pain poems

I shatterd her heart, decissions to hide
i thought of you every night
but now thats over
never want to say what you mean to me
i dont know what i want to say to you
emontions inside, yet i find them hidden
you care for me you say, so much, if i left, you dont know what you would do.
this is not where i blong..
u want me to be happy..not to hurt myself for you..
its my fault but you tell me not to carry it..

i just waste away...i remember the same dream...i remember when i falled for you.

i dont want to hurt you ever again..but it tears me in two keeping things unsaid...the voices in my head dont help either.
you speak to me like a human..u call me by my name..
pain in me so deep it gets the best of me
here i stand alone, i feel these wounds..
there you stand by my side, i only ask why...

do you love me?...or is this all just to see another side of me?..

Fallen
_____________________________________
Pushed away by all of my fear
Growing inside for all of these years
Memorys of what my life used to be
Flash like lightning in front of me
Confusion growing more and more
I feel sanity has been
Thrown out the door.

they tell me to go back to school
get a better education
think about my future
i rather die from the cuts i do to myself
my time spent there only made me more sick
u want me to go back there? why? to put me though that all again?
im not you are you so ****ING BLIND!!!!!!!
I'M GONNA DRESS AND LISTEN TO THE ****ING MUSIC THAT I WANT TO B!TCH!!!! **** YOU IF YOU DONT LIKE ME WEARING MAKE UP!!!! YOU THINK I CARE?!!!! I RATHER PAINT MY FACE IN SHADOWS THEN FORCE A FAKE SMILE!!!!!

at least its the truth...

freak, its what you call me
freak, because i listen to gothic rock
freak, because i play with fire
freak, because i wear dark clothing
freak, because i hang out with gothics
freak, because i am gothic myself
freak, because i wear make up
freak, because i cut myself
freak, because i am alone

well guess what

get the **** over it.

you can show all your emotion and secrets in the night
the music in the light
i cant control my life inside
two glances isn't enough
take another look before you judge me
love is in danger and it is gonna die
i am a victom to your smile
tell me why you treat my feelings like a toy
my hearts disapointed, i will love you forever
but this can be never
i dont want to believe in love anymore
ill keep you to remember so deep in my heart
but you're killing my love

"gothic freak"
you pooint me out from the rest just like u always did
always been known as a freak, now i dress like this to show it on the out side that you are right...
and you know what..i like it..dark from the inside, why not show it on the out side? im tired of hiding it in, do what you will, this time..its my time to be who i am, and not like everyone else...

all this pain from inside give it to me
makes me who i am
always this is haunting me
i cant get it out of my head
i cant take anymore
its brining me to my knees for safty
im more then just a mistery
i think about things all the time, past, future
who i am and what i want from life
but in the end i want one thing
death
so simple
but i cant ****ing have it...can i?...CAN I!!!???
when flashes from the past are running through my head i have no where to hide
i just get lost in my memories again, when can they rest?
feelings and emotions better hidden and kept secret

i say what is needed to be said, no matter who i hurt
weather its myself or a family member
better said then kept inside silent..eating you away slowly
killing your heart..mind...
ripping your flesh just so you can yell out in pain
the feeling is like nothing i know..
its thrilling...yet sick...
i give myself wounds...
sometimes words..said or unsaid...hurt more then broken flesh

the scars run deep in my cold dead body
deeper then i can ever cut to bleed..
u make the wounds resurface...
i have spent so many nights learning how to forget
but in thoughs nights i just remember...
it makes me wonder if i will ever see the end of this
should i try something new?
or contiue to do what i always do?
write random words on paper to see what happens
what is wrote..
are they memories? feelings? past? future? or just bullshit?..
silence can be your friend...
i used to know the sound of peace...
and now all i feel is coldness
you know you stay on my mind as do other things...
now im wondering if things will ever be the same
i cant go back to my school...it hurts too much...and

im scared of it......

..and of.....myself...

I'll be your sun you be mine
tell me whats going on ?
this is the time
dancing, get up I'll show you the other side
I can't believe this you and I
Light up this fire i want to see what you show me tonight
you are the nights of fire
come and take me now
show me, or do you want me to lead you?
when we are moving together I know that you are the one
I need to love you every way i can
i just cant hide away..

this isnt the frist time that I have felt this way
my problem is when i look into the mirror and see what i have become
i am done with this...
I'm doing everything I thought was right
but my reflection changes
glass shatters just like my heart
i used to believe a painful heart is a bleeding rose
no more will the rose bleed as dead pettels fall
i have lost all i have believed in
no more painful heart...no more bleeding rose
just me and my lonly thoughts
the pettles turn black while the blood drys..
the heart shatters and is never seen again..
and me?...
i stay behind...just like always...

is anybody listening? can you hear me when i yell?
i see a girl in the distance but im miles away
because im here im always wrong
wrong to write, wrong to cry, wrong to bleed
i run towards her just to touch her face
brush the pettles of a rose down her soft cheek, but i can never reach her.
i sit alone singing my song to the sky
i need somebody's help so im givng up myself
i dont want this pain to kill me alone
the girl walks down the street tonight
she gets in another fight
she cries with her mother and father
i stand outside my hand shaking as i touch the window
i want to know her pain just to let mine go
let me see if i can make her happy how she has made me
this world is crying for that i love you so much more...

in the mirror

i just want to make this right...
a year ago a boy saw his brother die...
bang...a laugh...a voice silent..then a cry of pain from hearing his heart shatter..
blood on his top...his tears of fear and pain dropping onto his brothers face...
lips tremberling and a soul dieing as his brother goes with it..
he stands alone born a now man...cold to the world and everyone around him...
trust no one...love never...NEVER!!!.....he cries this very moment..body cold and scard from cuts...
he wants to hear the voice of his brother just once more....not in pain..but in laughter...
he wants to be a better lil brother then he was...he wants to tell him hes sorry..

he loves him...
this boy still lives....a painfilled life that kills him more each and every day....

i know him because i see him...

in the mirror.....

AW LUKE!
I love your poems... come talk to me...

in time i never thought that i would stop dreaming about you
stop being without you
but you always told me to stop thinking about you
stop caring about you
yet i found a way to stop talking about you
stop crying about you
her only goal was just to take control
and i couldnt believe it i couldnt tell her no
she says shes attached to me
worries when things go wrong
when i drop out of school
but i know her game
and shes gonna get played the same
and everyone told me to stop bleeding over you
stop cutting over you
when i told myself to stop praying about you
to stop hoping about you
my heart told me to stop beating for you
to stop hurting over you
but what did my heart say?
it said i was the man that got away

you picked the wrong kid..
im not the one ment for this life
feeling so helpless lost under the pain

why me out of all people?
was i bad? did i do something wrong? am i cursed?....
i cant even look into your eyes anymore

I cant feel you here...
were you disapointed in me? or did i make you proud?
i dont want to be like you..never

im diffrent...
so leave it that way...
just let my memories consume me...

...help?....

silent tears fall from my eyes singing violently into the night
was i a bad kid?
did i do something wrong?
WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME?!!!
FRIST MY BROTHER!!! MY PARENTS!!!!! NOW ME?!!!!!
i dont want to die....not from this...
for once im scared of myself...what is happening to me...
inside my body...
cancer...

will i die?...god?...answer me....

FOR ONCE ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kof, there's a forum for poetry and prose now babes, would you rather this thread was in there? 😄

no

but thanks for the thought

replacing this pain with something more
a heart..something with life
walls closing in slowly finding it hard to breath
lost inside my thoughts and doubts
pretending i dont feel this pain makes it so much eaiser to fake
but im coming to the point when all i want to do is break
wish i could find a way to disapear
its plain to see that you want me to fall
come take it all
come on, you've got the go..you got me dead bang
tear me apart...bring it on, im ready
dont hold back..
will you give it to me?
theres no turning back now, open up your hate and prove it to me

darkness is the gift that has been given to me...

curse it..