your Trophy Wife?
Participation.

My usual fee is $500, but seeing as its you...i’ll need an advance.

And if i ever feel lonely, i can look back at the stain on the kitchen counter, and think of you.

Your weird

So my therapist says im hallucinating.

I cant help but notice you arent clapping your hands.

Either you arent happy...

...or you arent showing it.

Of course, you could be happy...

...and just not know it.

So I told my friend id go see that kids movie with him. Then I canceled 2 and told him to find someone else. It wasn't interesting and I honestly did not want to watch it. So he calls me back and trys to convince me and I give in, says he will pay. Then I said yes but honestly I feel like I don't want to because I saw it already at home. It wasnt so great and I know ill see a movie with him at the end of the month EndGame. Has me questioning my friendship with him on how annoying he is. Truely I feel like turning off my phone.

You cant get whiplash, you’d have to have...a neck!

Yeah i stole it but, i can explain; its very valuable.

Wait, you can whistle from HOW many orfices? Well, thats a game changer.