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(LOTHO SACKVILLE-BAGGINS): "Hello, you've reached Lotho Sackville-Baggins Inc. If you would like to place an order for foodstuffs or pipeweed, press one and you will be put through to our sales department. If you have a complaint, press two and some large Men will come round to your hole and beat you up. If you are my Master, press three and you'll be put through to me, even if I'm in the bath. If you are not my Master and you press three, the aforementioned large Men will come round to your hole and beat you up..."

(LOTHLORIEN) "Hello, you have reached the Lothlorien Exchange. If you wish to proposition Galadriel, press one. If you are a Maybelline agent, press two and you will be put through to Haldir. If you want to know where Celeborn gets whatever it is he's on, hang up and don't call this number again. If you have a *special package* which you wish to send to Celeborn, press three. If you have another request, please hold and an operator will be with you shortly."

(Hobbiton): "Hello, this is Hobbiton Bakery! We have Hobbit sized loaves, for tiny Hobbit-sized Prices! This weeks special: Gimli Bread. Tough and crispy on the outside, soft and gooey on the inside!"

(ELROND): "This is Elrond's answering service. If you're calling to make fun of my crown, hang up now or you're going to get an Elven-earful!"

(THE WITCH KING): "You've reached the Witch-King, Lord of the Nazgul. If you have any information regarding `Shire' or `Baggins' please leave your name, your whereabouts, greatest fear and a brief message, and I'll be there promptly. Unless you're a woman. If you're a woman take me off your phone list and stop calling!"

Great thread Sauron 😄 😄 😛

poor Glorfindel 🙂

Awwwwwww man, Sauron found the page where I got it from U.U Oh well

Those are too funny!!!

sauron you got locked in ur room again!!??!! didn't you??

Sauron is the master of humor.

What were naughty thigns sauron did that we never heard about.
1. watered the white tree ( you know what i mean)
2. started the rumor about Sam & Frodo sexual life
3. keep making farting noisses during the Doom of Mordor
4. reveal the secret affair of Aragorn & Gandalf
5. reveal the secret affair of Legolas and Gimli
6. hacked into the Pentagon's mainframe.
7. post the beauty secret on Legolas on Cosmo.com
8. called George Lucus to directed the film
9. made the Mirthir bar for Eowyn
10. took away his eye drop

lol that is good!

Hey I found this thread and read it ..... I had forgot how much fun we use to have in here.... just wanted to bump it up and share my memories.....

i can not remember making this lol....

AWWWW I remember it.... I couldn't stop laughing at the answering machine messages...

This is classic.....

I LOVE the first page! LOL!! 😆

lol, I love it

hmm, i was just wondering how on earth this thread resurfaced.

Top 10 reasons to live in Mordor:

1)Excellent realastate available to residents looking to live in dark mountainy areas, with the word 'Doom' in their address.

2)Cloudy weather all year long

3)Active Volcano within walking distance from many orc encampments

4)because Sauron said so!😈

5)Plenty of neighbors...

6)Great health plan if you work for Sauron....("Fight for me-Live now..don't fight for me---Die now.)

7)A close community of orcs who are just waiting to have you over for dinner...sometime.

8)Convenient shopping(as long as your only shopping for armor, maggoty bread, or chain-mail)

9)Good Government(🙄 )

10)Because you just signed the contract😈

lol...this thread is great....🙂 hilariously funny 😛

Answering machine for Legolas (as much as i like Legolas, this one is funny):

(LEGOLAS): "Hi, you just reached Legolas' elven shampoo spa! if you have an appointment with our make-up artist, Haldir, please reschedule due to his upcoming plastic surgery on tuesday. if you are a dwarf who wants to help me learn how to count, plese reach the 'Legolas and Gimli's Math tutoring center', where you can count n' kill all the survivng orcs and goblins which Gimli and I collected together. thank You and leave your message after the giggle."

Originally posted by chucktaylor
Answering machine for Legolas (as much as i like Legolas, this one is funny):

(LEGOLAS): "Hi, you just reached Legolas' elven shampoo spa! if you have an appointment with our make-up artist, Haldir, please reschedule due to his upcoming plastic surgery on tuesday. if you are a dwarf who wants to help me learn how to count, plese reach the 'Legolas and Gimli's Math tutoring center', where you can count n' kill all the survivng orcs and goblins which Gimli and I collected together. thank You and leave your message after the giggle."

hysterical