I haven't been here for a lil while and one of you ask for more so here you go
Three men want to become agents for the FBI. After a day of
intensive interviews, they are told there is one more test
to prove their dedication to the FBI. The head FBI agent
takes the first guy into a private room. He hands him a gun
and says, "Go into that room and kill your wife." The guy
says, "No way," and leaves FBI headquarters.
The second guy goes through the same proceedure. He walks
into the second room but upon seeing his wife, decides that
she is worth more than a good job and he too, refuses.
Finally the third guy is given the gun and told to kill his
wife. He walks into the second room and six shots are heard.
A few seconds later, the head FBI agent hears crashing and
banging from the room. After a few minutes, the guy comes out
of the room. "What happened?" asks the FBI agent. "Some idiot
loaded the gun with blanks... I had to kill her with the chair."
Re: Don't Kick the Animals, Man (Joke)
Originally posted by The Alpha
A boy awoke and wanted breakfast so he told his mother. She said, "Not until you feed the animals."The boy went outside and said to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today." So he kicked the chicken. He did the same with the cow and the pig. The boy then went back into the house and told his mother he was hungry. His mother said, "I saw you kick the chicken so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow so you're not getting any milk and I saw kick the pig so you're not getting any bacon."
Just then the boy's father walked down the steps and tripped over and kicked the cat and the boy said, "Mom should I tell him?
hysterical
GOOD ONE MAN! 😱hysterical
heres a new one by the way
Three nuns from the Pick City Cathederal and Monastery were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of Playboy magazines!"
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.
"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."
The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in the father's room putting away his laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."
"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.
"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.
The third nun said, "Oh sh*t."
Originally posted by DarkPheonix
love the joke.
heres one for youThere was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The preacher went to
the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and
discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family
expanded, so would his paycheck.After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation
decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was
much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional
children were costing the church.Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Having children is an
act of God!"Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back of the room, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice
said,
"Snow and rain are also acts of God, but when we get too much, we wear
rubbers."
😱😘😆
Originally posted by DarkPheonix
A bright, young, fresh-out-of-school auditor just joined the
IRS, excited to begin tracking down high-powered offenders;
like the Enron or WorldCom guys. Anxious for his first high-
powered audit, he was a bit dismayed when his assignment was
to audit a Rabbi. Looking over the books and taxes were
pretty straight forward and the Rabbi clearly very frugal,
so he thought he'd make his day interesting by having a
little fun with the Rabbi."Rabbi," he said, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes," answered the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi, what do you do with
the candle drippings?" he asked. "A good question," noted the
Rabbi. "We actually save them up and when we have enough, we
send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then,
they send us a free box of candles." "Oh," replied the auditor
somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had
a practical answer. So he thought he'd go on in his obnoxious
way..."Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do
with the crumbs from the matzo?" "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi
calmly, "we actually collect up all the crumbs from the matzo
and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the
manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo
balls." "Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to
fluster the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do
with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?" "Yes, here too,
we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up
all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send
them to the I.R.S.""The I.R.S.?," questioned the auditor in disbelief. "Ahh, yes,"
replied the Rabbi," the I.R.S." ...and about once a year, they
send us a little prick like you.
hysterical
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head live together in an apartment. One day their building caught on fire. Everyone else got out but the three women were stuck on the roof yelling for help. The firemen below on the street were yelling at the red head to jump onto a net they were holding. One fireman said 1..2..3..and the red head jumped, but at the last second the firemen let go of the net and the red head hit the ground and died.
Then the firemen called to the brunette to jump on the count of 3. The brunette yelled, "No!, I saw what you did to my friend, I'm not falling for that!
The firemen said, "Don't worry, we like brunettes!" So the brunette jumped and at the last second the firemen let go of the net and the brunette hit the ground and died.
Then the firemen called up to the blonde to jump on 3. The blonde said, "No!, I saw what you did to my friends, I'm not falling for that! I'm not stupid you know!
The firemen said, "Don't worry, we like blondes! "Yeah right!", replied the blonde "Just leave the net there and walk away!"
Originally posted by DarkPheonix
I haven't been here for a lil while and one of you ask for more so here you goThree men want to become agents for the FBI. After a day of
intensive interviews, they are told there is one more test
to prove their dedication to the FBI. The head FBI agent
takes the first guy into a private room. He hands him a gun
and says, "Go into that room and kill your wife." The guy
says, "No way," and leaves FBI headquarters.The second guy goes through the same proceedure. He walks
into the second room but upon seeing his wife, decides that
she is worth more than a good job and he too, refuses.Finally the third guy is given the gun and told to kill his
wife. He walks into the second room and six shots are heard.
A few seconds later, the head FBI agent hears crashing and
banging from the room. After a few minutes, the guy comes out
of the room. "What happened?" asks the FBI agent. "Some idiot
loaded the gun with blanks... I had to kill her with the chair."
😱😈
Originally posted by DarkPheonix
heres a new one by the wayThree nuns from the Pick City Cathederal and Monastery were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of Playboy magazines!"
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.
"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."
The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in the father's room putting away his laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."
"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.
"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.
The third nun said, "Oh sh*t."
Oh, crap. That's cool.hysterical
ok... new joke
Two couples had gone away for the weekend. The two guys, Jack and Bill, have decided to try to persuade their wives to do a bit of partner swapping for the night. After several drinks that night they succeed.
Jack knows it's that time of the month for his wife and the thought of Bill not knowing this makes him smile. The guys agreed that when they sit around the breakfast table the following morning, they will tap their teaspoons on the side of their coffee mug the number of times that they did it with each other's wives.
The next morning they are all at the breakfast table, slightly hungover and quite uncomfortable, when Jack proudly taps his teaspoon 3 times against his coffee mug.
After a brief moment of thinking, Bill takes his teaspoon and taps it once on the strawberry jam and 3 times on the peanut butter!