so we got to the show, which was at this guy's house. forgot his name. anyway, this guy has a congenital defect that forces him to use a strap-on. the first band starts playing, when he runs in wearing it as an eye patch, jumps in the pit, and proceeds to stuff it into alex's mouth. he's horrified, and starts chewing gum....12 pieces of it. just as some guy belts him across the mouth, splitting his lip. I start laughing at all of this, not noticing that there's a moron skanking the wrong way in front of me (by now the accidents were on, and it was mostly ska). for the next week, i suffered with a bruise going across my thigh, balls, and lower stomach. and not even the fact that bonnie and i wrestled that night and she made me touch her ass made it any better.
Ok, lyd, i'll satisfy you...
i'm ten and i'm skiing at keystone, it's a slow run but i'm going fast as usual, not many people near the bottom of the run, i think it was schoolmarm. anyway, i hit a bumb and feel my ski struts snap off. i then see the ground coming at me real fast, i hit it with a wet crack and continue sliding down the mountain. My jacket zipper snaps off and ricochettes into my mouth. the next thing i remember i'm at the bottom surrounded by people. I can't move, i can barely breath. There's a diagnal crack running completely through my sternum, two of my ribs are broken, and the inside of my cheek is cut up to shit. along with whole bunch of cuts across my face and neck. I'm ten, in the snow, i can't breath, and i'm drowning in my own rapidly expanding pool of red, leaking goop.
how's that for scary? satisfied yet? maybe i can tell you what it's like to get the shit kicked out of you by five guys at once?
accept humor and keep your mind out of the maccabe, because once you've had real horror stories in your life, you don't want to live out other people's vicariously