Muahahahahaaaa Im bored so I shall post a Marry Sue..........94 people who don't no a Mary Sue is more of a story line than a person translation: Boring Soppy love story)
This 1 is funny tho 😉
WILL: Alas. Elizabeth has died in a terrible sailfish fishing accident. If only I hadn’t been nancing about as a pirate, I would have been here to break it off properly, as our relationship was clearly doomed. But the lure of the sea was just too great.
SEA: You can’t resist me.
WILL: Oh, who will convince me that I was too good for her and otherwise trample on her memory?
MARY SUE: Hello Will, who has known me since birth, thus establishing an unbreakable bond of friendship. Why do you look so happy?
WILL: Elizabeth has kicked the bucket. For the sake of our budding romance, she will never be mentioned again except when highlighting her many character flaws.
MARY SUE: How convenient, let us go away to sea.
JACK: You rang?
WILL: It’s Jack, my comedic foil. What brings you back to the place where they tried to hang you twice?
JACK: I’m dying from scurvy.
MARY SUE: Oh, Jack, you are ever so comical. Look out, it’s Norrington! He will surely be after you.
NORRINGTON: Nobody told you? I’m apparently incompetent and blind as a bat. Feel free to walk about in broad daylight and engage in felonious activities. Oh, and Port Royal has been renamed to the far more appropriate “Port Pirates-R-Us”. Carry On.
WILL: I feel so much more amorous now that we have left Port Pirates-R-Us behind.
MARY SUE: It’s only you and me now.
JACK: And me.
PIRATES: And us.
MARY SUE: I feel a chill of supernatural origins.
WILL: Could it be from the necklace that you keep around you neck and have suspensefully avoided mentioning until just this moment to add to the high drama of when it is finally revealed?
MARY SUE: I’ll avoid that question by turning my back and gazing at the stars.
WILL: There’s a ship in the distance! How rare it is to see ships on the ocean, this must have something to do with a curse and necklace that in no way reflects the movie.
GIBBS: It’s The Other Black Pearl! It’s even rattier than ours and is crewed by the damned who thought they were un-cursed, but turned out to be doubly cursed! This is in no way related to the movie!
WILL: Who captains such a ship?
JACK THE MONKEY: Eee. Eee.
GIBBS: Look at his incredibly ostentatious hat! He must be a commodore at least!
MARY SUE: In all the commotion of trying to avoid being captured, I have been captured.
JACK: Unhand her at once.
WILL: Your flair for the comedic is appreciated, Jack, but I will have to ask you to step back into your role as witless sidekick. It’s my time to shine.
JACK THE MONKEY: Eee. Eee. Eee
WILL: Sod off, monkey breath.
JACK THE MONKEY: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
MARY SUE: This would probably be the best time to reveal my excessively detailed past. [Edited for excessive detail]...And that is why my pinky finger has the power to read minds.
ELIZABETH: I have returned to complicate matters. There was no terrible sailfish fishing accident. Prove your love to me or I shall raise a fuss.
MARY SUE: He loves me now. Go parley someone who cares.
ELIZABETH: Bring it on!
WILL: Elizabeth, please. You cannot compare to her. She exhibits all the passionate and rebellious qualities you painfully lack. In addition, she was a governor’s daughter that was formerly engaged to a high-ranking member of the Port Pirates-R-Us navy. The necklace she has is the key to a sexy and dangerous backstory involving cursed monkeys. So you see, you and her are leagues apart.
ELIZABETH: Well that is both reasonable and highly plausible. I will attend the wedding and smile frequently to show I approve. And if Norrington attends, I will fall madly in love with him as some sort of consolation.
MARY SUE: Jack, turn the ship around.
GIBBS: Jack died from scurvy, miss. He would have said something, but your past was such a riveting tale he couldn’t bring himself to interrupt. He wanted you to have the Black Pearl because of the unspoken connection you shared.
WILL: Don’t cry, my sweet. We will lay him to rest on land, the only place he felt truly free and alive. He would have wanted it that way.
JACK THE MONKEY: Ee. Eee?
WILL: I do.
JACK THE MONKEY: Ee Eee?
MARY SUE: I do.
CITZENS OF PORT PIRATES-R-US: Huzzah!
DOUBLY CURSED PIRATES: Huzzah!
NORRINGTON: Give into the power of the wig.
ELIZABETH: Only if you stop saying that.
NORRINGTON: Huzzah.
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FIN .
Muahahahahahahaha More Evil Mary Sue's 😈 (Im bored🙁 )
JACK: Ah, Tortuga. How I have missed your taverns, brothels, cathouses, massage parlors and bordellos. Ladies, it’s amazing how much more skanky you look in the light of day and the harsh reality of sobriety.
WENCH1: I slap you.
WENCH2: I slap you.
WENCH3: I slap you.
WENCH4: I slap you.
GIBBS: Only four? That’s hardly womanizing. You need to kick it up a notch, sir.
JACK: Right. I’ll see how many chicks I can successfully woo before the fifty-seven cases of rum are loaded on board. That should reestablish my tarnished reputation and endear me to women everywhere.
MARY SUE: Help, help! I am a prostitute being propositioned by a man for sex!
JACK: How depraved! You ill-manner swine, leave that misguided strumpet alone!
DEPRAVED ILL-MANNERED SWINE: But she asked me if I-
JACK: No, you shall not harass this floozy any longer. Go back to the barn in which you were no doubt raised and leave the trollop to wallow in her own self-pity at once!
MARY SUE: At last, someone who sees past my revealing clothing, cleavage, ample curves, perfect ringlets of hair, enhancing makeup and gaudy jewelry. Let me bat my eyelashes suggestively to reinforce my seductive allure.
JACK: Even though I am on the prowl, I will ignore you because your fiery spirit threatens my masculinity.
MARY SUE: Can’t I go with you? I’ll buy you rum for your services in a poignant yet hilarious role reversal.
JACK: Well, usually I don’t allow random tarts on the Floating Harem, I mean the Black Pearl, but seeing as I’ve been completely manipulated, I’ll make an exception. I’ll ask you how you can be useful while wagging my eyebrow suggestively.
MARY SUE: How could I, a prostitute on a ship full of sex-crazed pirates, ever be useful? Oh, I know! I could be the ship’s cook! All women can cook, it’s genetic.
JACK: That’s the ticket. And just to make it more interesting, you’ll pose as a boy posing as a middle-aged pirate, who is concealing himself as a prostitute from Tortuga. Then no one will dare threaten your virtue, which you cherish above all.
MARY SUE: Instead of making my own money, I will now have to answer the beck and call of every man on this ship for table scraps. This is a life all women would envy.
JACK: You make a mean shrimp scampi, which has coincidently reminded me of your Past, which I think about constantly. When we return to Tortuga, I will find the milkman that forced you and your twelve sisters into the bordello and give him a stern talking to. Then you will be free to sleep with men for no pay and eek out a meager living working for whoever would be sleazy enough to hire a woman such as yourself.
MARY SUE: I’m so happy I could make a salted-pork fondue.
JACK: As tasty as that sounds, my dear painted woman of the night, it will have to wait until the denouement. I smell evil. Feel the tension and suspense rise in your tender heart.
MARY SUE: What could be more evil than my Past? Surely it is swimming towards us right now, just waiting to rain on my parade.
EVIL PAST: I make girls cry.
JACK: No, what I sense is something far worse. He is a member of the navy that actually enforces the law and jails pirates on just cause.
MARY SUE: How horrible! Do give us a few anecdotes to round out the two- dimensional characterization of evil.
JACK: Gladly. He eats baby seals and the hearts of kittens for breakfast. He once pushed an old woman down the stairs for wishing him a happy St. Swevin’s Day. He even proposed to Elizabeth Swann.
MARY SUE: No!
JACK: I fear so, my aptly disgusted tramp. Evil, thy name is Norrington.
MARY SUE: His dastardly ship floats between us and adventure. Whatever shall we do?
NORRINGTON: Too late, I’m afraid. I took advantage of the exposition to sail up beside your boat and aim all of my forty cannons directly at your head. Because I am so bad to the bone, I won’t even give you a trial. Prepare to die.
MARY SUE: Wait! Perhaps I could offer you myself or some tasty stew to spare us.
NORRINGTON: Stew, you say? Does it have the blood of an innocent lamb in it?
JACK: Go for the eyes! It’s the source of his unholy power!
STEW: My meaty goodness scalds you!
NORRINGTON: Sweet merciful devil from which I was spawned, she scalded me!
MARY SUE: Take that, justice system! People will no longer be accountable for their crimes!
NORRINGTON: My eyes! My cold, unfeeling eyes! Everybody back to the boat. We will sail away and give them a feeling of security as they cheer our wussy retreat.
MARY SUE: Oh, Jack. You taught me even a prostitute can make a stew and scald people. Now I’ll go back to Tortuga and start an academy of culinary arts for women who want to sneak aboard pirate ships.
JACK: Empowering women is life’s one true reward. Give us a slap, love.
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FIN
Is still bopred so decideds to give every1 lesons on Mary Sues........😄
Typical Mary Sue storyy lines Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh
~~*The Perfect In Every Way Mary-Sue
Kyra woke up suddenly, and the sun fell on her beautiful, gorgeous, perfect, wonderful face. Her light crystal blue eyes went perfectly together with her perfectly cut and perfectly light blonde hair.
“Ah, I am so perfect.” She said as she smiled, flashing her pair of pearly white teeth, perfectly straight and shining. There was a knock at her large, blue marble door. She beckoned for her maid to come in and chatted with her in Spanish whilst putting on her corset. She knew many languages, not only was she gorgeous but she was the smartest girl around. She also had the smallest waist in the town.
After dressing in her gown of the most expensive cloth and color, she dramatically waltzed down the stairs, past her 20 admirers.
Then, after some strange event or other, she is kidnapped by a bunch of pirates, shouts “Parley” and is taken to Jack. BLAH BLAH BLAH she falls in love and they sail off Happily Ever After.
~~*The Lost Relative Mary-Sue
Mina blinked wiped tears away from her smooth olive skin at the sight of her dear brother Will. She rushes to him and hugs him with her strong arms, which, somehow, were stronger than a man’s arms, even though she was the smallest girl around. She spoke in a refined voice about her happiness and joy to see her dear Will and started to listen to his tales of pirates. Will was surprised to find that she knew everything about pirates, even though she was a simple-minded, gorgeous, perfect girl who never went out on a boat, but somehow…she still knew all about pirates.
Eventually a bunch of stuff happens and she meets Jack. They fall in love, have a hot wild sex scene, then he either leaves her or they start to sail into the horizon while Elizabeth and Will look on, holding each other and with tears in their eyes.
~~*The Female Pirate Mary-Sue
Jack had never before seen a pirate quite like her. She was gorgeous, of course, long brown hair trailing own her back and beautiful brown eyes to match. She was, somehow, respected by men (how?) and ran the ship by herself. Somehow she has a tie to Jack’s past. After about 3 or more chapters of pointless crap, they realize that they truly love each other, and after yet another hot steamy sex scene, they, like all the others, sail into the horizon.
~~The, I swear this story is not a Mary-Sue, Mary-Sue
Ok, like, I wrote this story, and I swear it is NOT a Mary-Sue, okay? I was trying and trying all night to, like, think of something, and this just came up, okay, savvy? So, like, read and review please, but no flames, they make me sad, savvy?
So…on with the story, okay?
My name is blahblah and I am a perfect height and a perfect weight and I have perfect hair and perfect eyes and I am just so perfect, but that doesn’t make me a Mary-Sue, because I have had my share of hardships in my life. My father beat my mother and me. My brother, Jack, ran away and became a pirate. Somehow or another, I learned to fight with swords, even though that is not typical for women in this era, but oh well. Sometime in the near future I’m going to meet up with some guy names Jack who looks suspiciously like my brother, but since I am so perfect and SO trusting, I’m not even gonna think that he’s my brother. But after 20 chapters of crap I finally realize he is and we have a big reunion and then we run off somewhere, because all of I sudden I’m this amazing pirate, you know, savvy? So like, that’s my story, arghhh!!!
& I am SORTA on topic ✅