now how do u feel when in this nightmear? will here it is, feel it and die!!!
why dont you just f*ck off and DIE!!!? why cant you just leave me here and DIE!???
I DONT NEED THIS SHIT !!!
YOU STUPID PATHETIC STUCK UP F*CKING B!TCH!!!!
HERE I COME ARE YOU READY?!!! COZ YOUR IN THIS NIGHTMEAR HERE IT COMES, YOUR IN IT DIE!!!!
nails like glass
skin white as the dead
eyes so alive they make me sick inside
a fear of myself that hauts me and my soul
a yearning to know of peace
a longing to know why i do this
voices talking, in my head..or is it just me?
me and my thoughts alone together..
the thought of that scares me...
so many thoughts..so many questions..
will i ever have my answers?
or be killed by my own actions?
*sparks lighter*....will see..
what i ever do to you that was so bad?
get away from me
dont you know i was voted person most likely to f*ck up?
im yearning to tell you how i feel
the things i hide as you pass me by
today is the time to take a chance
not sure what i should start to say
what does everybody want form me?
take your time before im gone
because i am alone
i cant keep falling down anymore
tears all cried out
theres nothing to wipe away..
I had writers block for the longest time..a necklace..another trinket to wear, yet another burdon to carry on my shoulders as i write. I sit here, it wraped around my neck, choking my happyness...my life in my body..silent, no more laughs..no more smiles..shhh..a whisper, a blink and my world changes. a necklace that killed my life in secconds, but gave my love and life back for writing, i wear it for punishment, to pay for my mistakes, words said needed to be taken back, actions done that need to be erased. gentle touch to the necklace..will this be my muse? or is my mask finaly broken..broken so i can be free as i once was so long ago, but traped at the same time, free to do as i please and yearn through my words and lyrics, but traped in my own soul and heart to know that these words are to be damned to hell just as i shall be for my mistakes in life.
if i am to be guilty, if i am to confess, if i am to be punished...
this necklace i wear with no shame...gives me that. a symbol it carries..but a symbol broken..a heart, but in depth lays more, a soul..freedom..joy..happiness..all broken down the center.
just as i have been for the longest time
just...
broken...
have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moon light?
above the moon wanting to be the sun
tearing the knife down my chest i play...
burned by the fire of my memorise i let out a scream of hope
..i used to think....
bleeding rose is a painful heart, it will never be seen
love is a silent white, it will never be heard
beauty is a tear of blood, it will never be shead
pain is like the rage of your dream...
it is never enough....
im tired...its enough.... ITS F**KING ENOUGH!!!!!!...over a year...my face still carries the paint of shadows...i wake...i look in the mirror and hate what i see..i paint my face in shadows, i am born a new man..diffrent from before and from everyone else...i like it....but sicknes me i have to make up a person just to be happy...i cant just be myself when it is that i hate...cry, scream, die..and die all over again...i will be this way for a long...long time...
its the way i want to live....or die...we will find out one day
perhaps...today
all the popular kids, i got one thing to say F**K YOU!!!! ALL OF YOU!!! I DONT CARE IF I DONT KNOW YOU!!! YOUR ALL THE SAME!!! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!!!
it starts off as a joke..that i can take..then u turn it into a game for your own pleasure, frist my brother..then my father...my sister...and me...are u not happy? u distroyed me..my life...MY FAMILY!!!! U KILLED IT!!! AND ME!!!! but dont worry...ill get my revenge...i always do...
and father...your next...
*sparks lighter*..its a shame...i almost feel sorry for them...pfft..lies
marked a crow, now and forever, another day..another week...another death......why...WHY?..F*CKING WHY!!!!!!! MUST I CARY ANOTHER DEATH ON MY SHOULDERS!!! IM A F*CKING KID!!! I CARY TWO DEATHS AND NOW ANOTHER?!!!!!....im a kid.....let me live my life as a normal child would....im no man.....u ask y i am this way...because all my life all i have ever known is pain..beatings...death and the shadows...smile? me?...never...
some say time changes
i believe it stands still
im still the same...im still scared, tired, cold, alone, angry..
all the things i have seen in my life never seem to leave me alone
they are always there in the corner of my eye
stabing me in the heart just to tell me im still alive
friends come..and go..
can i make it through?
here i am again writing on a screen, people reading my words they can never understand
i dont know when ill change
i just hope..soon........
please....
this goes out to anyone who reads it, if i give u advise its this...
ever had something so strong over ur shoulders? that it hurts everyone around u and tears u in two to keep it hidden? u have to put on a fake smile..a mask even, of shadows so everyone believes ur ok, and then to have it bottled up..so tight..it hurts, u find someone u can trust, do u let them in or keep lieing to their face?....never let it out..if it hurts so bad u cut urself for punishment...deal with it...let no one know..because...
u let it out...u lose more then what u ever had before
im back to the begining again...
bring it on....