hey, a dark lord needs to be entertained
ps visit http://www.geocities.com/i_destroyed_the_ring/funnyfaces
it did on mine, i always think that the sayin pictures speak more than words was naysay, words can make you laugh more so here we go
BEAUTY SALON
This story takes place in a beauty salon, after the War of the Ring. Gollum (who has changed his name to Emily, to fit his surroundings), is the only beautician on duty .
Gollum (whom we shall now remember as Emily): Ugh, I just HAVE to be the only one of duty today…Brenda just HAD to get married TODAY! Oh well…. There’s nobody
here yet…
Saruman walks in.
Saruman: I need to get my freakishly long nails done… Dude! Aren’t you supposed to be dead?
Emily: Yeah, but I got tired of being dead so I came here…*rolls his eyes*
Legolas walks in.
Legolas: *talking to himself* You know what? I think I’ll get a perm… NOT! Heh, not on my precious silky hair!.
Saruman: I hate Elves
Emily: Me too
Legolas: Stop, or I’ll stare at you!
Saruman: *mockingly* Ooh, I’m sooo scared
Legolas: *Stares*
Saruman: Okay, you can stop that now.
Legolas: *Stares*
Saruman: AUGH! STOP! PLEASE STOP! MY EYES!!!
Frodo walks in.
Frodo: Awww…. Leave the old dude alone, Legolas.
Legolas: *finally stops staring*
Saruman: What are you doing here?
Frodo: What? You think this curly hair is natural?
Sam walks in, panting for breath.
Frodo: Dang it! I thought I lost you.
Sam: *cries* I didn’t mean to be a bother, Mr. Frodo, if you follow me…*cries again*
Saruman, Emily, Frodo, Legolas: Oh shut up, Sam!
Pippin walks in.
Pippin: *with a thick, Scottish accent* What’s going on?
Gandalf walks in.
Gandalf: Fool of a Took! Wait… What is going on?
Legolas: *waving his arms everywhere, starting to panic* Oh my gosh! OH MY GOSH! OH MY FREAKIN GOSH!!!!!!!!! AUGH!!!!!!!!!
Everybody: What?!
Legolas: *looking in a mirror* I HAVE A SPOT ON MY NOSE!!!! AUGH!!!
Merry walks in, having heard the commotion.
Merry: Here, Legsi, come here and I’ll get it off.
Legolas walks over to Merry and bends over so that Merry can reach his face. Merry then produces a fistful of dirt from his pocket and smears it ALL OVER his face AND his precious hair!
Merry: *snickers* There, that should help.
Legolas: *thinking Merry had rubbed an ointment or facial cream on him, looks
into the mirror again* AUGH!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE YOU LITTLE SHRIMP! I’LL GET
YOU IF IT’S THE FIRST THING I DO!!! *runs crying into the bathroom*
Everybody bursts out laughing.
Sam: *scoldingly* Now, that wasn’t very nice, Mr. Merry
Everybody: Shut up, Sam!
Aragorn walks in.
Aragorn: I’m the King! Everybody bow to me!
Everybody bursts out laughing again. Aragorn, hurt by their laughter, sits down
Aragorn: *mumbling* Well, at least Legolas bows…. *then says louder* Say, where
is old Legsi, anyway?
Legolas then walks out of the bathroom with his face and hair all clean, except
for than dang spot.
Legolas: Hello, Friend! *he puts emphasis on the word ‘Friend’ as he looks
scornfully at the others*
Aragorn bursts out laughing, then between laughs, says: Legolas… You… have a …
a spot… on your nose!!! Hahahaha
Legolas: *starts crying again*
Gimli walks in.
Gimli: *with his gruff, dwarvish voice* Eh, hello Everybody! Legolas, you seem to have a spot on your nose!
Legolas: *glares*
Shadowfax walks in.
Shadowfax: Gandalf, you fool of a Wizard! You were supposed to meet me in Edoras a minute ago! Where have you been?
Gandalf: Oh, was that today? You don’t say…
Shadowfax: *glares at Gandalf, then turns and sees Legolas* He Elf, there’s a spot on your nose.
Legolas: Yeah… Well… You smell horrible!
Sam: Now children, don’t go quarreling now.
Everybody: Shut up, Sam! It’s just starting to get interesting!
Boromir walks in, practicing his lines.
Boromir: My Captain, My King! No, no… That’s not right… *then dramatically* My Captain, My King!
Saruman: Ok, I know you’re supposed to be dead.
Boromir: Oh, am I?
Pippin: No, they’re wrong, you’re alive.
Everybody: Fool of a Took!
Arwen walks in.
Arwen: *with a sickly sweet voice* Oh Hubby Dearest! Aragorn, won’t you come home and show me some more of your manly sword fighting moves?
Everybody stares at Aragorn, who is blushing bright red by now.
Arwen: Oh, and I need a ride home.
Shadowfax: I’ll give you a ride *winks at Gandalf*
Gandalf: *snickers*
Aragorn: Hey, wait a second…
Arwen and Shadowfax leave.
Legolas: Jest a reminder, I DON’T like the name ‘Legsi’.
Saruman: But it fits you so well, Legsi.
Merry: Ya know what? I think we should rename him ‘Spotsy’.
Everybody: Yeah! *then they all start laughing again, except for ‘Spotsy’, who is now crying again*
Arwen and Shadowfax return.
Arwen: I forgot to say, Legsi, you’ve got a spot on your nose! So now I’m prettier than you!
Legolas: NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Arwen and Shadowfax depart once again.
Anakin Skywalker walks in.
Anakin: Dudes! I need a haircut!
Everybody stares blankly at him.
Anakin: *looking at Gandalf* Dude! Aren’t you that really freaky old guy I’m supposed to beat up?
Gandalf: *glares*
Eowyn walks in.
Eowyn: *looking at Anakin* Hey Handsome! Can you ride a horse?
Anakin: *looks blankly at her* Save it honey, I’ve got a queen.
Aragorn: Hey! Me too!
Anakin: What’s a horse?
Pippin: Who are you?
Elrond walks in.
Elrond: I’m looking for Mr. Anderson, no wait, Mr. Baggins…
Anakin: Dude, who are you?
Elrond: I’m Agent Smith, no wait, Lord Elrond… Which movie am I in again?
Eowyn: Who are you? I haven’t met you…
*POOF!* Galadriel appears in the middle of the room.
Anakin, Eowyn, Elrond, Galadriel: *just noticing poor Legsi in the corner* Hey, you’ve got a spot on your nose!
Legolas: *looking at Galadriel* Sweet Lady of the Wood, couldn’t you get rid of this horrible spot?
Galadriel: Why should I rid the humor of all?
Everybody cracks up again.
Emily: Hey Gally, are ya here for your weekly facelift and makeover?
*POOF!* She leaves without answering.
The guy from “A Beautiful Mind” runs in.
Guy: Can you guys hide me? I’m being attacked by actors from Lord of the Rings!
Everybody except Anakin starts beating him up.
Guy: *runs out* AUGH!!!!
Orlando Bloom runs in.
Orli: Help! I think I have a spot on my nose!
Legolas: *stands up and stares at Orli*
Orli: *sees Legolas and stares back*
Frodo: Oh, kewl, that’s totally freaky.
Legolas and Orli, realizing that they both have spots on their noses, go and cry in a corner together.
Eomer and King Theoden enter.
Thedoen: *in a wannabe voice*Wuss up, dudes!
Emily: Oh don’t even try it. You’re old and you know it!
Sam: Now that’s not….*then he sees a look from Everybody* I know, I know ‘Shut up, Sam’.
Tom Bombadil comes in singing one of his songs, but stops when he sees Everybody.
Merry: Wuss up dude!
Tom: Not much, just comin here to kick it wit my fellas.
Theoden: What? I was better than that? *gets a look from Everybody* Ok, ok, maybe not.
Glorfindel walks in.
Eowyn, Eomer, Theoden: Who are you?
Glorfindel: You wouldn’t know, would you? I NEVER get the credit I deserve…argh…
Ethian walks in.
Everybody: Who in the world are you?
Ethian: Obviously, I’m me.
Everybody: duh! But who are you?
Ethian: I’m me.
Everybody: Whatever…
CrystalEye the horse walks in.
Everybody: Who are you?
CrystalEye: Whoops, wrong place, where’s the stables?
Pippin: *pointing toward the bathroom* Over there.
Emily: Hey!
Pippin: What?
Frodo: Look, a Nazgul!!!
Everybody: WHERE?!
Frodo: Not really, I just haven’t said anything in a while…
Aragorn: Nobody’s bowed to me yet.
Gimli: Get a life.
Sam: Be nice
Everybody: Shut up, Sam!
Eowyn: I need a boyfriend.
Faramir walks in.
Eowyn: You’ll do!
Faramir: Huh?
Faramir, Eomer, Theoden, Ethian, CrystalEye, Glorfindel, and Tom: Hey Legsi, you’ve got a spot on your nose!!! Wait, there’s two Legsi’s!
Merry: Wait! One of ‘em’s Spotsy!
Everybody laughs hysterically for a while.
The cast of Star Trek walks in.
Anakin: Hey, fellow kin, let us defeat this enemy while we are many!
Everybody: Huh?
Anakin: I don’t know, I’m just getting sick of ya’ll.
Star Trek ppl: Brother, let us leave these strange folk and their ways behind.
Anakin: Okey-doke!
Star Trek ppl: Hey Fairy-Guy, oh, and you too, ya’ll have spots on your noses! Hahaha
Star Trek Cast and Anakin leave.
Denethor walks in.
Denethor: Boromir! Did you break the palantir? I have warned you over and over again not to play with it!
Boromir runs to Emily (who, as you will remember, is Gollum).
Boromir: Is there another way outta here?
Emily: Yeah, in the back.
Boromir runs as fast as he can out the back door.
Denethor: *talking to Emily* Where’d those boys go?
Emily: *pointing to the front door* That way.
Denethor walks out the front door and leaves.
Denethor walks back in: By the way, Legolas, you and your friend have spots on your noses.
Denethor leaves again.
Orli: I think I’ll leave before anyone else sees me.
Orli leaves.
Queen Amidalla walks in.
Amidalla: Where is Anakin? I thought he was here getting a haircut…
Merry: *sees how pretty she is* Umm… I think he’s in the back, my lady, won’t you follow me to find him?
Frodo: Oh no you don’t…. *then speaking to Amidalla* he left with some freaky guys talking about a galaxy far, far away or something…
Amidalla: Oh not again… thanks anyway… oh, Elf, you have a spot on your nose.
Queen Amidalla leaves.
CrystalEye walks out of the bathroom.
CrystalEye: Ummm…. Nobody go in there, okay?
Everybody: EWWW!!!
Ethian: We better get out of here before they do… Let’s go CrystalEye!
Ethian rides CrystalEye out of the Salon.
Eomer and Theoden try to pry Eowyn away from Faramir, who is getting freaked out.
Faramir: Augh! Get her off me! Get her off me!
Eowyn: But you love me! You’ve GOT TO LOVE ME! Mwa ha ha…
Eomer: Come on, Sis, let’s go home…
Theoden: Haldir will be there.
Eowyn: Oooohhhh!!! *immediately lets go of Faramir and runs out the door*
As soon as Eowyn gets off him, Faramir runs out the back door.
Eomer and Theoden leave. Meanwhile, Gimli has fallen asleep on a waiting chair.
Pippin: Check it out! Gimli’s asleep!
Merry: Hehe, lets get some scissors and have some fun…
Sam: Oh no you don’t! This time, only Merry tells Sam to shut up.
Saruman: Listen to him! HAHAHAHA
Gimli: *mumbling in his sleep* Thank you, *sob*, I’d like to thank the academy and all my friends for this award… *sniff*
Everybody roars with laughter!
Gimli awakes, realized he must have been sleep-talking, and stands up.
Gimli: Shut up! Whatever I said, it must have been important! So remember and shut up!
Legolas: *thinks to himself* Well, at least the attention’s off me for a while.
Gimli: But look at Legsi, he’s got a worse problem than me!
Legolas: *glares*
Everybody agrees.
Then they all start laughing again!
Saruman: Well, now that my nails are done, I’ll go and create some havoc somewhere… Mwa ha ha….
Emily: First of all, work on your evil laugh.
Saruman: *glares at Emily* Bu-bye!
Saruman leaves with long, bright pink nails.
Frodo: I need to go home, before old Bilbo finds out I’ve left again. He freaks out at the slightest thing. *then with a smile* Course when he hears about Legsi, he’ll forget about everything else! Hahahaha…
Legolas: *still glaring*
Frodo leaves laughing.
Sam immediately follows.
For the next five minutes, they hear several ‘shut up, Sam!’s and some crying.
Then they can’t hear anymore. They crack up again.
Gandalf: I’d better go, since Shadowfax is still mad at me.
Shadowfax had been glaring at Gandalf the WHOLE time, and was now starting to stomp his hooves on the floor.
Gandalf: Good luck with the spot, Legsi! Hahahaha…
Gandalf rides Shadowfax out as quick as lightning.
Aragorn: Well, since I AM THE KING, I have KINGLY duties to do at home…
Merry: Yeah, *imitating Arwen’s voice* like showing some more of your manly sword fighting moves…
EVERYBODY laughs as hard as possible.
Aragorn leaves in a huff.
Pippin: I’d better go, Farmer Maggots mushrooms are ripe about now…I think. Have fun with your new friend, Legsi! *referring to the spot*
Legolas: *yes, he’s still glaring*
Pippin leaves.
Gimli: Well, I guess I’ll leave, good luck, Legsi! NOT! Hahahaha
Legolas: *guess what? He’s still glaring*
Gimli exits after hitting closed door while laughing at Legolas, making Legolas STOP glaring and start laughing.
Glorfindel and Tom Bombadil: Hidey-Ho, I guess we’ll go!
They laugh together as if they had just made some joke, but stop when they realize that Everybody is not laughing with them. Glorfindel and Tom leave. Elrond leaves after a few dry jokes about Legolas.
Merry: Well, Spotsy, I hate to leave ya so soon-
Legolas: That’s definitely all right!
Merry: But I’ll come see ya in a few days, don’t worry! *starts laughing*
Legolas: *starts glaring again*
Merry leaves.
Legsi/Legolas/Spotsy: Fine then, I’m leaving!
Emily, now the only one left, cracks up before saying goodbye.
Emily: Well! Alone at last! They are so annoying… Oh no!
Thirteen dwarves pop in the door(this is almost closing time, I should say) and demand hair and beard trims.
Emily: Well, a long day at the beauty parlor. I should remember today as ‘The Beauty Salon Gathering’. Heh, I think I will.
THE END
Originally posted by sauron
yeah mine was like that, what i do is, if i see a funny pic on the net, right click and go down to save as, then it saves it into the right file
yeah, i've been trying to find the ones that i've found, but I can't... and anyway, i am supposed to be working on my argentina project... but i'm procrastinating as usual.... 😄
This scene takes place before the War of the Ring in a hair salon in Rivendell. Gollum is looking for a job, because, come to find out, he didn’t make much money just sitting alone in dark mountain with just a stupid little ring… Gee, who woulda thought?
Gollum walks in looking very out of place. He sees a lady and goes over to her.
Gollum: Hi, umm… I’d like to apply for a job.
Hair Dresser: Do you like elves?
Gollum: No
Hair Dresser: Are you good with hair?
Gollum: Nope
Hair Dresser: Well, can you at least count money?
Gollum: Actually, I’m obsessed with it…
Hair Dresser: Perfect, sounds just like me, you’re hired! I’m going to take a lunch break, so you can take over for me now.
Gollum: Uh… ok
The hair dresser walks out. A second later, Legolas walks in wearing a HUGE hat.
Legolas: Can you keep a secret? I really need to get something fixed…
Gollum: Oh, sure, yeah. I’m known for being a great friend.
Gollum snickers to himself, though who knows why. Legolas blushes bright red, then takes off his giant hat to reveal that his perfect hair is all tangled! *GASP*!
Gollum: Okay, Dude, this is a hair salon, not a miracle handout shop. What happened to you?
Legolas: I got into a fight with… someone…
Gollum, staring blankly at Legolas: Who?
Legolas mumble something.
Gollum: What was that?
Legolas: Arwen, okay?! She said she was prettier than me, then I tried to hit her, but she was too fast… and then this happened. She’s not prettier than me, is she?
Gollum: She so is! And you are such a wimp!
Gollum starts cracking up. Legolas storms out with tears in his eyes, realizing that Gollum wouldn’t fix his hair until he stopped laughing, and that would be a LONG time.
Frodo then walks in.
Frodo: Why is Legolas crying and wearing that ridiculously large hat?
Gollum, who has just stopped laughing: Oh, HAHA, don’t even ask, whatcha here for?
Frodo: Oh, I need a pedicure.
Sam runs in.
Sam: And me too!
Gollum looks at their disgusting hobbit feet with disbelief.
Gollum: You’ve got to be kidding me. Sam, I can barely stomach looking at your feet, there’s no way I’m gonna touch em.
Sam: Hey! Well, Rosie like’s em at least.
Sam then gets this stupid look on his face.
Frodo: Ewww! She must really need help.
Gollum: That’s what I’m saying, man.
Sam: yeah! Wait, what?
Sam then realizes that he’s been insulted, so he goes and sits down with a superman comic book and reads it. Gollum turns back to Frodo.
Gollum: I maybe could manage a spiral perm, but I aint touchin those bug-filled slabs you call hobbit feet.
Frodo: Okey-doke, but I got all the bugs out yesterday.
Gollum: Oh that’s just sick!
Frodo sits in the chair while Gollum starts to work on his already way-too-curly hair. The Balrog walks in.
Balrog: Can I get my hair treated with heat?
Gollum looks at him, trying to decide if he’s serious or not.
Gollum: First of all, what hair? Next, you’re joking, right?
The Balrog looks confused.
Balrog: Well can I at least help dry the short dude’s hair?
Gollum: Sure, why not?
Suddenly, Frodo’s hair goes up in flames and the Balrog runs out laughing. OH NO! Frodo’s bald! Frodo has fallen asleep somehow, and Sam isn’t paying attention, so Gollum runs into the back and retrieves a curly wig, the only problem is… it’s hot pink! Gollum decided to use it anyways and just not let Frodo see a mirror before he left.
Gollum wakes up Frodo.
Gollum: There ya go, old buddy, all done.
Frodo: Thanks, I think I’ll come back next time I wanna get my hair done.
I bet not… thought Gollum.
Frodo: Come on, Sam, let’s go!
Sam is so enticed by the Superman comic book that he doesn’t even look up as he follows Frodo out the door, after hitting it because he’s not looking up.
While Gollum is laughing, the Witch King walks… well, sorta floats in.
Gollum: Ok, how in the world am I supposed to do your hair if you don’t have any?
W.K.: Oh, I have hair, you just can’t see it.
Gollum: And that’s supposed to help me how?
The Witch King stares blankly at Gollum until he realizes that Gollum’s not going to work on his invisible hair.
W.K.: Well? Aren’t you going to give me a perm?
Gollum: Dude, it would be kind of hard seeing as how I CAN’T SEE YOUR HAIR!
W.K.: Ohhhh, okay, so you have to see it to do it? I get it… I’ll go see if Legolas will do it, or maybe Arwen.
The Witch King has obviously had one too many drinks cuz he needed Gollum to point out the door for him. At the thought of Arwen and Legolas, Gollum starts laughing again. After the Witch King left, Gimli walked in.
Gimli: I need you to brush my beard.
Gollum: No way! There’s no telling what grows or lives in there.
Gimli: Don’t worry, Sally doesn’t bite.
Gollum was too freaked out to ask who or what Sally was. He handed Gimli a dog brush and could barely make himself watch as Gimli brushed his beard and things fell out.
Gimli: Oh… so there’s where my axe went, ok.
Gollum: Dude, that’s just so wrong.
After he finishes brushing his beard, Gimli leaves. Then Elrond walks in.
Elrond: Okay, I need my hair all spiffy for some secret council we’re supposed to have in Orthanc and not tell anyone about…
Gollum: And they let you lead a city?
Elrond: Huh?
Gollum: Nevermind.
Elrond realizes he’s been insulted.
Elrond: Auta Miqula Orqu!
Gollum: Like I know what that means.
Elrond: Lasto an nin lalaith
Elrond then cracks up.
Gollum: I’m not doing your hair, dude, cuz I can’t even understand you.
Elrond hits the closed door because he’s laughing so hard, then opens it and somehow slips and falls flat on his face… but he’s still laughing. He eventually gets up and walks away.
Gollum, mumbling to himself: He is such a freak
Gandalf walks in.
Gandalf: Do you know what he just said?
Gollum: Well, some sort of insult or something…
Gandalf: Uh-huh… anyways, I think I wanna cut my beard.
Gollum: Welp, here’s the scissors.
Gandalf: No, I want you to do it.
Gollum: Do what?
Gandalf: My beard
Gollum: What about it?
Gandalf stares at him and mumbles something in elvish.
Gollum: All right, all right, sit down.
Gandalf: Where?
Gollum hadn’t noticed before, but the Balrog had also taken the chairs up in flame with him.
Gollum: Uh… can’t you just go ‘poof’ and make something appear?
Gandalf: Oh yeah, hang on.
Gandalf does some weird dance and sings (terribly, I might add) an elvish song which makes three giant lizards appear out of nowhere.
Gollum: Couldn’t you just make some chairs?
Gandalf: Oh! Now you want chairs? huh! Well fine. Bulounian!
A nice chair appears and the lizards leave in a huff.
Gandalf fell asleep while Gollum started to work on his beard, and Gollum heard a noise outside. He turned around to see what it was, and accidentally cut Gandalf’s pointy wizard hat in half!
Gollum: Whoops!
Gandalf wakes up.
Gandalf: What?
Gollum: Nothing! Uh… you’re all done, yeah, that’s why I woke you up… ahem.
Gandalf: yeah, sure, whatever. Oh, by the way, am I getting old or did I see Frodo with pink hair?
Gollum laughs nervously.
Gollum: hehe.. umm… must be the old eyes, huh?
Gandalf: Right…
Gandalf leaves happily. Ooh, I’d better get out of here before he remembers his hat… Gollum thought to himself.
He went to the magic store next to the hair salon and found a wizard’s hat that looked just like Gandalf’s… except that it was hot pink!
Gollum, mumbling to himself: Why is it always pink? *then louder* Do you have something like this in gray?
Clerk, who happens to be Pippin: Yup
Gollum: Where is it?
Pippin: Where is what?
Gollum: Where’s this hat?
Pippin: In your hands
Gollum realizes that Pippin is a dope, and obviously won’t help him, so he buys the hat and some gray paint. He then dips the hat in the paint and lets it dry… but not fast enough.
Gandalf: Whoops, forgot my hat, heh.
Gollum, shakily: Umm… Here it is.
Gandalf: Why is it sticky?
Gollum: uhh… must’ve gotten hair spray on it or something.
Gandalf: That’s ok, I’ll wash it at Elrond’s house.
Gollum half smiles as Gandalf as he leaves. Just then, the hair dresser returned from her LONG lunch break, as soon as she walks in, Gollum runs for it.
Gandalf: GOLLUM!
Frodo: GOLLUM!
Sam: WHAT HE SAID! Wait…
Legolas: ARWEN!
Elrond is still laughing.
Arwen: HAHA! I’m prettier!
Hair Dresser: Huh?
Pippin: Hey Gandalf, guess what!
Gollum: Shut up, Pippin!
Gandalf and Frodo, with Sam lagging behind them, chased after Gollum while Legolas and Arwen get into another fight, which Arwen won, of course, and the Hair Dresser hires Pippin to replace Gollum. Wouldn’t you want Pippin to do your hair? And to this day, no one knows what became of Gollum, except that Gandalf and Frodo returned smiling, with Sam still looking confused, and a girl showed up who sounded remarkably like Gollum, but Gandalf said her name was Emily. Emily, however, just glared at Gandalf and Frodo for the longest time. What do you think happened? 🙂