calling all guys. advice needed.

ok ppl I know you havent heard from me in a long time but now I need your help.
guys,
us girls know you need affection the same way that we do but how can we interpret your moods and needs when the wrong signals are sent out and thoughts are kept under lock adn key?

my bf says that I dont give him enough attention or affection but I'm finding it hard to deal with when he keeps it under wraps for so long and then just explodes. last night I had a 2hr argument with him on the phone trying to dispher what exactly it is he wants from me. as it seems he wants me to be all over him like a nasty rash all the time.

I dont think he realise that I have other responsibilities like my familiy and my college work as well as my job. I try to give him all the free time I can manage and I try to make to the most of the time we have together but he still says its not enough. am I the one who is not bending or is it him?

I try to give him everything I have for as much as my time will allow and ok some times I'm not as accommodating of his needs as I could be but I try.

so to all the men on the boards and the woment too. can you pls help me?

yeah, we men seem to have an inability to talk about our feelings but if you know that he wants affection etc then ignore the moods/signals etc and give it - its what he wants.

its only since breaking up with my girlfriend that ive been able to talk about my feelings etc

Guys for the most part are stoic--I only share my feelings around people I know very well (and for the most part that ain't even my parents)

Erm....Ditto.

Externalising one's feeling is quite rare for men, for it is sometimes seen as a sign of weakness, and I don't think you can do much against that.

I can make some suggestions
1) Try and make it clear (but softly) that you are doing your best to share moments with him (and that the fact that you do something else doesn't call into question the affection you have for him) because if he thinks a relationship is based on a mutual constant affection/proximity to each other, there are no many things that can change his mind.
2) Try and organise a moment every week , an evening for instance, just for you two (with phones unplugged or off, not necessarily 20 friends nearby)...
3) This behavior might means that he has suffered from a lack of affection from someone else (at least from his point of view) and that now he doesn't want to lose you or he's just making up for that. The fact that he tells nothing and then he explodes might be related to other problems that he has (that make him angry or undermine him so that he tries to take refuge by your side)

NB : I'm neither Dr. Freud nor a psychologist, so please take these humble pieces of advice carefully (and above all the third one !)

Cheer up;

sorry to be the ass here, but if the guy says that you aren't spending enough time with him. That's a subtle hint that he probably isn't happy with the relationship, and that he's looking for an excuse to get out. I mean, what guy really complains about not hanging out with their girlfriend?

Everyone knows girls stick to you like a magnet once you're already taken by another. But when you're single...it seems that no one wants you.

I almost got to agree with Linkalicious about the subtle hint...guys for the most part are not dishonest, but when comes to being unhappy in a relationship, it's easier for a guy to deny what he's feeling or lack thereof by throwing it back at the other person as being not caring or spending enough time...

don't even bother trying to please him because all it does is feed his ego and makes you feel like you're not doing enough...if he has to raise his voice or argue with you, all that does is steer YOU away from the real reasons he's acting that way and place blame on YOU...

believe me...i've done it enough times and it ain't pretty...good luck

me and my optimism... 🙄

😉

Maybe he is jealous. If you talk to him about your other responsobilities too much he probably feels like he's the last thing you care about. When you're with him talk more about you two; not about the things you were doing while you weren't together

well maybe like most guys, he doesn't know HOW to express what he's feeling. guys aren't known for being able to verbally communicate with the opposite sex. so if you really care about this person and want to continue in a relationship, i'd say set a time aside where u sit down face to face (not over the phone), and calmly discuss how to communicate. try to stay away from the "well you don't do this or that, or say this or that", cause that immediately puts the other person on the defensive and that never accomplishes anything.

each person has a love language, or a way of expressing their feelings. they are through quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. of those five it's important to understand which of those are your love languages are and whic his are. once u understand that, you can move on to talking about how YOU can do better at communicating with his love languages, and visa versa.

and remember, please, please be patient with us guys, we're not used to this kind of communication, but it's the best thing for your relationship. hope this helps..... 😉

if your giving him all the time u can, and he still wants more...maybe its time to think about whether its the right relationship? because hate to sound like a **** here, but if he know u cant get more time off and he still asks for more, it sounds like an excuse :/

sorry if that wasnt wat u wanted to hear

Originally posted by Linkalicious
sorry to be the ass here, but if the guy says that you aren't spending enough time with him. That's a subtle hint that he probably isn't happy with the relationship, and that he's looking for an excuse to get out. I mean, what guy really complains about not hanging out with their girlfriend?

Everyone knows girls stick to you like a magnet once you're already taken by another. But when you're single...it seems that no one wants you.

screw the magnet bit 😐

Well, i wouldn't know how other guys fel, caus I'm sortah Bisexual (I'll probably get alotta shit for that) and *very* camp, So I'd better off it it were the other way around >_>

Get a lot of shit for that? Ofc not 😄

Eheh, I'll presume that wasn't sarcasm,

And when you've been around Brathewaite, Keighley , you *know* what shit is.

Because alot of it's stuck to your Lonsdales. 😉

Sarcasm?
*points to yerss*
You can get tons of sarcasm from him, not from me no2

Heh, I like getting steaming piles of sarcasm, it's something to get your nails into 😛

💃 💃 💃 💃

Aw man, people'd kill for that banana at school 😄

Hey Lara, nice to see you around again. 😄

Anyhoo, the guy sounds like a sap. He shouldn't put so much pressure on you for your time, he should respect your other responsibilities and be thankful for the time you do get to spend together.

hey mech! hows life?
thanks guys its just nice to get a view from the other side of the fence from time to time and all of you have helped not matter how conflicting your opinions are. my guess is he's higher maintenance than what i first thought. I'm just playing it out at the moment and see how it goes. I wont put six months down the u-bend if I dont have to. thanks.

I agree with several of the points I've read above;
Males are starange creatures, and ity is hard for us to understand the way our emotions work ourselves. Personally, I think that a lot of the problems come from the fact that we are still in a subtle transition between males being the hunter/provider of the species and being caring, 'in-touch-with-their-emotions-' creatures.

I agree with several of the points I've read above;
Males are starange creatures, and ity is hard for us to understand the way our emotions work ourselves. Personally, I think that a lot of the problems come from the fact that we are still in a subtle transition between males being the hunter/provider of the species and being caring, 'in-touch-with-their-emotions-' creatures.
However, the fact that he is complaining of not receiving enough attention pretty much boils down to two things in my eyes:

A) He is still of an age ie a maximum of about 17 whereby the most important, if not sole thing, for him in a relationship is sex. If he is still at this sort of age, the chances are he just wants more sex, and if this is true then it's not worth wasting your time on him.

B) If he is an older guy, it probably does mean that he is looking to break up the relationship, as he feels it's coming to a head, he has seen someone else etc etc.

The reason I say this is because males very rarely tend to express discontent in a relationship in this way. We all know that once you have a girlfriend, she is worth holding onto with all your strength, as it is much harder for a bloke to find love than it is a woman, and a bloke wouldn't start coming out with complaints like this.

Anyway, I haven't particularly strucured my above thoughts very well as I'm in a bit of a rush, but I hope you get the gist of it anyway.

John